Loving a Vampire Is Total Chaos (Total Chaos, #1)

by Aura Hayes

And frankly, men are like plants, if you don’t water them, they’ll die, and I don’t have a green thumb.

Make sure Celine always wears a seatbelt. Safety is hot.

It’s the only logical explanation. No one breaks into an apartment to fold clothes.

Now is not an appropriate time for a fangboner!

The fangboners are getting out of control.

Oh fuck. Pressure in my gums. God help me. These insufferable fangs. Incoming boner of both kinds.

“Sometimes I think I’m doomed to live an endless cycle of people pleasing. Ava pointed out to me recently that’s what I am—a people pleaser—and she’s right. My mom abandoning my dad and I, then him leaving me in his own way has done more damage on my psyche than I like to acknowledge. I know it’s not his fault, but sometimes it still feels that way.” I give a mirthless laugh. “Part of why I find it hard to say no to Ava is for that reason. The few people I have in my life and care about, I struggle to go against them because I worry they’ll leave me. Stupid, I know.”

“Beauty is pain and patience.” Ava folds her hands across her chest and settles back into the couch cushions. “Plus, you know you’re a pretty princess already, so shut up.”

I left a blood drawn heart this time instead of a smiley face. Just for Celine. Even when I’m killing, I’m only thinking of her.

Celine. My mate. This can’t be the end. She doesn’t know how big of a dick I have yet. I’m going to die and she doesn’t even know. This is the worst.

“All right, let’s talk.” I wrack my brain for which question I want to ask first. “So, do you deposit your paychecks at the blood bank?”

I am indeed crusty, but hey, at least I’m the sexiest crusty vampire she’ll ever meet.

I give into my baser, animalistic urge and let my fangs click down. If I didn’t let them, they would’ve barged in anyway. Fangboner, hello.

plus he’s a grown ass adult ... vampire ... man thing, so he’ll be fine.

“I don’t want to know how you knew we were here or how you got this job on such short notice. You couldn’t go the day without me, huh?” I laugh but it is endearing in a twisted, unhinged way.

“You rang for me and my emotional support pussy?” He strokes Midnight’s tail like an evil villain waiting expectantly in their chair.

“You kill people!” she shouts and stands up while quickly wrapping the comforter around her nude body. “I didn’t want to believe it was you when I started to suspect, but it is!” “You’ve known I kill people.” “But not crazy serial killer murder spree killing people.” She throws her hands in the air and grabs clothes out of her closet before stomping to the bathroom. “Only the bad guys,” I reason.

“Give a girl some warning next time before you drive through a fucking building.”