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Do I still love him? Yes, without a doubt. Am I in love with him? I have no idea.
In all fairness, Stacey snores as well. I won’t say that to her though. She’s in denial about her singing voice – imagine I commented on her snoring too? I’d be the one suffocated with a pillow.
She’s like my own sunrise. Beautiful. Perfect. She fills a part of me that’s been empty and dark for as long as I can remember.
Any other time I’d give him hell, but the fact that he’s trying to make my sister feel better, to comfort her while on the other side of the world, is fine with me. Hell, he has every force under him to keep her safe and could crush a skull with his bare hands if he wanted to. Luciella couldn’t have landed with a scarier yet more caring guy. If only she’d rearrange her moral compass and give him a chance. She won’t.
Base 🥹
“I also have this girl at home, and she’s going to love you both. I reckon I let her name one of you.” I look at the smallest one through the mirror. “You can be The Destroyer.” He tilts his head at me, looking all cute and adorable.
Hopper 🥹
The calmest I’ve ever felt in my life is when I’m with her. The voices are quiet, my heart slows to a healthy pace and I can sleep.
We were in Edinburgh and a guy opened the door for her while I was at the ATM, and I imagined his body in a morgue and me behind bars. Dad thinks it’s normal. But he would say that, wouldn’t he?
Somehow, I fall asleep, and if I had to give up everything in the world for this, I would. I’d give it all up for Stacey.
With my eyes on her, I say, “So beautiful.” I want you forever, I say in my head.
“I named one; you can name the other. The small one is called The Destroyer.” Stacey sits up, eyes large. “You aren’t serious…” “Very. He suits it, doesn’t he?” She disagrees. “He’s scared of the TV, jumps when someone sneezes and has fallen over his two front paws too many times to count. No, he doesn’t suit it.”
She smiles, her eyes glassy. “Milo and Hopper.”
The babies 🥹🐶
“You know she’s proud of you. You’re talented as fuck and amazing, beautiful and strong.” “I like when you’re cute,” she says, the corners of her mouth curling up towards her wet eyes. “Keep going.” “You have nice tits and a cracking ass.”
Kade, please. 😂
Tobias tells me about his day, as if we’re just two people casually talking. Luciella visited today, and he says the hug she gave him made him feel like he could finally breathe.
“Barry said he can hide me – get me a new identity and a new life. I could come to America.” He’s silent, and then he says, “You’re going to annoy me by visiting every day, aren’t you?” “If I take him up on his offer, then yes.” “I’d rather spend a year back down in confinement.” I smile at his joking tone. “I think we’re becoming friends, Tobias.” He lets out a disbelieving laugh and hangs up on me.
When Stacey gets excited and jumps around, they copy. When she sleeps, so do they. When she cries during a movie or after watching a video on her phone, they cuddle into her for emotional support. When it’s time for bed, they wait for her to finish brushing her teeth and washing her face before climbing in with us. Yep. They definitely love her more. Maybe they’ll change their minds when she sings.
“After that horrendous performance, you think I’d marry you?” I smirk and glance at Milo and Hopper, who are both staring at us. “Even the dogs are traumatised. I fear for our future children.”
My mouth stretches wide, my eyes wrinkling at the corners as I smile. “The world would need to hide if we ever had children. They’d undeniably be heathens.” She tuts, shaking her head, then shifts up to kiss me. “Our little heathens.”
“You haven’t touched me in nearly a week.” She raises a shoulder, her voice low. “I thought, maybe, it was because I’m changing? The pill is messing me up so much, and I’m so, so goddamn moody. I blew up at you the other day, and it was over nothing. I keep thinking you’re losing interest in me, which is fine if you are, but I’d rather know.” I literally asked her hours ago if I could fuck her ass.
🤣🤣🤣
“I want it all with you. I want to go home and tell everyone that we’re together, that we’re going to have kids and grow old together. Do you want to know why?” “Why?” she asks, so softly. I take her face in my hands, stroking hair behind her ears. “Because I love you. I’ve been in love with you for ages – it’s been all I’ve thought about. And I keep falling more in love with you every single fucking day.”
“Are you going to be my forever, Freckles?”
She slaps my sunburn, and I contemplate throwing her off the balcony of our hotel room.
😂
“Can we stay here forever?” “When it comes to you, Freckles, I’d do anything.” And I mean it. She wants to stay here; I’ll make it happen. She wants to move to a different planet; I’ll have us on the next fucking rocket out of here.
