Release Me: (The Beckett Brothers, #5)

by L.A. Gallagher

‘It’s complicated. The only thing I can tell you, is that she’s the most stunning woman I’ve ever met in my life, and even if it never comes to anything, I’ll spend the rest of my fucking life wishing things could have been different.’ ‘Fuck. Me.’ Anthony takes a step back, scanning me from head to toe. ‘Have you been snorting coke again?’ I huff out a laugh. ‘I haven't snorted coke since you gave me a line in Marbella when we were eighteen and it took me three solid days to come down, and when I did I cried for another fucking three.’ Drugs don’t agree with me. I have enough trouble dealing with the natural chemicals coursing through my blood without shoving more unpredictable shit up my nose.

It’s my turn to take a step back. ‘It might not be enough for you, but I’m better than that. I know what she’s worth.’

My hands glide over her dress, resting on the curve of her hip beneath. For one suspended moment, it’s only us and the music—and the dangerous knowledge that if a single spark shows between us, it’ll burn down both our worlds.

‘It physically fucking pains me to think of you being “bollocks deep” in the brunette or anyone else. I can’t bear to be around you. To see you with one of them.’ His low laughter thrums through the air as his chest vibrates against mine. ‘Sweetheart, the only thing I’m bollocks deep in is my right hand while I’m thinking about you.’ What a fucking visual. It’s a struggle to breathe, let alone form words. Finally, I find my tongue. The bubbles have gone straight to my head because I am never normally this brazen. ‘That would be a really good time to FaceTime me.’

‘You might be married, Beks, and you’re older, but not old, and I, for one, find that sexy as fuck.’ My stomach somersaults. ‘You’ll get me in trouble, Rian.’ ‘I’m starting to wonder if it would be worth the consequences…’

‘Oh. My. Fucking. God,’ she exclaims. ‘That was like watching a full-blown fucking porno.’

It’s getting harder and harder to keep up the persona. To be the joker. The life and soul, when my soul belongs to someone I can never have.

the chest. I ache for her. I ache to be with her. I ache for everything that we can never have. But despite everything, despite the hurt inside, even hearing her voice brings a smile to my lips. ‘Merry

‘Maybe, I can help you with that. Make a wish, and I’ll see if I can make it happen for you.’ ‘Okay,’ she pauses, and I think I hear her take a drink. ‘I wish I was married to you instead of that asshole working in Dubai. Can you make that happen?’ My heart splits open, for both of us, but in true Rian style, I use humour to hide the hurt. ‘Are you proposing to me, Rebekka? Because that’s what it sounded like.’ ‘I think I am, you know.’ She hiccups. ‘There’s just one teeny, tiny, insignificant—and believe me, I mean insignificant—problem.’ She pauses for effect. ‘I’m already married to somebody else.’ ‘He doesn’t deserve you.’ I drop into one of the velvet couches pressed against the far wall. ‘I know, right?’ She laughs, a small, bitter laugh. ‘But I’m learning the hard way that we

don’t get what we deserve in this world. We get what we’re given.’ ‘Or, we get what we take for ourselves,’ I muse.

‘You going to come over here and take me?’ There’s a daring, flirtatious edge to her tone. It must be the alcohol. Or maybe she’s just finally done with being a good girl while her husband is the baddest bastard around. ‘Sweetheart, if I were to come over there,’ my voice drops dangerously low and husky, ‘I would take you every which fucking way invented.’ A tiny gasp slips from the phone. ‘Maybe we should continue this conver...

This man, he’s everything I want, and everything I can never have. Even if I wasn’t married to his best friend, Rian Beckett is a notorious player. I’ve watched him leave so many parties with so many women over the years. He’d break my heart in two as quick as look at me. Wouldn't he?

‘If you were mine, I’d worship you every second of every fucking day for the rest of my life.’

‘We won’t be able to take it back,’ I whisper. ‘I never fucking want to.’ He shakes his head, rubbing his fingers over the stubble dotting his chin. ‘Just this once, okay?’

‘Clocked what?’ She stares at me for a long beat. ‘That I’m fucking obsessed with you.’ It’s my turn to stare at her. ‘It’s so obvious, if anyone were to look for it.’ ‘Oh, Ivy seems to have noticed. Avery too.’

‘Are you staring at me?’ He reaches for me and pulls me into his powerful chest. ‘That’s kind of creepy.’ I nuzzle my cheek into his pec, the sound of his heart thrumming into my ear. ‘Says the man who claims to be obsessed with me. ‘I don’t claim to be, I am.’ He presses a kiss to my forehead. ‘Which is why your lingerie is in my suit pocket as a souvenir.’ ‘Funny,’ I slap his chest playfully.

‘I’m not joking,’ he says solemnly. ‘Well, if that’s true, it probably won’t creep you out that I’ve been sleeping in your t-shirt since I stole it two months ago.’ He sniggers. ‘You have no idea how happy that makes me.’

‘Why not?’ His lips brush over the top of my head again. ‘It’s too quiet. I usually sleep with white noise on. A meditation or sometimes a sleep story. It’s just so… quiet here compared to New York.’ I wince. In the few months Anthony and I did try to share a room, my need for noise used to drive him mad. It provides the perfect excuse to not share a room when we stay at his family’s house. ‘So why aren’t we listening to one then?’ He smooths his hand over my hair. ‘You don’t mind?’ ‘Sweetheart, if you wanted me to listen to Baby Shark on repeat all night, I’d fucking listen to it. I’m just so grateful to finally get to spend the night with you.’

