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Palqtlo said that when you feel all of your emotions dedicated to your chosen actions, then your life’s ‘on purpose’. This is a power of commitment. “We have no idea,” he would tell me, “how much doubt plays in our lives.”
“There’s never much time, and always less than expected. What you want to be must be every moment, or it’ll never happen. To make a dream come true, you’ve got to serve it to yourself and appreciate each day.”
Live by
Until you’ve come here to live, you’ll never learn a thing. Until you’ve come here to prevail and use fear and other emotions as tools, you’ll only survive the ordeal of life . . . surviving is not living.”
we don’t experience our power until we make the hard decisions to commit.
Every day. Every moning 4am
Everybody really loves everybody Sometimes in our rush we don’t play our part Slow your rhythm down Gather all the folks around Let the grace of God open up your heart
“We’re going to work your past presence, your present presence and your future presence, your history, your story and your mystery.”
Complete therapy
“The present is the only living moment,” he says. “It’s the only event that contains your life, your love, your power, your wealth of time and your reality. Our passages force you to come back to the present moment as your home.”
“Death is a reality check between lifetimes,” she replies. “It breaks the spell, but then every time you fall asleep, you break the spell. Because your world has such an intense agenda, as a child grows up the spell is re-established and the connection is lost.”
Time is the illusion
the tools you have at your disposal are courage, confidence, faith, discipline, commitment, and trust. Nothing will serve your life if it does not serve your moment.”
“Allow yourself to understand,” keeps resounding in my head. “Allow yourself to.”
As I go through these playful and painful memories of my life, I’ve been instructed to recapitulate them — to turn them inside out and upside down. I’m to dig into the tiniest and most intimate details. Whatever supports me I’m to hold and whatever disrupts me, I’m to recapitulate. I’m to deconstruct and reconstruct, redesign, reassess and reframe. I’m to render every moment harmless
I see a positive use of anger when it stimulates right action and a negative use when it disrupts your life.
It becomes obvious after being wrapped up for a while that the purpose behind a lot of movement is avoidance. I want to move to change my focus, to avoid certain thoughts, to avoid confronting certain issues. I want to move to move and therefore do something other than what I should be doing. It’s a tool we use to avoid mental, emotional and physical discomfort. Now that I’m forced to be still, I’m forced to deal with all this. This opens a set of tools I’ve never used before and I witness the resourcefulness of the mind.
I scream for a while but my voice is drowned out by the steady drumbeat. I try to bounce but I can’t. I cry. The tears wet my skin and it itches. I scream until I lose my voice and I’m still just wrapped and stuck. I have to deal with what’s inside of me.
I wqnt this experience. Facing what inside
“The more you take charge of your life, the more you live your destiny.”
“Do you want to be great or just okay?” she asks. “I want to be great.” “Then you’ll have to tie your psyche to the Soul,”
You must learn to master the Taquatsi — the underground — of your psyche, that’s the place that blocks you with demons of fear and doubt. The heart allows you to know the unknown, a place of no memories. Keep the brain occupied with memorizing the path and then allow your heart to lead the way forward. That’s what I learned under the ground.”
Sometimes I shake from their force and the rhythms are the same each day, very clean, extremely hypnotic and steady as a heartbeat. I wish I had a drummer like this back in the States. It takes me right out of my thoughts, right out of my concerns and delivers me to a focus unlike anything I’ve known. I work to recapitulate all the events and relieve the burdensome stories in my memory. I reframe each event carefully and look forward to these cocooning sessions.
Do this
“Change your past to support your present,” they tell me over and over.
Wow. I fel like im breaming rules w this attitude
there’s a reason for them all.
“It literally burns a new outlook, a new attitude, and a new opinion into your physical cells. It’s not enough to simply know a thing — it must become an intuitive instinct and this takes constant repetition.”
“Clear yourself every day in some way,”
To become adults we go through the passages and defeat our worst demons and then life just opens up, but we keep it open by being with it every single day.”
In the process of cocooning I’ve been re-framing the moments that have led to the present.
The goal of this next passage is to face death before dying. This is to establish enough courage to actually be living while alive.
“Family is extremely important in this world,” she says. “When you create family, you tap into a body of spirit — it’s a tribe that travels together through time.”
“The body of the spirit,” she answers. “It’s one of your subtler bodies, it’s outside time.” “How do I get there?” “You already have,” she replies. “In the hospital in Seattle, but now it’s time to learn how you can ride it at will. We call it riding the stallion and it is quite a ride.”
“Look for the stallion of your life beyond the fears of your death,” Illanamiqt adds. “When you find it, ride him through your visions and don’t get thrown off and do not jump.” “Why a horse?” I ask. “Walking takes too long, the visions are very large and the horse is a straight line runner,” he answers with a faint smile.
