Through the Dust (Black Springs Ranch, #2)

by Amber Palmer

“I didn’t get sick because I was drunk,” she panted. “I stopped drinking after you whispered all those dirty words in my ear because I wanted to remember everything.” I furrowed my brows, and I dropped my hand to her waist. There was no way she’d sobered up. I remembered her clinging to her beer like it was a lifeline. “What? But you got sick?”

Lennox Hayes had me in the palm of her fucking hand, and she didn’t even know it.

“I’ve seen how you watched me, how badly you’ve wanted to feel me. I know the kind of power I hold.”

Of all the wasted years. His words were a lightning strike to the heart. They were further proof that he’d been fighting this as long as I had, even if my silent pining went farther back than was appropriate.

“See you soon, sweetheart,” I whispered, stopping as I realized the term of endearment had slipped free so easily. What in the hell had this woman done to me last night? Suddenly, I was a worn piece of string wrapped so firmly around her finger that I’d do almost anything she asked me to. Maybe I always had been. For all the shit we gave one another, if Lennox had asked me for something, I would’ve given it to her. It didn’t matter the time or the place, or the circumstance. I’d do anything for her.

“Mind telling me what you do give a shit about then?” She let out a frustrated growl before storming over and jabbing her finger in the middle of my chest. “You! I give a shit about you. Maybe that makes me the fucking fool in this scenario, but here we are. Here I am, making the big gesture, laying it all out on the line for your old ass.” “Woah, woah,” I said, placing my hands on her shoulder. She promptly shrugged them off, and I held them up in a promise not to touch her if that wasn’t what she wanted. “Slow down, killer⁠—” “Don’t call me that,” she hissed. “Alright, Lennox… What’s going on here? I don’t understand what’s happening.” Lennox snorted. “Of course you don’t. You’re completely oblivious to everything and everyone around you—living in your own world.”

“It meant everything!” I bellowed, unable to stop myself. I ran my fingers through my hair as she blinked in confusion. “Jesus Christ, Lennox. I know you think I’m a callous dick, but do you honestly think I’m so cruel that I’d be so devil-may-care with your body? With your heart and mine?” “Then why did you leave? Why didn’t you text me?” Lennox tried holding her voice steady, but it broke on the last question. “Why didn’t you say anything at all?”

Last night was gentle and reassuring, but this was something else entirely. It reminded me of the first night we’d kissed after the bar, how desperate and eager we were for one another. But where there’d once been confusion, I only felt clarity. And that clarity was Lennox Hayes.

“I’m scared,” he whispered, green eyes brimmed with silver. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be the partner you want—the one you deserve—because I have been on my own for so long, but goddammit, I wanna try if you’ll let me.”

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Bishop. You can’t keep being so hot and cold. You can’t keep things to yourself or make decisions on your own that concern me as well, because you will lose me if you do. You’ll lose whatever this is or could be,” I mumbled against his lips. “I know, sweetheart. I know, and I⁠—” It felt like he’d reached in and stolen the air from my lungs. “Wait…” I said, interrupting him. “Say it again.” “I know?” “No, the other thing.” Bishop paused, lip quirking up. “You like that, huh?”

Was it the daddy thing? Honestly, I’d seen the few times he’d tensed when I’d let the teasing name slip. Maybe it was just another way to get on his nerves, but if saying it got him this worked up… Well, what was a girl supposed to do?

It was terrifying to realize how comfortable I was with him—not just with my body but with my heart. And if I was going to give it to someone, why couldn’t it be him?

“So beautiful,” he murmured. “You can’t even see me properly,” I pointed out. The light from the living room barely illuminated the space, and other than a random lightning strike here and there, it was mercifully dark. “Don’t need to see you,” he said, pressing his lips against mine. “I just know.”

“I think that’s why I always had a crush on you. It was like I could be every version of myself and know it wouldn’t change how you saw me.”

“You had a crush on me?” “Mmhm,” I said, shifting in his arms. “For a long time, honestly. It’s kinda embarrassing.” “We need to have a discussion about your horrible taste in men,” he grumbled, but I didn’t miss the way it sounded like he was smiling. “I’m not worried about it,” I said, closing my eyes. “Why’s that?” he asked softly, running his fingers along my skin. I burrowed myself deeper in his embrace, pressing a kiss to the hollow of his throat before whispering, “Because you’re the only one I want,” as I let sleep pull me under.

I wasn’t sure what had gotten into me over the past few days. I’d never thought about sex as much as I did when I was with this woman. Now that I’d tasted her, I couldn’t get enough.

It was something more. I wanted to stay up too late talking and spend lazy mornings between the covers. I wanted to take her grocery shopping and make a list of all the snacks she liked. Most of all, I wanted her to know that I’d be by her side come hell or high water.

“I don’t care how you process, baby. I just care that you're mine at the end of the day.” I turned my head and kissed her palm. “You don’t have to worry about that.” "Good, because now I wanna talk about just how"—she paused, looking over the paper—"good at sex I am."

There wasn’t a single thing he did that didn’t absolutely consume me. I was always searching for some reason to get his hands on me somehow.

“You know I’d give you whatever you want,” he said, taking my hand and intertwining our fingers. I stared down at the contact, fighting the urge to pull him back into the darkness. “All you have to do is ask.”

“I’m just like you! I’m a lovesick fool that she’s got wrapped around that dainty, infuriating finger of hers, and I don’t know what to do with that. I’m terrified of fucking everything up with her, and—are you seriously laughing right now?”

Kissing Lennox Hayes for the first time had been life-altering. It made me want things I’d only dreamed about. It’d given me hope for a future—a better one where I could move away from my past and do something for myself.

My whole life has been spent taking care of others. I worked myself to the bone, earning enough to cover the bills my mom couldn’t—the ones my father should’ve been there to take care of. I never participated in any sports or activities, barely passing high school enough to graduate.

“I’m not letting you walk away at all, sweetheart,” I said, tightening my hold. “Not now. Not ever. You are fucking mine, and I’m gonna prove it.”

“I am so disgustingly in love with you that nothing could change that. You could tell me to fuck off, and I would, but nothing can change the way this stupid thing in my chest beats for you.” “What if it’s just really good sex?” she asked. “I mean, we have a lot of fun, but⁠—” I tried not to laugh, I really did, but I couldn’t help it. “Trust me, killer… it’s more than just sex. It’s the way you make me feel like I’m worth something. You see me in a way no one else fucking has, you know that? I’m all in.” “You’re all in?” She repeated the words like she was trying them on for size. “Mmhm,” I said, nodding. I let my hands run over her thighs. “Until you tell me to go away.”