Mate (Bride, #2)

by Ali Hazelwood

“Estrus,” she blurts out. “You’re going into Estrus.” “Ah.” I nod. Sit back in my chair, scratching my temple. Gather all that I know about Estruses—Estri?—which is a beautiful wasteland of nothing. “People without degrees would call it going into Heat,” Koen says, and the realization crashes into me like a caravan of armored trucks. My behavior last night. The dreams. Koen’s…everything. “People with degrees, too,” Layla adds shyly. “But it can be a charged word. I wouldn’t want to upset you.” “You aren’t,” I say. Very upset. “Is this a thing that happens to Weres?” “Yes, it does. Usually in wolf form.” “But I’m…” I point at myself. I’m not in wolf form seems a redundant statement. “Breakthrough heats are not unheard of in human form, either. I’ve been practicing for about ten years, and I’ve had several patients like you, triggered by all sorts of things.” “Such as?” “Stressful events. Medications. The most common cause is close proximity to a sexually compatible partner.”

“There will also be temporary physiological changes. For instance, your scent will become more appealing to potential partners.” “As in, my smell brings all the Weres to the yard?” “Well, I haven’t gotten close enough to you to ascertain whether the enhancement has begun, but—” “It has,” Koen said, settling Layla’s waffling. And that’s that. We all marinate in those two little words for a handful of seconds, which happens to be just long enough for me to wistfully imagine being swallowed by a river of magma. “Is this going to…Should I be worried?” I glance at Koen, who doesn’t get my meaning. “How appealing is my scent going to be to others? Should I get online and order a Taser?” He blinks. “You already own a knife. But let me reassure you that any Were in this pack who touches you without an express request from you is going to come into a windfall of pain. And then die.” “I’ll take that as a no.” I smile, disappointed to find that his lips don’t curve in response.

“I can’t believe you let me teach you the C major chord. Why are you that good, by the way?” “My dad taught music.” “And you lied to me, because…” “You didn’t ask if I could play. You asked if I played. And before this week, I hadn’t. Not in years.” “God, I hate you.” “Sure.”

He side-eyes me when I make him lift me onto the counter to watch him wash the dishes. “I do have some furniture.” He points at the two chairs he brought in from the porch. “I like it better here,” I say, tapping the stone countertop. “Can you Humans just not sit normally?” “Can you Weres just not mind your business?” He splashes me with soap suds, and I grin as I cover my face.

“What do you even do when I’m not here?” “It’s a good question. When you’re not around, the entire pack just sits around and thumb-twiddles—” “Oh, come on.” I elbow his biceps. “You know what I mean. What’s your corporate mission? What’s an Alpha’s routine? You wake up and the first thing you do is…?” “Chase that squirrel we discussed.” “Koen. Don’t force me to break into your diary.”

“Tomorrow morning, Layla will give me a progesterone injection. It should make this…” I gesture at myself like I’m a magician’s assistant. He takes it as an invitation and studies me from head to toe, tracks my every fidget, follows the rocking of my heels. “She hopes it’ll make it go away. But she didn’t have it at the office, so…” He doesn’t bother hiding the depth of his scowl, even if he eventually nods. “Are you okay with that?” I scratch the back of my neck, which feels swollen. Tender. “If you have any objections—” “None that are rational.” His smile is slim, self-effacing. His words sound forced. “I’ll support you no matter what. Whether you take the injection or decide to spend your Heat with someone.” I cock my head. “I thought you said you didn’t lie.” “Did I? I must have gotten it wrong. Or maybe things have changed. Have to admit, killer, that your presence in my life has been humbling. A fucking revelatory experience. Thought I knew myself, but…” He laughs. Rubs his palm against his mouth. “The truth is, if you decide to spend your Heat with someone else, they’ll have to chain me at the bottom of a well and seal its mouth with concrete.” The gland on my upper back aches, pulsating sweetly with every word he says. Begging for attention. “The idea of anyone else touching me makes me physically ill. So.” I attempt a smile. He does, too. We might be in agreement about how painful all of this is. “I can hear your heart.” “Yeah?” “It’s…fast.” Like a drum. A rhythmi...

