The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self--Not Just Your "Good" Self--Drives Success and Fulfillment

by Todd Kashdan

THE TAKEAWAYS Modern people are less accustomed to hardship than our forebears, who had to contend with world wars, economic depressions, influenza epidemics, and other pervasive hardships. Relative wealth and advances in technology mean that, nowadays, we enjoy unprecedented comfort. They also mean that we increasingly view discomfort as toxic, unmanageable, and intolerable. Attitudes toward comfort are more than just personal opinions, they are embedded in culture. The social and economic climate of the 1980s and 1990s helped shape our modern views of comfort and discomfort. Perhaps the group most directly affected by modern leanings toward comfort is children. Parents are increasingly involved in school, social life, and recreation in an attempt to create an environment that is safe, hygienic, and psychologically supportive. Ironically, this trend might be making the lives of our children more difficult rather than less. Asians, by virtue of their unique socialization, have a different relationship with so-called negative emotions than Westerners do. Asians are better able to tolerate unpleasant emotions. Because they do not attempt to avoid or suppress these feelings, they are also more open to positive moods, even if they do not try to artificially savor them for long periods. CHAPTER 3