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“Is this the way you talk to your beloved mate?” A single eyebrow lifts. “I said you were my mate. Not that I loved you.” I gasp out a single, outraged laugh,
“Absolutely fucking no.” “If you don’t tell her, Koen, she’ll find out anyway.” “How? Will she steal my diary? Is she able to read minds?”
“Is this a, um…terminal diagnosis?” His lips twitch. “No cure, I’m afraid.” “I see.” I clear my throat. “Well, this relationship sure escalated quickly.”
“Does it mean that he likes me?” “Yes,” Lowe says—which perfectly covers Koen’s “No.” I frown. “Wow. This is bringing me lots of clarity. Thanks, guys.”
“I hope I don’t sound conceited, but…how is it different from the reaction of most Human men I’ve met?” I cringe the instant the words are out. “God. I do sound conceited. I’m sorry. I promise I don’t walk around thinking that my face launches a thousand erections—” “You’re the most beautiful woman that I’ve ever seen,” he says simply.
“You’re my closest friend’s husb—mate’s closest friend. And I’d love to get along with you. So maybe we could be, you know, friends.” “What about polite acquaintances?” he counters. I cannot tell whether he’s serious, so I nod. “Deal. And you may quietly pine after me, if you must.”
“She practiced on you.” “Of course. How else was she supposed to learn? She needed a brain to train on, and mine was right there.” “Maybe there was permanent damage. That would explain it.” “Explain what?” “The many things that are wrong with you.”
“She’s already a bunch of stressors stacked in a trench coat. There are only that many kidnapping and murder attempts a child can endure before developing serious issues and self-destructive behaviors. We wouldn’t want her to grow up and, say, go to grad school.” “Don’t worry,” Misery reassures me, “every day I drill into her that we’ll be disappointed in anything but a DJing career.” “You’re such a good role model.” “I know. Right, Lowe?”
grunts and protests. Misery, who’s taking to being an Alpha’s mate a little too well, commands me to “come to bed in the Southwest right now. Without dinner.” “Wrong meal, Misery. Also, I don’t take orders from the chick who once gave me toenail fungus.” “Shut up. Acknowledge me as your Alpha!” “Love, we’ve been over this,” Lowe murmurs, patting her knee. “It’s not how it works.”
“Or me.” Misery scowls. “Now that I think about it, Serena, send me your new phone number. So I can keep you updated on Sparkles’s bowel movements, as you requested.” “I requested cute pictures. Please, stop sending cat turds.” “Nah.”
Unknown number: You are now officially in charge of my sister, so be aware that if she gets so much as a skinned knee, I will fuck up your life. I will steal your identity and ruin your credit score. I will plant evidence of white-collar crimes on your computer. I will take control of your webcam and film you while you’re picking your nose. I will hack your pack directory and impersonate you and send everyone emails about how much you’d love for them to come over and snuggle with you. I will sell your information to the dark web and clone your credit cards and make donations to pro-cancer
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Serena: Would you love me less if my name was Eva? Misery: Yes. Misery: But not like, by a lot.
“I can’t believe you take your coffee black but sweeten your tea,” I say. “I don’t drink black coffee.” “What? Since when?” “Since I started drinking it, during the High Middle Ages.” “But…I’ve been giving you black coffee.” “And I have been hating it.” I frown. “Are you sure you don’t take it black? Like a real man?”
This ain’t my first rodeo—and by rodeo, of course, I mean kidnapping.
“See? I told Lowe that you’re too smart to fall for this crap.” Misery rolls her eyes. “What are you two going to talk about?” “I’m going to rip Serena a new one.” “What does that mean?” “You know how right now she only has one butthole? I’m going to—”