“Whatever you’re thinking about,” he rasps against my ear, “continue.” “Yeah?” He nods. “You smell incredible right now.” “Like…how?” “Like you’d let me keep you here and fuck you for the next six months. Like you need me to.” I moan and rotate my hips—an unwise impulse. We both exhale. Our brains glitch, and we have to stop for a few seconds, until that bug is fixed. “You can keep me forever,” I mumble into his throat, and his cock twitches under me. “Is this okay? I’m making a mess of you, and—” “Do more of it.”

“Last night,” he says against my cheekbone, “you fell asleep, and I couldn’t stop thinking about your fingers. How they’d been between your legs. How I could have licked them.” I squeeze my eyes shut. Imagine how difficult this must be for him. “What does…celibacy. What does it mean?” He stares up, cheeks flushed dark. “I’ll get you a dictionary for your birthday.” “Koen. Where is the line?” “The line is everywhere, Serena.” A hollow laugh. His hand travels up my spine. Cups my nape. Our lips are closer than ever, but never meet. “My entire life is made of fucking lines. And you’re blowing past all of them.”

“I’m going to make you come, however many times you need. And then I’m going elsewhere to make myself come.” “I can—” “No, Serena. You can’t. But I can. I want you to tell me what you need, and I want the privilege of giving it to you. I want you to use me.” A kiss on my collarbone. “If you think there is anything I would like more than seeing my mate through her Heat, you are fucking wrong. If this is all I get, I’m going to make the most of it. Okay?” I nod again, which gives him a path to my throat. His mouth closes around my gland and it’s so sudden, so shocking, I scream. “Koen,” I gasp, moving my hips again. The pleasure is white-hot. “Feels so good.” The curve of a smile. “Feels better for me than for you.” “Impossible.” My breath tumbles out. “I…I tried.” “Hmm?” “Touching my glands. But it didn’t really—not like when you touch me.” “Sweetheart.” He nips at it. I shudder, full-bodied. “It has to be you, Koen. We’re like…lock and key? It has to be us.” I rock in his lap, demanding release. Closer and closer, clumsier and clumsier. “You’re my mate, but I’m not yours. There will be other keys for you.” A flat-tongued, broad lick. When he bites me again, it feels a little more violent. Like he could easily break my skin, and he wants me to know. “And I’ll do my best not to kill them. No promises.” “I don’t want them.” I sob in pure frustration, pressing harder, all soaked, sticky underwear and hard ridges, marks sucked into tender skin, deep inhales. “I don’t want anyon...

“I want to give you what you need so badly,” I say. His large hand strokes down my hair, soothing me and himself. I burrow into him and feel him shiver in response. “I know that you took an oath. And I know that this is doomed. But…Koen. There is very little that I wouldn’t do for you, if you were to ask me.” “Serena.” I hear the blurry edge of his smile. A quiet sigh. “I would throw away my pack, my life, and my entire world for you. Which is the exact reason I cannot have you.”

“Out of curiosity, at what point in the process do you think ketchup becomes involved?” Saul shrugs. “For the stuffing, maybe?” “Ah, yes. The famed pancake stuffing. That’s where the capers go, too?” He nods so hard, I’m afraid his jaw will detach from the rest of his face. “And remind me, the vinegar—” “Listen,” Amanda says bluntly. “As much as we love setting our alarms one hour earlier to come visit with Mommy and Daddy, if we knew how to make pancakes, we would not be here.” I cock my head. “Am I Mommy in this scenario?” “Or Daddy,” Saul offers. “You get to pick first, since you provide the pancakes.” “Nice. I’ll take it.”

