Sin and Redemption

by Cora Reilly

“Oh Sara, love. I wish I could take this pain from you. It’s one I’d hoped you’d never experience. I know how crushing it is.” I searched Mom’s face. “Have you experienced it?” Mom sighed, her eyes teary. “Twice, one at seven weeks, one at eight weeks.” “You didn’t say anything yesterday.” “I didn’t feel like it was the right time to share my own story with you.” I took Mom’s hand in mine. “Did you blame yourself?” Mom paused. “I think many women worry that they did something wrong, and that’s why it happened, but most of the time, it just happens because the pregnancy wasn’t viable. Do you blame yourself?” I looked away. I’d never felt more guilty in my life. More tears filled my eyes as I considered all the times I’d wished I wasn’t pregnant from a horrible event and how often I’d worried that the baby would remind me of what happened. What if the baby had felt so unwanted it had simply perished? I closed my eyes and let out a deep sob, my heart aching so fiercely I wasn’t sure I could take another moment of it. “Oh, Sara, please don’t think you are to blame. Our thoughts can’t end a viable pregnancy. Nothing you did led to this. Absolutely nothing.”

“I birthed and raised you. I held you when you cried when you were little. Don’t think I don’t see when you’re breaking inside. If this was how you just described it, you wouldn’t have buried it the way you did. Lie to yourself if it helps you, but I can see the truth!”