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“Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?” he asks.
“If I recall correctly, there was a lack of words.”
He lets a laugh out under his breath. “Not just tonight. June, please tell ...
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“I think there are a lot of things we’ve each said that the other didn’t really hear,”
“You’re going to lose it either way.” He looks at me with intent, and my skin prickles as if I’m full of tiny balloons that are being popped. “Either you or he is going to find someone else,” he says like he’s reading it from a crystal ball. “You’ll go your separate ways, naturally, and you’ll lose it. Or you both take a chance on this, you break up, and you lose it.”
“Option three is it works out and you get something so much better. All I’m saying is life is short.” He places his hand over mine, and my throat begins to swell.
“There’s no way to preserve anything forever. Trust me, I know. You win, you lose…but you can’t do either unless you take a chance.”
“Don’t tell me we’re friends,”
“We crossed that line years ago. Five minutes ago, we were holding hands, making out, saying how much we missed each other.”
“June, I don’t have the desire to even look at...
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“I’m not blaming you, June. I would never. But unless you can tell me that you’re all in, then I don’t want us to happen like this—” He gestures his hands to nothing in particular. “As a result of some heated argument? Our story deserves better than that.”
“June,” Adam says softly. “You know I love you, right?”
It’s not anything flashy or performative, because it’s not a confession. It’s not a declaration. We’re simply saying out loud what we’ve both always known. What we’ve been showing each other for years.
I don’t know where or when it went wrong, but I know you were more than a roommate and you were more than my best friend. You can sit there and deny it all of these years later, but I know you felt the same. And one day, you just left. You left this, you left us, like it was so easy. Like none of this mattered.”
“You really don’t get it, do you? I want you,” he says. “The years I spent with you were the happiest I’ve ever been. I chased that feeling and I couldn’t find it. So no, I don’t care about a family and a marriage, or any of those things I thought were important. I care about being with someone who makes me happy. In whatever way they want to be with me.”
“Adam, I’ve loved you for eleven years and I’m positive I’m going to love you for the next eleven after that, and after that. My whole life I’ve been afraid of losing what I love…and that’s why I left. Because maybe if I left first it would be easier. I was trying to protect myself, and instead everything I was afraid of happening to me, I did to you.”
“You are my person, Adam, my home, and I know I fucked this up. I didn’t deserve a second chance, and I definitely don’t deserve a third one. I’m not asking you to forgive me. I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“June…” There’s a groove in between his brows and his eyes are darting back and forth between mine. “Don’t you know by now that it’s you? It will always be you.”
“That I love you, June.” He holds my face. “And no matter how hard I try, I’m not capable of loving anyone else the same way.”