“I like you more than anyone I’ve met since Misery. And when I’m with you, I feel…a little less like half of two things, and a little more whole. And when you touch me, it feels right. So right that I forget it’s wrong. I forget that you’re the heart of this pack. I forget that thousands of people rely on you, and that every moment I spend with you, I’m taking something away from them.” I manage a labored gulp. My throat is tight and dry. “So this is what’s going to happen. I’m going to walk in there and take the drugs Layla gives me. This Heat won’t happen. And as soon as the issues with the Vampyre council are officially over and Ana is safe, which will be any day now…I’ll go back to the Southwest, where I won’t be keeping you from the people who need you. And you and I…we’ll make sure to avoid each other in the next few decades. Won’t we?” Koen doesn’t nod, but I smell his assent. His head bends for a long, silent moment. When he looks up, his eyes are emptier than the space between the ocean and the cliffs. And all he says is “Layla is waiting for you. You should go.”

“There is no need to cry, dear.” Irene pats my shoulder. “We are just chatting. Let me guess—you feel guilt because of the history between your father and Koen’s pack. Maybe you think a debt is owed. But you only know little pieces of the story. That letter you just read…Would you like me to tell you what happened after it was sent?” I nod, ashamed. She’s trying to deal me into her game, and I’m allowing it. Because I need to know. “You see, the letter was with a friend, for safekeeping. I didn’t read it until months after it was written. But Fiona…she died less than twenty-four hours after it was sent.” Irene’s head tilts. She and Koen regard each other in a way I don’t fully comprehend. Two people who have made impossible choices. Two people defined by what has come before them. And then Irene smiles sweetly, and asks, “Out of curiosity, Alpha. How long have you known that you killed her mother?”

“Maybe it’s just easier to worry about what people are thinking than about…about the real shit.” “Such as?” “That my father killed your parents. And you killed mine.” I can’t believe it all fits in exactly ten words. Our pasts, woven together. One—no, four more reasons we could never work. As though we needed them. They come with a garbled mess of questions that I haven’t even begun to wrangle free. Do I resent him? Does he hate me? Am I angry? How much of this is his fault? Should I carry my parents’ sins? Can I forgive? Can he? Is there anything to forgive here? He’s just as stumped. Fiddling with these impossible thoughts. Gives me a stuck, resigned look and says, “Couple goals, am I right?” I laugh. The low, rolling sound that slips out of him could be laughter, too. We regard each other like that, no judgment, no fear of being judged. I could live in this weird limbo for the next century. “I would do it all over again,” he murmurs at last, eyes never letting go of mine. “Even knowing what it did to you. And for that, I’m sorrier than I’ll ever be.” We are not Human. His pain squeezes my chest. “I don’t want you to…If when you look at me you see Constantine, I don’t want you to—” “Serena.” He shakes his head. “When I say that I would do it all over again, I also mean that I would go through what he did all over again. If it brought me to you.”

“Remember when Layla mentioned nests?” My voice trembles. “I’ve been working on this for a while. Honestly, I’m just relieved that this new penchant of mine for acquiring shit is just a phase. And…” I notice that the placement of the lavender velvet pillow is off. “Sorry, this is a bit…” I move closer. Rearrange it over and over until it’s just right. Deal with a domino-like cascade of imperfections that need to be fixed right now. A minute—or seventeen—later, a moment of clarity smashes into me. I look back at Koen. “Am I being absolutely insane?” “I…believe this might be common,” he says. Uncharacteristically diplomatic. “God. Do you—do you like it?” He stares at the bed with a blank expression that my single brain cell interprets as disapproval. “I can redo it. Right now, if you—” “Don’t…I’m sure it’s pretty. My instincts don’t really lean toward the aesthetics and architectural integrity of nesting.” I frown. “What instincts do you have?” “They are much less wholesome.” His laugh is a half groan. “Less about making nests, and more about…wrecking them.”

