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“See this PT?” he shouts to the crowded gym. “This is my PT. You got that, assholes? I don’t make the rules, but I will enforce them.”
“This guy? How ’bout you watch your fucking tone, Bouch. This is Doctor Teddy O’Connor. We call him Teddy of the Golden Hands, because he’s fucking magical. He gives the best damn leg massages I’ve ever had.”
“Come on, Doc, please. I’ll be so good for you. I won’t say another word, I swear.”
But then he drops it, eyes wide. “Oh, shit.” “What?” “I gotta go make sure my passport isn’t expired!”
“We’re coming back in a week,” I say again. “And I swear, I don’t even have drugs or anything. And I won’t get any drugs in Stockholm,” I add, panic rising.
“So, tell me about Sweden. Do you think we’ll see any polar bears?”
Teddy’s hand is quickly at my shoulder. “Jesus,” he hisses at her. “Want me to hold his arms back so you can just punch him right in the fucking face?”
He raises a brow. “Do you read Swedish?” “Shoot, not on Tuesdays,” I reply lamely.
“I’m sorry, but we’ve gotta hit the big red pause button again. Henrik, that’s not the only thing I needed to tell you.”
“Fuck, seriously? You want me to just say it right here in front of Swedish C-3PO?”
We got married with no fucking plan. I mean, who does that?” “Teddy—” “No, I know me, obviously.
“Pull up a chair. Hey, do you have any shark floaties I can borrow?” “Good night, Teddy,”
Henrik and I share another glance. “Seriously?” I say. “Like, you want us to just start naming the parts of a tree?” At the same time, Henrik says, “Acorns.”
I glance up at Novy, always the prankster. “These won’t turn our fingers green, will they?” He crosses his tatted arms. “Fuck you. Those are twenty-four-carat gold. You’re welcome.”
“You men, I swear. Never in my thirty years in the League have I dealt with so many personal revelations on one team. I mean, how does this even happen? How are you all gay?”
Jake smiles, glancing up at his husband. “Did I use it right?” Caleb nods. “Yeah, man, I think that was right,” says Langley. “Sounded right to me,” says Novy with a shrug.
He slips on his cheaters and reads from the first letter. “‘Henrik Karlsson is as gay as the day is long. I always knew he and Teddy would get together.’” “Oh, hey.” Novy perks up, raising his hand. “Coach, that’s mine. I wrote that one.”
“Read mine next,” says Jake.
“Ow—babe—hey, not so feisty in front of Coach!”
Whatever my husband wants, he gets.
‘Oh, hey, Teddy, look at me lookin’ so fine out on this ice. Think we could melt it?’”
“I’m just looking out for Teddy’s best interests. Someone has to. Don’t they, Mr. Karlsson? It surely won’t be you.”
Oh brother
“But if you ever talk to my husband like that again, it’ll be the last time you ever talk to me.”
Looooooooooove
Novy answers my phone, turning it on speaker. He puts on an airy receptionist voice. “You’ve reached the office of Doctor Theodore O’Connor. May I ask who’s calling?”
“Man, I am so fucking jealous that you get the full Teddy treatment whenever you want. Coley likes to think he gives good massages, but honestly, he’s as bad as old Iron Fingers Brady.”
His gaze softens. “How will I know if I can give you everything you want, if you won’t let me try?”
“Christ, Teddy! If he catches me touching you again, he’s gonna abracadabra that fucking glass, charge up here, and kick my ass!”
And the whole house smells like cinnamon, because Teddy made kanelbullar. They’re a bit misshapen and a little burnt on the bottom. But he made them, which makes them perfect.
Part of me wishes Teddy would just take charge, shove me against the wall, and have his way with me.
“In my official capacity as President of the WAGs, if I know you intend to break his heart, I’m required by my oath of office to kick your ass.”
“Found them,” says Henrik, holding up his key ring. He finds me on the floor and lifts a confused brow. “What are you doing on the floor, mitt hjärta?”
“Play fair or get the fuck off my ice!”
For better or worse. That was in our vows, right? They were in Swedish, so I don’t even fucking know.
“Now, finish getting dressed, and get ready to defend my honor. I know I look tough, but I bruise like a peach.”
“My husband is talking to you,” Henrik says, pointing at me.
The shriek that comes out of me as he grabs me is totally involuntary. “Violence will avail you nothing!”
“Let him go,” a new voice growls. “Ow, ow—fuck—you’re gonna rip it off,” Novy snarls. “Let my husband go, or I twist.”
Henrik just glares back. “Touch my husband again, and your keys will take up new residence in your colon.”
“Thank you,” he whispers, his fingers trailing down the line of my shoulder. “For what?” I feel his smile as he leans in, kissing my brow. “For waiting for me.”
“You gotta admit, I’m a lot. Especially for Swedish people.” “You are just enough.
“Say another word to him, and I kill you,” Henrik bellows, fighting against his teammates.
Jake rounds on him. “You got a fucking death wish, asshole? ’Cause with a snap of my fingers, my guys let Karlsson go to finish your drunk ass.”
“And me, lamm? Do you want to stay with me forever too?” She takes my hand. “I have to.” “Why?” She shrugs. “You were sad before I came, Morbror. You’re not sad anymore.”
Actually, this is a bit of a bait-and-switch situation. Classic Novy, right? I’m a scoundrel.
We’ll all taste a bit of afternoon delight, and no one needs to ever know.
“Miss Marj, if I wasn’t married, I’d get down on one knee!”
“I’ve kept it safe for you, mitt hjärta. You told me to wait and give it to a partner I love, cherish, and adore.” He holds it out to me. “Will you take it now? Take it, like you’ve taken my heart.”
“I was thinking something small.” “For Christmas? What, like a small present?” “No, for the wedding. I was thinking we plan something small. You know, just Karolina, your family, and our close friends.” “Oh, honey.” He lovingly pats my cheek. “That’s why you’re not planning it.”
An old lady named Marjorie shuffled up to me moments ago and offered me a butterscotch candy.
“You’ll be good to my baby brother?” I nod. “As long as there is breath in my body.”
