Heroic Path: In Search of the Masculine Heart

by John Sowers

Men have a capacity to forget, to compartmentalize. We store pain for years in a buried, rusty toolbox. We push through and pretend it doesn’t matter. We gash a bloody hole in our left calf with a handsaw, rub some dirt on it, and keep going. We think, “It’s not that big of a deal.” Some of us do this our whole lives. Keep going. We push ahead, even when our entrails drag along the ground. It takes man-sized courage to stop, to look down at our wound and admit it mattered. Until we do that, we will never experience our full life, love, or emotion. We live slumped over, under the weight of fear and shame. We are afraid of the grief forest, and afraid, too, of the sunrise and the joyous ocean breakers. We’re afraid of disapproval from our peers, our girlfriend or wife, or our current boss-dad. It takes courage to stop and dig our fingers into the red earth. When we find the courage to be honest, to grieve, to forgive and release, we find freedom. And as a new father, I pray my children will extend me the same grace. I love them deeply, but know I have cracks and flaws.