“I would have told you that…that you don’t have to do what you’re about to do.” My heart thumps slowly, loudly. Feverish. “If you help me through my Heat, it’ll be at great cost to you. If the Assembly ever found out, it would be a disaster. So I would have told you: thank you, I appreciate the offer, but I cannot ask this of you.” “You don’t—” “Need to ask. Yup, that’s what you would have said. And I would have pushed back a little—told you that I’m willing to deal with this on my own, because I wouldn’t want you to regret it afterward.” “You can’t—” “But you would have seen through it. So I would have asked you whether you arranged for someone to cover your absence in the next few days. And you’d have said…Amanda?” He nods, displeased in that endearing way of his. “And that’s when I would have told you how…” I take a deep, shaky breath. “I would have told you how vulnerable I’ve been feeling in the past year. Stripped of my life. My identity. My agency. My health. And now, of the most personal thing of all. A few hours from now, I’ll be out of my mind. I will be a creature made of need, beyond thought. And you will take care of me exemplarily, like always. You will…You will kiss me, and touch me, and fuck me, because it’s what I require, and those will be the memories I carry for the rest of my life: you, satisfying my needs. And I would have tried to make you understand that I…I want more. I would like some real memories of us. Not because we’ve been cornered into it by...

“I think…this is going to hurt, Koen.” “After, yeah. But not yet.” “Not yet.”

“I think I like this,” he says, strained. Hazy eyed. “You t-think?” The words muffle against his fingers. My internal muscles are overextended. “T-that’s flattering.” His laughter is a choked huff. “I meant—having you this way. Exposed. Pinned.” His hand slips to cup my head. He kisses my lips, gentle. “In a matter of days, you’re going to leave, and I’ll spend the rest of my life as your fucking servant. Whatever you ask me for, you’ll have. But here you are. Defenseless. Mine for a short time.”

normal. It’s too much. But it’s not. And Koen knows it. “Take it.” He shoves deeper. “Be good and take my knot.” “I—I don’t—” “You do. You were made for it. How could I ever think of fucking anyone else, when you take it so well?” His cock starts jerking, and he holds me tighter, groaning against my gland something about his “perfect mate” and her “perfect, tight cunt” that almost sounds like poetry, and his orgasm lasts for…for minutes, I think. “That’s it,” he grits out. “That’s where my come goes.”

“So,” I say lightly, a little forced. “You do like sex, after all.” “Did I say that I didn’t?” “No. Just…” I chew on my lower lip. “Amanda said you never looked like you missed it.” “Because I didn’t.” I swallow. “Do you think…After this is done, do you think it’ll be harder for you to go back to not having it?” “Serena,” he says, deliberate, level. “None of this is about sex.” “Then what—” “You. This, all of it, is purely about you.”

“I was so self-conscious about my body. For the longest time.” “Why?” I draw up my knees. Cover myself. “Just the side effect of being the short, busty sidekick to a tall, elegant, cypress-like princess creature.” My cheeks are hot. “It’s nice, I guess. That you’re not disappointed in the way I look.” “Disappointed?” “Yeah. I mean, it could have shaken out in a different…Why are you staring at me like I just told you that angels’ wings are made of porridge?” He exhales, speechless. “You know what? You wouldn’t get it.” “How so?” “Leave it alone.” “But I want to know.” “Just…” He bites the inside of his cheek, looking for the right words. “You are my mate. I would have wanted you no matter what. I will want you no matter what. But you are also…” He licks his lips. “If someone had given me a piece of paper and asked me to list everything I liked, everything I dreamed of, everything that I was sure would make me happy, you would have been the final product of it.” My heart thuds in my chest. Good line, I want to tell him, just to dull the way it stabs through my ribs. No need to waste it on me, I’m already a sure thing. But it’s so obviously not a line. He’s trying to explain something to me, something that he knows in his belly, and I… I guess I’m listening. “There could never be disappointment, because there were never any comparisons, or expectations, or hopes, or standards to meet. There’s only…” He casts a glance around the room, searching. Then his eyes settle on me. “T...

