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“That’s the thing. Most people have never held a baby until they have one. Pretty sure it’s one of those things you just figure out.”
Sometimes I feel like my divorce acted like a factory reset, and I’m having to learn how to love and trust all over again.
nudge his knee with mine. “Hey. You know you’re more than a hockey player, right?” He looks up sharply, like my words have surprised him. “You’re a brother, a son, a friend, a human. You’ll still be all those things when you stop playing hockey.”
“I think something happens when you’re having a baby. I thought I would be so private, that I wouldn’t want anyone in the room with me. But then when you’re in labor, it becomes about so much more. Your body is doing this incredible thing, and…I don’t know. With so many people coming in, poking, prodding, I guess I stopped caring as much. It was more about function, about allowing them to take care of me.”
“So just putting this out there. I’ll happily put Juno to sleep any time you need it.” She looks at me over her shoulder and grins. “Already so smitten.” Completely, I think, as I follow her into the living room. And not just with Juno.
An ache forms deep in my chest that I can't identify at first, but then it shifts and sharpens, and I recognize it for what it is. I want this. I want lazy mornings in bed with my wife, a kid tucked between us. I want to make coffee for someone as easily as I make it for myself. I want to talk about a baby laughing or rolling over for the first time. I want to be a dad.
Maybe fatherhood is just a matter of paying attention, of noticing what your family needs, then stepping up to take care of that need. It’s being present. Invested. Willing.
“I love that you’re thinking like this. And we can absolutely sort out all the details. But can we go back to talking about the ring that you’re hiding on your person somewhere? Because I am seconds away from going on a scavenger hunt to find it.”
