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lives. He tries to be involved as much as he can and looks at my mum like she’s the only woman in the world, full of complete adoration.
From her side profile, I can openly admit she’s pretty. The thought smacks me upside the head because I’ve never thought of someone as pretty before.
“You should go back inside. It’s too cold out here, Freckles.”
I try to ignore the addictive scent of mint, cigarettes and Tom Ford’s Noir. The same aftershave he’s used for years. I try to ignore him, but his presence is everywhere, even after two years of silence between us.
Yes, Kade might be handsome, a person that ticked every box for me at one point, but he’s my best friend’s twin brother and completely off limits.
His voice echoes in my mind, a memory of the last time we spoke. Words he threw in my face; words I’d rather forget.
reach the gate, ready to push in my code, when I hear the engine start again. I peer over my shoulder, and our eyes meet like a clash of thunder. Goosebumps erupt over my skin, a thrill of electricity rushing in my veins.
The first time I ever felt this way, this overwhelming feeling, was when we met. He’d interrupted me by the pool at his manor.
Until that night, when everything changed. Kade Mitchell has been the broken shadow in my life ever since, and it’s all my fault.
There was a time when one person was able to make me ignore that side of myself. I helped him with his own darkness, and he made me feel alive, sustaining me with tender touches and words, stolen kisses and nights in his bed when no one knew. I was happy.
Chris has been like this with me since I joined the family years ago. I tried to tell my dad when he’d barged into my shower the day we moved in and forced his mouth on mine. My dad refused to listen when I told him that the boy four years older than me had watched me undress on numerous occasions when I was only fourteen.
My older stepbrother Kyle is an angel. He loves me like a brother should. But
As soon as the door swings open, my smile drops, and I’m trapped under Kade’s dark scowl. It’s full of so much hatred and betrayal. If I’m not mistaken, he’d rather see me beneath the wheel of his motorbike than standing on his doorstep.
He didn’t take his eyes off me as he pushed into her. I hadn’t felt pure rage until he smirked. Bastard.
“I could look at you all day, do you know that?” “Stop being romantic, Kade – I might get the wrong idea.” A low laugh, and… “Just another thing you taught me, Freckles. Don’t go home tonight. Stay with me.”
“I have plenty to say to you, but all I can think of is how sick you make me.”
He sucks so hard, I think I might explode. Kade sucks my breast into his mouth, his tongue circling my nipple as he fucks my hand. It’s enough to make me see stars in the room full of red.
My traitorous cock clearly doesn’t know the difference between a snake and an angel and needs to stand the fuck down.
My obsessive tendencies – a trait pointed out by my old therapist – meant I kept checking on her. I couldn’t sit at peace without the need to make sure Base, or some other drunken wanker, hadn’t snuck into the bed against her will. I was fully prepared to sleep against the door with my gun, just to make sure that didn’t happen.
No one fucks Stacey and gets away with it. I can’t have her, but nobody else will.
I think I’m going to pass out. I follow, thankful for the music playing – it drowns out the thoughts going wild in my head. Stacey goes in first, and I zip the tent up again once I’m inside. Without hesitation, Stacey sits, facing me. “We can pretend if you want. I know you’d rather be doing this with anyone else. I won’t be offended. Really.”
And then… butterflies. I have fucking butterflies while kissing someone. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I should pull over and apologise right now. I should tell her that I never meant to mark her. I’m not a psychopath that hurts the people I care about.
You don’t hate her, son. You’re just mad at her, my dad had said when I last visited.
The version I’ve missed every day since he walked out of my life – and I let him.
“You irritate me. You’re a poisonous snake that won’t fuck off from my mind. You’re everywhere yet nowhere. A fucking disease.”
“Rock your hips into my cock, Freckles,” he whispers quietly, and I nearly whimper. “I fucking dare you.”
“When I find out who hurt you, I’m going to fucking destroy them. I’ll make sure to bleed them dry then fuck you next to their corpse. You got that?”
I had five rules I stuck to for two years. Rule one: Stay away from your toxic ex-girlfriend. Rule two: Don’t unblock her number. Rule three: If you’re both in the same room, don’t fucking look at her – it’s a trap. Rule four: Under no circumstances will you have any sexual interactions with her. Rule five: Never forgive Stacey Rhodes. Yet here I am with two fingers buried inside said ex, her cunt dripping down my chin, moaning my name so loud her voice breaks.
My mouth lowers to hers, and before I can capture her lips, she tilts her head to the side. “No. Don’t kiss me.”
I spot my favourite, which I drew when we were in a hotel in London, the same night we lost our virginities to one another. I have the same tattoo – K and S, integrated in a twisted design of meaningful scripture, roses and vines that makes our initials hard to notice.
“Dad… I can’t breathe properly and my… my chest is killing me. My lips are tingling and so are my hands. The way it used to happen when I was a kid.”
“Five objects you can see. Tell me.”
“When she’s in the manor, at the studio, or walking around the mall. If I don’t see her at least once every day, I lose my mind. I’ve climbed to her window to see her sleep, and I’ve been trying to hack her phone for the last year. I hacked Luciella’s.”
“That’s extreme,” Dad replies. “But I understand.” Of course he does. “I can’t stop hating her though.” “It would help if you let her explain.” My hand nearly crushes the phone to my ear. “No. We’ve already talked about this. Neither of them deserves to be fucking heard.”
“Why haven’t you escaped then?” “My family is happy – why would I ruin that? I hurt your mother by trying to love her the way she needed. As much as she will always be everything to me, I could never give her what she wanted.”
“I wish that were true, son. Ewan is the love of your mother’s life, and she is the love of mine. There’s no changing that.”
“Do you know what? Fuck you, Kade!” I walk towards him, his sleepy, fuming eyes on me as he puffs on a joint, and stop in front of him. “You left me. I needed you, and you left without even trying to fight for me!”
Because fuck him. Losing your voice to everyone is one thing, but losing your voice to someone you loved – trusted – is ten million times worse.
“Or do you want me to stop?” His hips rise, jaw clenched as he opens his eyes and watches me slide down his boxers. “I’ll throw you out of this jet if you stop.”
“I’m going to fuck your throat, and you’re going to be a good girl and swallow every drop of my cum.”
“Beg me to keep going.” Kade grabs a handful of my hair. “Please put my cock back in your fucking mouth.”
“Fucking hell. I’ve missed your mouth.”
“Touch her again and I’ll blow your fucking head off.”
Why the fuck do I need to be so weird? Why can’t I be normal and not panic and freeze and fuck this all up?
“Be patient with me,” is all I say before I capture her lips with mine.
Me. Kade Mitchell, at the age of eighteen, holds hands with a girl for the first time. And I like it.
“What happened to you?” I hold my ground, my vision blurring. “I have no idea who you are. You aren’t the Kade I fell in love with.”
“You’re afraid of me.” I avert my eyes. “You are aware that you’re the only person in the world I’d never hurt, right?”
“Tell me three of your favourite things.” I glance at Kade. “W-What?” “Three favourite things. Go.” I focus on my breaths. “Dancing.” “Keep going,” he pushes as he veers around a corner, not looking at me.