After weeks of truancy, my appetite returns at the worst possible time. I decide to give it the cold shoulder and focus on what’s rapidly becoming my favorite thing in the world: thrashing around and begging Koen to do something, anything, everything to me. Unfortunately, he really did educate himself about Heats. Not only did he memorize some doctor’s office pamphlet, but he’s also extremely literal about it. We can start again after you have a strawberry, he tells me. One more sip of juice. Like that. Be good. Give me one more. Open up. No, not later—now. You have to drink. A kiss against the flushed skin of my throat. Girls in Heat only get what they ask for if they finish their water. “You know you’re not going to get a surprise visit from the Heat inspector, right?” I ask between shallow gulps of electrolytes. “There are no thumbs-up stickers for doing exactly what the textbook—” He grasps my chin and taps the pad of his thumb against my lips, pushing against them until I have no choice but to open. “Since it’s obvious that your mouth is not nearly busy enough, you’re having another glass before we continue.”

“What came before Neanderthals?” I ask him afterward. He shrugs. Pouts. “Whatever they were, you’re the one before them.”

In a way, it’s our first time. In all ways, it’s the last.

“I love you. And I’m never going to stop, no matter what.”

“I’m going to step down.” I ask, “From what?” But I already know, so I don’t give him time to answer. “Why?” Regrettably, I already know that, too. That only leaves me with “You can’t.” “See, that’s the thing about being Alpha. I can do whatever the fuck I want.” “Are you— Please tell me you are joking.” “While I’m widely known for my prankster personality and comedic timing, no. I’m not joking. Not about this.” “You…We talked about this.” I sound shrill. “The pack is too important to you. And you are necessary to the pack.” “Things have changed.” “Things—nothing has changed. You love the Northwest more than anything.” “Not more than anything, Serena.”

“Koen, no. You actually like being Alpha. You live to order people around.” He holds back a smile. “Guess from now on, you’re going to have to be people.” “No. You’ll step down, and then what? Run away with me? Be my deadbeat boyfriend? We’re gonna live in the woods, argue over what to have for dinner, and—” I close my eyes and press the back of my hand to my lips. I’m in physical pain. Because… “Sounds that good, huh?” he asks knowingly. And yes. Yes, it fucking does. But. We need him, Layla said. Amanda. Brenna. Dozens, countless people. Even Irene. My eyes lock with his, willing him to understand. “You are the heart of this pack, Koen.” He nods. Even as he says, “And you are mine, Serena.” This is unthinkable. “If you leave for me, and anything happens to the Northwest…I’m going to hate myself for the rest of my life. Your life. Our life.” That besotted half smile, again. “That was a ‘we.’ ” “It wasn’t.” I steady myself. “Just a few days ago you listed several reasons why you had to choose the pack over me. What changed?” He roams the inside of his mouth with his tongue. Waits out the end of a particularly strong gust of breeze. “You told me that you loved me, Serena,” he says simply. His eyes are earnest, liquid. So profoundly good. “And while I’m willing to resign myself to an existence without the person I love, I refuse to condemn you to it.” I square my shoulders. Don’t cry. Don’t you fucking dare cry. “It was very good sex, and I—I made it up, Koen. In the heat of...

“Do you have clear memories,” I ask calmly, “of my Heat?” His eyebrow lifts. “They’ll be what I last see before I die.” “Good. Then you will remember that I asked you to bite me. Several times.” His throat works. “And you didn’t. I begged you, and you didn’t.” “Ask me now, and I’ll do it. I’ll do it right here—” “Why didn’t you then?” There is a tic in his jaw. “Because you weren’t in the position to make the choice.” “You’re right. I wasn’t. Would you say that I am in the position now?” His shoulders tense. He knows where I’m going with this. “I’m lucid. Clearheaded. I’m making a choice, which is to let you know that if you step down, it will be for nothing. I will not stay with you.” My chin trembles. I power through. “So don’t bother—” “Serena.” “—doing that, because it’s not going to—” “Serena.” He steps toward me, and I swallow back my tears. His hand travels to my cheek but drops to his side before making contact. As though he’s no longer sure he has the right to touch me. I did this, I think, nauseous. I did this to him. “I don’t know,” he says, soft, barely audible. He stops. Restarts. A lock of hair falls on his forehead, dark against tanned skin. “I don’t think I can go on without you. Above all, I don’t think I can go on knowing that you need me, and I’m not by your side.” “I’ll be fine,” I lie. “I wish…” His mouth has to work to shape more words. “I wish I could believe you, but—”

