Between Soul and Vessel (Between Life and Death, #4)

by Jaclyn Kot

I had lost her. My mate. My Sage. But I would get her back.

If I ever had any humanity in me, it had been destroyed when she died.

“If she is here, Nockrythiam might follow.” “Nockrythiam?” I asked, feeling as if the wind had been knocked out of me. There wasn’t a soul alive who hadn’t heard that legendary name, regardless of how hard the empress tried to erase it. He was the greatest fighter in all of the lands, the bringer of death, and the last defender of Emperor Alaric. The Ender of Realms.

“You do not need to remind me. I was there through it all. But have you forgotten, Avena? Despite all of the things you did to ensure success, she still had a child with him,”

Von and I had been so close to having the family we dreamed of. We had been so close, and Nicholas had robbed us of it. Of our child. Of our future. Of everything.

If they asked me what my favorite color was, I’d say her eyes. Favorite anything? Easy answer—her.

Without Sage, I was an empty vessel.

There was a time when I’d once thought myself a savior, a defender of innocent life, but I hadn’t even been able to protect myself. I couldn’t even protect our child.

And so, there I lay, the Goddess of Life, covered in my own urine. I wasn’t a savior. I wasn’t a fighter. I wasn’t a warrior. I was nothing. The Goddess of Nothing.

“You asked how I know Nockrythiam,” I started. “He’s the father of the child I lost . . . He is my mate.” Her mouth fell open like a window with a broken latch. “Holy shit,” the priestess whispered to herself.

“The reason why it felt so real was because it was Sage’s dream pairing with yours. It was really her.” My eyes widened. For a brief moment, Sage and I . . . we had been connected.

After every fight, the empress would always request that I return to her chambers. Those visits—something Aryx had warned me about—started when I was a young immortal, just a boy by human standards.

The screams of a young boy sounded in my ears, and I forced myself to look away. I hated that bed. I hated this room. I hated her—

Reaching up, she traced the macabre scars that marred my face, put there by her own hand. “You are hauntingly beautiful, my champion. You have the bone structure of an angel, but the scars of a demon.”

But why? I asked it. I had no child. No mate. No home. I had nothing. So why should I fight?

My beloved Death knelt before me.

Standing beside her was another female. A female who looked a bit like . . . Me.

“I just wish I would have gotten the chance to know them.” Softly, she squeezed my hand. “Who knows what comes after this realm. Maybe someday, you will.”

I knew what it was like to die behind closed doors; I experienced it every time the empress called me to her room. I hated that the women in the Living Realm had to experience that too. Hated that things were so . . . out of balance.

“Can I kiss you?” I brushed my thumb over her heart-shaped mouth. She nodded, her eyes hooked on mine. I lowered my face to hers and then I did the very thing I had been longing to do for centuries . . . I kissed her.

In that moment, I knew— I was the richest immortal alive, all because I had her.

By the way, Von is getting really impatient.

“Rise, Sagentia, daughter of Luna,”

“Can you do it now?” A dark, handsome grin appeared on his lips. “Only if you are willing to make a deal with me.” “What do you have in mind?” His black lashes lowered, shadowing his gaze as it swept over me, taking all of me in before they rose back up to mine. “That tonight, you become my wife.”

“I surrender to you, Little Goddess. From this day forth, I vow to be your protector—your sword and your shield. I vow to be steadfast—my loyalty unwavering and true. I vow that my body will be a sanctuary to yours—my arms a safe fortress, my chest your place to rest. I vow to always hold space for your dreams, to honor you, our bond. I vow to be a good husband. I vow to be yours.”

“I think the dragon might have been . . . you.”

My mate telling me she thought I was the dragon from her dreams was not something I expected to hear tonight, out of all things. Then again, I didn’t expect her to crack me in the jaw, either, but—I dabbed at the blood with the back of my hand—here we were.

“Sage is my mate, my wife, and your queen. You will treat her as such. This is not negotiable, nor is it something I will ask again.”

“You will show her respect, or you will find yourself on the wrong side of my sword. Am I understood?”

The connection between Shadow and I was so strong, it was hard not to wonder if we were.

In that moment, I understood. He wanted my consent—he wanted to be certain this was something I wanted because the empress had never given him the option. She had only taken from him, regardless of what he wanted.

“If the sun fails to rise tomorrow, and all of creation were to meet its end, I could die happily, knowing I got the chance to experience this with you. To be connected to you. So yes, Shadow, I want this more than anything. I want you.”

Shadow’s desperate roar was the last thing I heard before she squeezed her fist, and my life came to an end.

“Sage is the daughter of Alaric, the primordial God of Creation.”

“I want this infuriating mouth to find something better to do than argue with me.”

“I love you, Sage.” “I love you too,” I panted back. “Remember that.” A sinful grin played across his lips. “Because I’m going to fuck you like an animal now.”

“She is your bonded, as you are his. Two halves of a circle, but together, you are complete. Without one, there cannot be another. Yin and yang. Black and white. Creator and Ender. Life and Death.”

“You’re not Von,” I hissed, rearing back. “No, I’m not,” he said, turning to face me. “Hello, Moonbeam. It’s so good to see you.”

I would tell her how proud I was of her for fighting. How proud I was of her for surviving. She was a warrior.

“I’m going to destroy you, Nicholas,” I promised him, my words slurred. “Eh, probably not before Aurelius and I destroy her first.” Nicholas grinned. “In every way you can imagine.”

“Wait, wait, before you go night-night, I have one last thing to tell you.” He leaned in, whispering in my ear, “Did you know you have a son?” A . . . son? I fought to keep my eyes open. I fought so damn hard.

Our swords sung as they crossed each other—fire against water. Sun against moon. Abuser against survivor. Narcissist against warrior.

“I’ll never help you,” I slurred. “You don’t need to be compliant,” she countered. She swept her nails down the side of my cheek—not enough to break the skin, but enough to cause some discomfort. “Come now, don’t make such a horrid face. It’s not all that bad. Perhaps I’ll even let you meet your son this time.” “My . . . son?” I fumbled the words. “Mhm.” The empress smiled with her gleaming white teeth. She leaned in, whispering in my ear, “His name is Shadow.”