“Kade doesn’t even know how to love properly. He’s… so like my dad it’s scary.” “He knows how to love,” I say, starting to get annoyed. “He might have some of your dad’s traits, but he’s his own person, and he loved me.”
“I’d take any type of love from him,” I snap, pulling my hand from hers and pushing my chair back. “You can’t make me stop loving him either.”
Maybe if I die, I’ll reincarnate into a dog. Stacey likes dogs. She’ll cuddle me. I like her cuddles. Or maybe I can haunt her – make sure she doesn’t meet anyone else.
I swear this inner monologue. 🤣
I can’t wait to see Stacey beat the shit out of Cassie.
Kade Mitchell is a glitch in my system. He was never supposed to be in my life.
Kade looks like his father, especially when he was younger. Apart from the tattoos and style of clothing, I might as well be fucking a younger Tobias Mitchell. I shall never repeat that thought.
🤣
I’m ready to tell everyone she’s fucking mine and I belong to her. You see that girl there? Mine. All mine.
That girl in my bed is everything to me.
I never wanted to say those words to Stacey. I wanted to tell her that I’ve already broken rule five. That she can have every fractured shard of my heart, if only she knows how to fix it back together – but I’m an asshole, and I broke her heart instead.
I keep reminding myself that I’m doing all of this to protect her. Because not only is she my weakness, but she’s also my strength – my main reason for continuing, the air to my fucking lungs. When I’m around her, I feel like the person I was before – the teenager who fell in love with a beautiful girl and had no idea how to handle the emotion. The kid who always looked at her, even before I kissed her for the first time.
“You don’t need to beg me, Freckles. There isn’t a chance in fucking hell I’ll ever leave you.”
Dad thinks it’s completely acceptable to have anxiety over everything Stacey does and laughs about how my child will have two guard dogs by her side. Milo and Hopper are good dogs.
The goodest bois. 🥹🐶
Stacey Mitchell. It has a ring to it, kinda? Wait, would she even want the same name as my dad? Maybe I’ll take her name. Kade Rhodes. No.
It seems she has no idea how much I’m obsessed with her. Not just with her looks, but her heart, her fucking soul. I love her. I love Stacey, and nothing will ever change that. She could cut off my dick and refuse to have sex with me for the rest of our lives and I’d still bend over backwards for the girl. Kind of whipped, but I don’t care.
“She might want to listen to something a little more soothing than your singing voice. Poor girl.” She giggles, shaking me. “You love my singing.” I absolutely do not.
“I have two dads, Mummy has one, so you get to have three grandfathers. One is a little loopy, but we’ll bear with him.” “Hey! That’s not very nice.”
🤣🥹
“I want to be enough for you, my little princess,” I say, choking up for some reason. “I’ll never get drunk around you, and I’ll stay off the cigarettes. I’ll even stop smoking joints when you get here. I’m going to make sure I’m the best version of myself, so I can be a good daddy for you.”
😭
“Where was I? Right. You’re going to have the best family. I have a big brother called Jason, and his girlfriend will probably try to steal you every weekend. But I won’t let her – she can be a bit scary. Oh, and I’m a twin, so I’m kind of glad you’re a one-man army, cause fuck having two of you running around.” “Kade!” I laugh and continue. “My twin’s name is Luciella, but Mummy will probably get you to call her Aunt Lu. And there’s Tylar, who is absolutely no relation to you, but you’ll probably call her aunt as well. Please don’t.”
🤣😭
Murderous fucking rage overcomes me at the thought of someone hurting my girls. No one fucks with what’s mine.
We’ll get through this. We’ll survive this grief. We’ll make our angel proud of us.
Can I love her and still be obsessed with her? Because I am.
I tell Dad all of this, and he listens to every word, even as they strangle in my throat, and I have to keep stopping. I tell him that I wish I could go back to when we were happy and impatient about our future. I tell him that I was going to be a good father – I was going to work relentlessly to be everything my daughter wanted and needed. He pulls me against him, and it’s only when my head drops that I realise my eyes are burning and my cheeks are wet. My body is shaking as the tightness intensifies in my heart, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Dad’s hand is at the back of my head as
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Daddy Tobias. 😭
“I love you, Kade. I don’t think I’ll ever not love you.”
Did she just fucking tease me? I need a new girlfriend.
🤣
Completely out of my own control, I feel myself blush. Me, blushing – the fuck?
🤣
Stacey smacks me. I’ve given this girl countless orgasms today and this is how I’m treated?
This man is so dramatic. 🤣
I shrug, as if it’s a piece of cake. I don’t even like cake.
“I’m always going to love you, Freckles.”
