while I liked sex and I’d had plenty of it with a handful of satisfying partners over the years, I’d never done that before. The specifics of it aside, I wasn’t one to initiate. I could drop a hint—or a hand high on his thigh—but I didn’t take the lead or provide a ton of direction between the sheets. It wasn’t the most mature thing to admit but I was more comfortable letting my partner tell me what he wanted than making my desire the focus. I didn’t have any big reason for it other than the fact I didn’t trust most people enough to be completely vulnerable in that way. Apparently I trusted
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