“It wasn’t Amanda’s idea. It was mine. So if you have something against—” “You fucking know I do, killer.” We’re the only two in the kitchen area, which gives an illusion of privacy. But that’s just it—an illusion. Everyone can listen in. Everyone is. “Do you have a better plan?” He glares. My heart flutters with fondness, and a bit of sorrow for what I’m about to do to him. “Clearly, you don’t. This is the best way to keep the pack safe.” “I’m not letting you—” “That’s the thing, Koen. You don’t have to let me. I can do whatever I want. I could walk across the Human border right now, and you couldn’t stop me.” His jaw tenses. “I am the Alpha of this pack.” “You are. And everyone else in this room is going to follow your orders. But I won’t.” Suddenly, he seems larger. Angrier. He towers over me in a new, unfamiliar way, and hisses through clenched teeth, “You are under my command. If I say that I want you here, you’ll fucking stay here. Your plan would put you in danger and out of my protection, and that’s unacceptable.” “Koen.” I smile. He leans forward. I should be scared. I’m just not. “I love you,” I say simply. His eyes close. “You are mine. My mate. My—” “More importantly, you love me. And that’s why you have no authority over me.” I reach up to caress his face with the back of my hand. Let my arm fall limp at my side, suddenly cold. When I turn around, I meet Amanda’s eyes, and we nod at each other.

Anneke and Amanda take a step back, and Saul feels my upper arm for the GPS tracker embedded in my flesh. “Still doesn’t hurt?” I shake my head. “Good. It’s a little bit reddened, but that’s for the best, since it’ll make it easier to notice for Irene. If it hurts—” “Shut it, Saul,” Koen grumbles. “She’s an adult Were and doesn’t need you fussing over her.” Saul’s eyebrow perks up. “Excuse me, Alpha. I must have misheard when you threatened to chain her to the radiator to prevent her from stubbing her toe.” “She is my mate,” Koen snarls. “I get to treat her like she’s made of mother-of-pearl. You do not.” Saul hugs me, wishes me good luck, and disappears from Koen’s sight at record speed. Then it’s just us. Across the sky, a bird of prey calls in a loud, descending pitch. “I should have,” Koen mutters. In the sunlight, his eyes look darker than usual. “What?” “Chained you to my fucking radiator. I still could. I will.” I laugh. “No, you won’t. But I’ll be all right. They don’t know I can shift again. If things get dangerous, I can always run.” He clenches his teeth. “If anything happens to you, I’m going to—” “Kill me, yes. I know the drill by now.” I would love to hug him, but Anneke is right behind me, and she’s part of the Assembly. I don’t want to make things harder for him. “I think it’s gonna work, Koen. We’ll get rid of this threat, and we’ll…move on.” I smile. More or less. “Consider it my parting gift to the Northwest.” “You already gave the Northwest enough.” I s...

“I don’t want to make things complicated for him, now that I’m leaving.” She is silent for a long beat. When I turn to face her, I find her staring. “Thank you, Serena,” she tells me. Serious, and uncharacteristically heartfelt. “For what?” “For not taking him from us.” “Oh.” I rub a hand down my jeans. “How do you know that he…?” “I didn’t. Or maybe I did, but not because he told me. I knew from the start that it would come to this. From the moment he returned from the Southwest and told me that he’d found you.” She chuckles, shaking her head. “He was so mad, Serena, for actually liking you so much. And I took Saul aside and said, this is how we lose Koen. He doesn’t know it yet. And if I told him, he’d ask me to fuck off and call me a…a prickhound, or something. But I knew it.” Her expression sobers. “I would have forgiven him if he’d left the Northwest. But I don’t think he’d have forgiven himself. So thank you.”

