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“Okay, then what do you know?” “Word searches. I know how to solve a Rubik’s Cube in seconds. I know the difference between Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, and the pure shit that is Pepsi.” “Dear God,” she mutters and looks away.
“I was naked, ready to have some birthday fun with my wife, who had just given me the best day frolicking under my favorite lighthouse. She was naked as well and looking so fucking fine.” I mean, thank you, but please stop talking about me naked.
“Yeah, well, all those food blogs you read are useless, because your chicken tastes like cardboard.” “That’s a family recipe!” I yell, unsure of where that came from.
“I don’t want our marriage to have potential. I wanted it to die dead on the floor of that office. I wanted us hemorrhaging up there. I wanted there to be no ability to resuscitate.” I gesture toward the office. “After the potential he saw in us?” “Potential?” “Yes, he said we could still make it.” She stands taller, blinking. “Oh my God.”
“Are you testing me before you get in my car?” “And if I was?” She crosses her arms. “Then I approve.” I move around to her side and lean against the car. “I wasn’t looking for your approval.” “How dare I even hand it out then. Shame on me.”
“Got it. Hand-holding, no kissing, definitely no public tongue action, and crotch-to-crotch hugs.” “I said pelvis-to-pelvis.” “Isn’t that the same thing?” I ask. “Yes, but ‘pelvis’ sounds less vile rolling off the tongue.”
“By the way, I didn’t do a lot of munching in college.” “Nor did I do a lot of swallowing,” I reply, feeling so ridiculous saying that. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not good at it,” he adds. “Not about quantity, it’s about quality.” “Same, Wilder. Same.”
i- i'm going to die of cringe
“Is it weird that your suggestion just made my nipples hard?”
Yes
“Hey, stop that. No laughing. You need to look irritated around me.” “Then don’t make me laugh.” “Don’t say dumb things, like ‘twinning.’”
Then you gave me that little wiggle of your eyebrow that told me you wanted to play with my corn on the cob.”
I want to disappear into the sea
“You could have slept in my armpit, and I wouldn’t have cared,” he says. “Oh, is that right? Well, I guess I’ll consider that for tonight.”
“You’ve asked to insert my tampon,” I deadpan. He throws his hands up in the air. “I was curious. It was for science!”
“It’s Jigglypuff. For fuck’s sake, it’s Jigglypuff!” “No…one…cares.” “Everyone cares,” he shouts, his voice cracking.
There is nothing wrong with your legs. Personally, I think they’re hot. The moment I saw you in that skirt standing outside Anthropologie, I thought to myself, she has hot legs. Nothing weird about them.”
Jesus, man, pull it together. A girl sits on your lap, and all of a sudden, you have butterflies in your stomach? Tighten up.
“Put it in your mouth, huh?” I give him the side-eye. “Your lack of maturity is showing.” “Is it? Or am I just clarifying?”
I felt that kiss all the way to my freaking loins, Denise. My loins!” “Dear God,” she whispers. “Not the loins.” “The loins!”
And I don’t need you to respond or really say anything about what life is going to look like after we leave camp, but I do need you to sit on those two facts. I would never hurt you. And I like you. Can you do that for me?”
She playfully tugs on my beanie. “You know it’s the summer, right?” “Nothing stops me from representing my emotional side.”
“And here I thought we were going to be a whole ‘till summer do us part’ situation.”
He said the line
