How to Write Dazzling Dialogue: The Fastest Way to Improve Any Manuscript (Bell on Writing)

by James Scott Bell

Punctuation

Punctuation goes inside the close quote

And there's always punctuation

The punctuation marks for dialogue are:

Comma. Period. Question mark. Exclamation point. Em-dash. Ellipsis.

Never capitalize the pronoun when it's a dial...

But do capitalize when it's an action beat

Put a comma after an attribution when it comes at the beginning

If there are two or more sentences, and you need a speaker attribution, put it before or after the first complete phrase

Put a comma after an attribution when it comes in the middle of a sentence Sometimes, for variation, you'll want to put the speaker attribution in the middle of a complete sentence, as opposed to the beginning or the end. In that case, a comma goes after it and you don't capitalize the next word: "I wish you would go away," Mary said, "and never return."

Quotation marks are for spoken words only NOT: "What am I going to do?" she thought. Render thoughts either in italics: What am I going to do? Or without: What am I going to do? she thought. [Note: When you put thoughts in italics (though this is less fashionable these days) you don't need to tell us she thought. That's understood. If you don't use italics, some authors like to put in the thought attribution (as in the above example). Others don't bother, letting the readers figure it out from the context.

If your character is recalling something that was said, should that be put in quote marks? No. Use italics instead:

If a character is quoting another character, put the interior quote between single quote marks (apostrophes) "When John came up to me, he said, 'I don't like what you're doing.' And then I laughed at him."

No semi-colons, ever, in dialogue

Use exclamation points sparingly! The exclamation point is a loud party-goer, demanding attention. Overdone, it can be annoying.

Paragraph breaks in a monologue When one character is making a speech, and you want to break up the paragraphs, the proper punctuation is to end a paragraph without closing the quote, and then begin the next with the quote mark.

I will say that this method, while traditional and perfectly valid, seems out of style today. More often you'll see the breaks come via reaction beats:

No punctuation or attributions after an em-dash, except the close quote The proper form for an interruption is this: “I’m telling you, we can't go in there. It's just too—” “Shut up! We're going.”

And don't do this: “I’m telling you, we can't go in there. It's just too—” she said. "Shut up! We're going."

Self-interruptions On occasion, a character stops talking on his own because some form of action pops in,

So you're saying” —he rubbed his chin— “that someone wiped out our history to stop us from repeating it?”

If you want the character's voice to trail off, use the ellipsis, and don't tell us his voice has trailed off.

“So you're saying …” He looked at his shoes.

[Note that there is a space between the last word of the dialogue and the first dot of the ellipsis, but not between the last dot and the close quote.]

Attributions, Adverbs, Action Tags

Make said your default An attribution is there to let the reader know who is speaking. The simple said does that and then politely leaves. Some writers, under the erroneous impression that said is not creative enough, will strain to find ways not to use it. This is almost always a mistake.

So leave out the attribution altogether when it's obvious who is speaking. "Open the door," Jake said. "It's open," Sam said. "You don't lock your door?" "Not on Tuesdays." "That's weird." "Weird is in this year."

Should you use ‘asked’? he asked There are some teachers who say you should never use asked after a question mark. It's redundant, they say. I find that a bit too picky. I use said after a question mark, but also asked sometimes, for variety. I have no rule about it. I use what sounds right at the time. No one has complained yet.

Use alternatives only if absolute...

Kill most adverbs, but have mercy on some

Occasionally put ‘said’ in the middle Every now and then, just to mix things up, put said in the middle of dialogue. Put it in the first natural spot.

one character uses the name of the other character, for emphasis, you can break up the dialogue this way: "Rocky," Mickey said, "this is the biggest fight of your life, especially considering you're now seventy years old."

Use action beats for variety, but not exclusively Because dialogue is a form of action, we can utilize the physical to assist the verbal. This is called the action tag. The action tag offers a character's physical movements instead of said,

Warning: this is not to be done every time in place of said. Some writers have attempted to write entire novels without once giving an attribution. But the problem is this: every time there's an action, even an innocuous one, the reader forms a picture. Too much of this becomes labor, because the reader's mind is asking for the significance of the picture. The reading experience begins to feel like a series of speed bumps on a road.

Use an action tag only for variety, never exclusively. It works best when the action beats also reflect the tone of the scene and what the characters are experiencing,

3. Dialects

Heavy use of dialect is frowned upon these days. Which means, readers frown when they read it, while editors and agents scowl. Which means use it sparingly and only for a strategic purpose.

This issue is almost exclusively a matter of use in historical fiction. The author wants the reader to know that a character speaks in period dialect, yet doesn't want to make it difficult to read. The answer is to give the readers just a taste of the dialect, then pull back and only hint at it from time to time.

So here are the guidelines: 1. Decide if dialect is absolutely needed in a scene. 2. If so, go ahead and use it in the first spoken line. 3. Use it sparingly after that, only as a reminder to readers of the voice.

Backstory

But notice how McPartland breaks up the speech with paragraphs and reaction beats. It keeps the long narrative from being block after block of monologue.

Inner Dialogue

Inner monologue is the character speaking within himself. It's his thoughts made manifest on the page. It's letting the reader in on what's happening inside:

Inner dialogue is the character talking to himself, almost as if he had two voices:

Sometimes it's a good choice to take a portion of narrative and turn it into inner dialogue. Here's the narrative: He wondered if his mother was right. That he was born bad and had just gotten worse over the years. Since he was now a cold-blooded killer, perhaps that meant his character was fixed and could not be changed. Now, let's switch that to inner dialogue: Mom was right. You're no good. You were born no good and you've just gotten worse. Cold-blooded killer, that's you. So what? That's the way of this big bad world, and you kill or you get killed. So you're a big man now, you kill, how's it feel? She was right, she was right all along, she knew, knew you from the womb. Well sorry, Mom, you had me and now you can deal with it.

Experimental

Cursing

What language you use is up to you. I'm just offering a marketing tip. Major publishers are recognizing that too much "harsh language" is affecting sales.

Thematic Dialogue

State the theme In a separate document, have a key character state the theme in a page-long speech. Have the character argue for it, justify it, as if presenting it to the public.