She’s a small wolf. Cream and white colored, with the same dark brown eyes as her human form, and pale yellow ears that are large for her body and more pointed than most. Her thick tail and delicate muzzle have a few light markings that make her utterly unique. So pretty, he thinks that if she were the last thing he saw, he wouldn’t mind. Not at all.

“Did she shoot me?” “Irene? Yup, but only in the arm. Leg? I don’t know. You were in wolf form.” “Where is she?” “Um, so. Koen was, um, mad.” “Ah.” “You have been de-aunted, I fear.” “How tragic,” I say, not giving a single fuck.

“But, Serena, the thing about Ana and Lowe and Juno and every other person I’ll meet for the rest of my life is…they’re not you. They don’t get it. They’re never going to get it.” I think—I know that if she could cry, she would. I certainly am. “Just like Koen or Amanda are never going to get it. They’ll get other things. They’ll get other moments—they’ll get their own exclusives. But they won’t get this.” What a shameless abuse of the verb “to get.” And yet. “I can’t believe I know exactly what you mean.” “It’s because you—” “Get it. Yes.”

“Can I tell you something?” I force myself to say before I lose the courage. “And it’s not…I’m not asking for anything. I just want you to know, because…I just think that maybe you’d enjoy knowing?” His chin bumps against the crown of my head. A nod. “I was wrong. When I said that you weren’t my mate, even if I was yours. And I know what you’re thinking: ‘No, you idiot, you just fell in love with me like any regular person would, that’s what happens when two people who like each other spend time together,’ but this is…more. I liked you from the very start, in a way that had never happened to me, and all these feelings…I don’t think I have the words to explain, but I…” His chest bounces under my ear. I pull back to find that he’s laughing silently. “What?” “Nothing.” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m just glad you figured it out.” “You mean, you knew?” “Not for sure. But there were signs.” “Oh.” I blink. “Really?” “Serena, our first meeting sent you into Heat.” I flush. “Well, we don’t know that. It could have been a coincidence.” He looks doubtful. “Seriously. Maybe Alex the IT guy sent me into Heat.” “Yeah. Except, you couldn’t bear to be touched by anyone but me.” A smile plays at the corners of his eyes. “People without mates are much less discerning when they’re in that situation, believe me.” “Oh.” I stare into the distance, then back at him. “So…you are my mate?” “We might never know, since your biology is different from a full Were’s. I don’t care very m...

“Were the huddle leaders fuckwaffles about…stuff?” “No more than usual. They said that I’m emotionally compromised over you. Which is true.” His thumb traces my lower lip. “Has been true for a while, really.” “Maybe. So you have—so you have feelings. Big deal.” I might be indignant on his behalf, which is ridiculous. Koen doesn’t need me to protect him or advocate for him, and yet here I am. “It changes nothing. Every single decision you have ever made has taken into consideration the good of the pack.” “Yeah. They would agree with that.” “Good. Because it’s bullshit. You can—you can be in love with someone and still be a fantastic Alpha. The thing is, I love you, and mate or not, I wouldn’t love you half as much if you weren’t the kind of person who deserves it. And one of the reasons you deserve it is that you care.” My stupid eyes are leaking. And Koen… Koen is failing, abysmally, to bite back a smile. “Everybody agrees with you, killer. Including the Assembly.” “Good. They fucking better.” “That’s why they rescinded the covenant.” I don’t get it. Not at first. “What?” “They know what happened. They know how you stood up to me. They know that I let you be our bait. They know that you saved my life. They said exactly what you said.” His hand runs through my hair. His eyes follow its path. “That your presence doesn’t influence my ability to do my job. But I think they’re wrong.” “Wrong?” He nods. “I think it does affect me. I think you make me a better leader.” His smile ...

