Restitution (The Edge of Darkness, #3)

by Leigh Rivers

We aren’t together – haven’t been for a while – but Stacey is my girl. Mine.

And I never thought I’d say this, and forgive me, Aria Miller, but to be safe and sound in Tobias Mitchell’s hold is a dream I never want to wake up from. I don’t want to let go.

I elbow him when we’re out of view. “You did not need to pull my hair.” “I like pulling hair.” I roll my eyes. “Of course you do.”

If Stacey ever lets me hold her hand again, will she feel all the death I’ve caused?

My girl. Even when faced with the worst kind of horror, she fucking fought. I didn’t think it was possible to love her more than I already do, but I do.

Base chuckles. “If it makes you feel any better, I love someone who’s never once loved me back, and I’d still die for her. Your sister, by the way.” He sighs into the darkness. “And when I find her, because I will, I’m not going to let her out of my sight. She’ll love me one day. She has to. Even if she just fucking told me she liked me, it would be enough.”

Stacey Rhodes. My girl. My anchor that sank to the bottom of the ocean without me.

I nearly drop to my fucking knees, staring at her little dimple and the freckles dusting her cheeks and nose. She’s truly a work of art. A masterpiece. And I’m proud to say that I was her first love.

Having her so close makes me want to fucking live. I haven’t wanted to live for such a long, shitty time.

I’d prove myself worthy of you, Stacey. Because there hasn’t been a day that’s passed where you haven’t kept me going. My love might not be enough for you, but it’s all I have left. I love you. I love you so fucking much that I want to live.”

“The first time I saw you, I was yours. I’ll always be yours, Freckles. Our girl will be proud of the woman you’ve become. You’ll both always be my girls.”

“Because you were scared, like me. This isn’t about forgiving one another, Kade. This is about surviving.”

You made those times I was in hell feel like heaven. I wanted to die so many times, wanted it all to end, but I had you, so it was worth it. Living was worth it. I trusted you with all my firsts, just like you trusted me.”

Under the skin of the devil they created, buried in the fucking void of the darkness he’s trapped in, I will find a glimmer of his humanity. Why? Because he’s mine.

The last thing I hear are whispered words in Russian. “Moya vechnost.”

I’ll spend the rest of my life by his side, even if he can barely look at me, register that I’m sitting beside him or speak to me. I’ll hold his hand when he needs me to. I’ll just… be there. Always.

“I haven’t been free for a long time. All I know is Aria. Every morning I wake up, I wonder if she’ll visit me. I’ll reread all her letters. I’ll brush my teeth and imagine she’s doing hers right beside me. When I sleep, I can smell her shampoo, and if I really try, I can almost hear her giggle in the middle of the night. Now I don’t need to imagine it all.”

My chest aches with how beautiful she is. How, after everything I’ve put her through, she’s still here. Still fighting for me. Fighting for us. Not to be in a relationship, because we’re both too fucked for that, but to find level ground.

She was my anchor. I think she still is.

but she makes me feel calm, and being around her makes me forget all the shit in my head. And I really do fucking love her.

Being loved by Stacey Rhodes is a dream.

“You have a beautiful soul,” she says. “You’re worth more than death.”

She’s the only person I’ve ever willingly wanted. The only person to turn me on. The only person I’ve pictured spending the rest of my life with.

“It’s just me and you. It’s always been me and you. Against the world.”

I hold my breath as she presses her mouth to my scar, trailing down to my jaw then back to my lips. She carefully takes my face between her hands, her pupils dilating more with every second. “I love you. I’ve loved you since we were eighteen. And I’ll love you until we’re old and grey and we’ve lived our whole lives together.”

“I need you too,” I add. “Even if I’m a bag full of trauma?” I smile. “I have my own bag. We can swap when they get too heavy and we need a balance.”

When I kissed his scar before, I was showing Kade that it’s a part of him, and I love all parts of him. Even the darker ones. I’ll always love those parts of him. It’s not ugly or something that should be hidden. It shows his courage,

“Your body. I want to be the only person to touch, kiss and fuck you. I want to claim all your emotions. Fear. Anger. Misery. Happiness. Love.”

“I want your heart, every single fucking fragment that I’ve broken over the years. I have your past and your present, and I want to be a selfish asshole and have your future.” “You already have it,” I breathe,

“You once told me not to be afraid of you. That sometimes people need to change to survive.” He sighs and slides his palms up to my thighs again, pushing them further apart. “I did say that, yeah. What’s your point?” “You survived.”

“Every night, I dream of you.”

Kade Mitchell is the haunting definition of darkness.

My name is Kade Mitchell, son of Tobias Mitchell, and I will not be fucking silent anymore.”

I’d burn the universe just to see her smile at me the way she is now. She’s my entire fucking world.

Luciella comes up beside me. “I’m proud of you, Kade.” “Why?” She glances up at me, her eyes watering. “You survived.”

I want to memorise everything about her, from the softness of her skin to the dimples as she smiles to the sound of her laugh when we banter with each other. I want to hear her voice telling me forever that she loves me, and that it will never change.

You cannot give your all to someone if you aren’t doing the same for yourself.”

I worship every inch of her. The ground she walks on. The way she smiles and laughs and loves me.

“Because you’re going to be my wife. You’ve already taken my heart, my body, and my butchered soul, so you’ll take my fucking last name too.”

– I have no home. I glance over at Stacey, and the thought vanishes.

Still, despite his capabilities, I think he’s a goofball who gives the best hugs.

Sex was Kade’s punishment for so long, but with us, it’s his sanctuary. To feel the love and the care and the way we fit so perfectly. We once said we fit like the perfect puzzle – two frayed jigsaw pieces trying to stick together but being forced apart. Now I think we’re fixed and solid in place, finally able to complete the beautiful, messy and magical picture of our life.

“All I’ve ever wanted was you. When we first met, when we were eighteen and falling in love, and every moment after.”

“You make me feel alive, Stacey. I’ve been dead for such a long fucking time.”

I was a nervous eighteen-year-old who couldn’t stop obsessing over her. It seems nothing ever really changes because I’m still fucking obsessed. It feels like I’ve been in love with this girl since I was born. I don’t remember a time I didn’t feel this way about her.

Stacey shifts between my legs, looking up at me. “We’ve waited years for this.” My head tilts. “For what?” “The chance we deserve.” She smiles. “I’m excited.”

Happy. I’m going to be fucking happy.

The devil trapped me, but I got myself out of her hold. She’s gone, and I’m fucking free.

The fifth rule never existed. I’m even more in love with her now. My girl.

She smiles and mouths, I love you. I go all warm inside. It’s embarrassing how warm I get, and I think I’m fucking blushing. I smile back at her and press my shoe up against hers under the table like we’re teenagers.