My heart swells in my chest, then splinters. This man. He’s everything. Everything I need. Everything I’ll never have.

‘What’s wrong? Don’t feel guilty, Bekka, don’t you dare,’ his voice turns harsher then. ‘This is why I wouldn’t let you touch me. Call it fucked up morals or whatever you like, but you have done nothing wrong. This is all on me. Let me carry the weight of it. Let me carry the guilt. I refuse to let you carry that along with everything else.’ He jerks back so we’re almost nose to nose. Huge ebony eyes bore into mine. ‘Do you think he’s feeling guilty this morning?’ He snorts. ‘It’s not that,’ I say quietly, dragging the back of my hand over my streaky cheeks. ‘What then?’ His eyes search mine. ‘I probably should feel bad about Anthony,’ I pause, swallowing the lump in my throat. ‘But the truth is, I feel bad for us. For you. For me. That this can never happen again.’ ‘Never say never, sweetheart,’ his jaw tightens, a determined glint forms in his eye. ‘Between us, we’ll lose everything. You told me last night your parents would be

horrified if you ran off with your best friend’s wife—and who could blame them. It would be a total scandal. Mine wouldn’t exactly be impressed with me either. Neither would the De Courcys. That’s three families ruined. I’d lose everything I’ve worked for over the last three years. All the misery Anthony put me through would be for nothing.’ He sighs. ‘Technically, it’s been three years, eleven weeks, and two days—but who’s counting.’ ‘I’m so glad we had this, though…’ I trail off, blinking back a fresh river of tears. ‘Me too. Me too, sweetheart.’ He flops onto the bed beside me, and I snuggle into his chest one last time.

‘Where’s your room?’ I blurt before I can stop myself. ‘Directly across from yours,’ he grins. ‘We’re playing with fire.’ I fold my arms across my chest. ‘I will never burn you.’ His eyes smoulder with sincerity. ‘You already have.’ I perch on the edge of the bed, running a hand over the soft quilted sheets. ‘But in the best and worst possible way.’ ‘In that case, let’s get you in the water.’ He winks, twists the brass doorknob and backs out of the room. ‘See you in five.’

Last night with the Becketts was the best night of my life–but also the worst. Because now I know exactly what my life could have been if I hadn’t married Anthony. How happy I could have been.

‘Sweetheart, once I get my cock in you, I may never take it out.’ His black eyes blaze with a hunger that mirrors my own. ‘I’m going to fuck you fifty ways to fucking Sunday, then fifty more. I tried to stay away from you. Tried to do the right thing. But no one else is, so why the fuck should we? I’m fucking obsessed with you, woman. I want to worship your body every way I know how. Take your dress off and let me show you.’

‘Fucking fantastic.’ I drape my arms over his huge, sculpted shoulders and hang on to the nape of his neck as he thrusts into me. ‘You’re on your knees for me.’ He reaches round and grabs my ass cheeks, half pulling my backside off the couch, providing him with deeper access. ‘Sweetheart, it’s my favourite place to be.’

‘You are so bad.’ She slaps my chest playfully. ‘Maybe, but I promise you, sweetheart, I’ll never be bad to you.’ ‘I know.’ She nods, and there’s an earnestness in her eyes. ‘I know. You’re the first man who’s never let me down.’

‘I’ll sell it very quickly,’ Scarlett glances at her husband lovingly. ‘It’s like waking up with your best friend every day—Sorry, Avery—you know you’re my original BFF, but he does things to me that you never did.’ She giggles and clinks her glass against Avery’s. ‘It’s never feeling lonely again. It’s having the trust and freedom to express yourself, in and out of the bedroom. Basically, it’s beautiful—when you’re married to the right person.’

Rian is my safe space. He has been for a while.

‘In my house. You’re the queen. You get whatever you want. You want me to make you come? I’ll do it. You want me to hold you and listen to some old lady tell us we’re a gift to the world, I’ll do that too. All I want is for you to be happy.’ ‘You make me happy,’ she whispers. ‘Ditto, my darling.’

whatever that looks like right now. It’ll all work out, trust me.’ ‘How come you’re so sure?’ ‘Because you and I were meant to be. I’ve known it since the minute I met you. So stop worrying about things and let’s just see how they unfold.’

‘Now what do you want to do today?’ She stares at me with an incredulous look on her face. ‘You want to spend the day with me?’ I shake my head in wonder. She still has no idea how deeply I feel for her. ‘Sweetheart, I want to spend every minute of every day with you. When will you get the memo?’

mine. ‘I love you, Rebekka Remington. I loved you from the moment we met. I have no doubt I will always love you. I can’t help it. It’s not something I can control.’ The air rushes from my lungs. I open my mouth, but words won’t come. I was expecting the worst. Not the best.

‘I just want you to know that if you choose to leave him, if you lose the business, you’ll always have me. But I’ll never ever pressure you.’

‘I love you,’ I blurt. ‘I love everything about you. I love ...

laugh. I love the way you love me.’ My eyes well with tears, not for the first time because of a man—but for...

‘I love you, Rebekka Remington. I will never look at another woman again. I don’t have to, because the one I’ve always wanted is in my bed, balancing on my balls, and I’ve just told her I’m so fucking obsessed with her that I need to put babies in her.’ A small smile tugs her lips. ‘Saved by your quick tongue, yet again. So why are we going to the strip bar?’