“Does it mean that…?” He nods. “We can…?” “If you want to.” “If I—” My laugh is thick. Watery. “If I want to? Do you want to?” He laughs, too. “Let me think about it.” I lean forward and bite him on the jaw, hard. I feel his smile grow between my teeth. “So we can just…stay here? In this cabin? And I’ll find some job? And you’ll do your Alpha stuff? And we’ll…we’ll go for runs together? And be boring?” “That sounds like a dream, actually.” “And I’ll cook? And we’ll see Misery and Lowe? And you’ll build me more chairs and let me decorate the cabin?” “Whatever you want, sweetheart.” “And we’ll have Twinkles as our wolf dog who sometimes sleeps on our bed?” “Is that why I nearly walked into a water bowl earlier?” I nod. Burrow into him. He sighs. Tightens his hold on me. “Such a fucking nuisance.” I wonder why it took me until this very moment to realize that it’s been his way of saying I love you all along.

“How does Koen’s recent mating relate to his lack of interest in Were-Human relations?” Maddie asks Lowe, as if Koen weren’t in the same room. “Indirectly. He misses Serena. Can’t be bothered with stuff that’s not her for long.” “Has this been a long trip for him, then?” “Nope. Two days.” “Two and three-quarters,” Koen mutters. Maddie ignores him. “Is that why he checks his phone every two minutes?” “Yes,” Lowe says, just as Koen grunts morosely, “I have a Tetris addiction.” “It’s complicated,” Lowe continues. “Being away from one’s mate. On many levels. And the fresher the mating, the more unpleasant the distance.” He looks like he knows from personal experience. “Does it get better with time?” Maddie asks. Lowe winces. “Not as far as I know. Although…” “Don’t you fucking dare say it,” Koen growls. Once again, Lowe dares. “There are things he could do that would make it more bearable.” “And he isn’t doing them because…?” “Your guess is as good as mi—” Koen chucks his phone at Lowe and is proud of how squarely he hits his mouth. So—yeah. Fine. He’ll need to bite Serena. Then there’ll be a tangible sign of the mating, this whole business will be complete, and the instinctual, feral part of him will be soothed. He’ll feel less like his world could explode for lack of her, less like absconding with her and tucking her in the trunk of a tree and keeping her as his precious, beautiful secret. He will bite her—the alternative is inconceivable—but first he’ll give her time. Space...

“You asked me to bite you,” he rasps out. She nods quickly. “The mating bite.” More nodding. “Mine.” Nod. “On you.” “You never really brought it up again. I was wondering if it was something I did, or—” “I was fucking—” A deep, growly, unspeakable sound rises from deep in his chest. Koen had not known he was capable of that. “I was giving you space.” She frowns. “What?” “I was being a patient, considerate, respectful, non-intrusive, accommodating mate. I was trying to—” “Koen, you are the most intrusive mate ever. You never stop staring at me when we’re in the same room, you wake me up to have sex in the middle of the night, you keep tearing my clothes, and you want to be with me every second you’re not gone on pack business. You’re not really the space-giving kind of partner, and—” “I’m trying. I could be way fucking worse.” “—and I’m not complaining, because I wouldn’t have you any other way.” He swallows. Works his jaw. “You’ve been through some shit. And I’m trying hard to seem more…evolved than I actually am.” She stares up at him with so much pity, he knows how miserably he has failed. “I assumed,” he continues, “that you didn’t want me to shred your skin and make you bleed and scar you purely for my own sexual thrill, and—” “Koen. My love.” Her hand comes up to cup his face. She’s clearly holding in laughter. “Could you please shred my skin and make me bleed and leave a scar purely for your own sexual thri—”

It tastes, Koen thinks, like forever should.