It takes a long time to untie the knot of fear.
the ‘falling’ on the stallion. The ‘falling’, that’s what Xochina calls it. Instead of surrendering into the infinity of the universe she says I’m holding on to some of my fears.
“When all is taken away from you and you are zero, your infinite mind will resort to its infinite power and your vastness will show you eternity.” He called this the immortal authority that is dormant in each of us until we awaken it.
Ultra running experience hopes one day
And with that thought, the ‘falling’ begins . . . For the first time, no longer bound by fears, I move beyond the senses and am finally falling freely. There’s a memory of Illanamiqt’s words, “If you maintain consciousness during the falling, you know hope and it guides you beyond the cycle of birth, fear, pain and suffering.” And with these words I’m gone while still here. I’m floating in a vastness, crushed into nothing. Anywhere my mind goes, I am. I’m the power of my thoughts without the throws of my emotions. It’s happening so fast, I’m whatever I want to be at any moment. I have freedom
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Want this freedom. Of mind to shift attention let go of thoughts and emotions
I have a choice at every moment — I always have a choice. When the attitude of my thoughts changes, the entire outlook changes simultaneously — an identical scene can become glorious or hideous. With every moment a choice is born and with every choice a moment is born.
With every moment a choice is born and with every choice a moment is born
“No fear,” whispers in my head. “Get used to the dream, for it is always right here.”
Over the weeks Xochina explains that each burial clears away a tiny bit more of the emotional slavery. “Your very base emotions protected you as an animal, but they do nothing for you as a human,” she says. “As a human you must perceive beyond the chaos the sensations create.” When buried in the ground I reach a point that, whatever I fear, I will instantly create. By the same power, whatever I truly love without doubt I instantly manifest.
“In our lives our emotions manifest their likeness. Fear creates the fearful and anger creates the angry.
“At times you fear more powerfully than you love, or you mix your desires up with doubt. With this you create struggle. This struggle becomes normal and then it brings comfort. You look for the struggle because it makes you feel like you’re accomplishing something. This is the way of the out-world today, but it was not always that way. Our world does not identify with this struggle. We are the masters not the slave. We manifest joy through our work, not challenge.”
“My father always says, the universe controls our diet, but we control the flavor of the food with our attitude and with our outlook.”
The goal in the cocoon was stillness for recapitulation. The goal in the burial was to face the terror of death and discover the treasures buried in life beyond these emotions. My next passage is the final one. It’s about emerging exalted from the depths of your Earthly life with your powerful treasures still intact. Managing the power of these treasures releases you from the slavery of the emotions. With this freedom your purpose connects to the moments of your life — to every breath, they tell me.
The quicker you realize the ‘black’ is to be deeply respected, not worshipped or feared, but respected as a teacher, the faster you’ll find your way through it.”
Respect as teachers the great challenges
“you’ve never lived in his world. This is the way they treat God there. They blame God for what they have or don’t have in their lives.”
I disengage my confidence in order for new information to gather. This is good I’ve discovered — good to lose some confidence to get it back even stronger.
“the head remembers the details and the heart remembers the will. Feathers are especially helpful for calling on guidance. They give you the wings of guidance; they are the witness of your higher guidance . . . like angels in your culture. They help you see like the eagles do.”
Like this, let’s find some feathers
“They carry the memory of flight and carry you above wherever you are to see from a great elevation and know what’s happening all around.”
“Frogs represent the courage we all seek in this lifetime,” Xochina explains. “They represent the courage to go through great change.
I’m taught movements of power to restore my energy and focus in the cavern — Illanamiqt teaches me the moves. “If you really want to achieve something — you must consider it deeply over time,” he says. “Your out-world is scattered and you teach your children to be scattered. No one has the time to focus and allow themselves to have what they truly desire. In the Taquatsi, you’ll be taught to receive what you so deeply desire.” He
“Choose to follow only that which encourages you,” his voice echoes through the cavern.
Life advice decisions
“Don’t follow the past — learn from it. Take only the steps you know in your heart and connect them to your breathing. Your lungs are there to hug your heart, to reassure it with each breath . . . know that you know.”
I feel a deep connection with Horse and Choti, with Illanamiqt, Ezkaya, Palqtlo and Xochina as I’m drawn through the darkness in pure steps of faith.
For my running adventures. Feel the connection
Every step of my life and death exists in this moment. Every step is one of total faith and absolute certainty.
“At one point I really thought I was not making it through.” “We all did that — mistakes are the most important part of success and progress,” she explains gently. “In your culture mistakes are judged poorly, but in ours they’re welcomed as a sign of progress.”
Mistakes welcome as signs of progress
