The Last Continent (Discworld, #22; Rincewind, #6)

by Terry Pratchett

Paleontology and archaeology and other skulduggery were not subjects that interested wizards. Things are buried for a reason, they considered. There’s no point in wondering what it was. Don’t go digging things up in case they won’t let you bury them again.

Ponder Stibbons was one of those unfortunate people cursed with the belief that if only he found out enough things about the universe it would all, somehow, make sense. The goal is the Theory of Everything, but Ponder would settle for the Theory of Something and, late at night, when Hex appeared to be sulking, he despaired of even a Theory of Anything.

even ordinary books are dangerous, and not only the ones like Make Gelignite the Professional Way. A man sits in some museum somewhere and writes a harmless book about political economy and suddenly thousands of people who haven’t even read it are dying because the ones who did haven’t got the joke.

Knowledge is dangerous, which is why governments often clamp down on people who can think thoughts above a certain caliber.

“But we’re a university! We have to have a library!” said Ridcully. “It adds tone. What sort of people would we be if we didn’t go into the Library?” “Students,” said the Senior Wrangler morosely.

“Senior Wrangler, we are elderly, wise and experienced wizards,” said Ridcully. “Students are prankers.” “Pranksters, possibly,” mumbled Ponder Stibbons. “Whatever. We do not indulge in pranks.” “With us it’s a fully fledged gold-embossed cock-up or nothing,” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.

It had been going so well. They almost seemed up to speed. This may have been what caused Ponder to act like the man who, having so far fallen a hundred feet without any harm, believes that the last few inches to the ground will be a mere formality.

“Mind yew,” said one of the shearers, wistfully, “that was a beautiful lookin’ sheep.”

“We put all our politicians in prison as soon as they’re elected. Don’t you?” “Why?” “It saves time.”

The alchemists say it is the key to immortality, but they say that about orange juice, crusty bread and drinking your own urine. An alchemist would cut his own head off if he thought it’d make him live longer.