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She’s slightly jaded, a little rough around the edges, has a good sense of humor, but doesn’t show it often. She’s a bit grumpy most of the time but also lighthearted when she’s excited about something…like a black eye.
And I know it wasn’t his responsibility to boost my ego, but I wish he would’ve at least once looked at me like he wanted to devour me. I wish he had given me a touch of confidence in the bedroom when I took my clothes off with just one hungry look or nod of approval.
“I was born into this world worrying,” she says. “I don’t know any other way of living.”
“You need to hang out with me more often,” I say. “I can teach you not to worry or sweat the small things.”
It’s the simple things that are making him happy, and I find that fascinating. He has a thirst for life. The need to explore. To engage. To experience the journey beyond a screen. He wants to capture moments on this earth, and I find it so refreshing.
“Then why are you crying?” “I think it’s a combination of a bunch of emotions. Sorrow for the woman who spent so much time with him. Joy for the woman who’s no longer with him. Excitement for the woman who just had the absolute best time of her life with a man between her legs.”
“Scottie, I know I want to see you again.” “And I really appreciate that,” I say, the scars on my heart feeling like they’re being tugged on. “But I’ve been hurt badly, and I can see myself becoming very attached to you—a part of me already has—and even though we’re having fun, I can’t risk that attachment out of fear that you’re not going to be ready to take that step forward.”
And when he says things like that, it makes me want him that much more, because he’s so understanding, supportive, the kind of guy that I want in my life. And that’s why I worry, because I’m already attached. What happens when we get back to the city, he takes me out, I grow even more attached, and then he decides he’s still not ready?
“Because I’m scared,” I answer honestly. “Really scared. I shouldn’t have feelings for someone I just met, and here I am…thinking about you all the time, loving being next to you, wanting to see your handsome face whenever I get a chance. I don’t…I don’t want to get hurt, and everything I’m feeling right now is setting me up for that.”
