Loving a Vampire Is Total Chaos (Total Chaos, #1)

by Aura Hayes

I’d loved once, but then she turned out to be off her rocker more than I am, so I skedaddled right on out of that relationship. I haven’t been in a serious one since, but I’ve remained what you might call a romantic at … well, I don’t have a heart so I’m not sure where exactly. But it’s there. Somewhere.

Vampirism isn’t a cure for everything, and my shit eyesight carried over when I was changed. It’s not entirely a bad thing since I can pull off a pair of glasses like nobody’s business.

Children are one of my least favorite things with their whining, screaming, and messiness but it can usually be blamed on shitty parenting. My one exception for a crotch goblin is if Celine wants children. I’ll give her as many as she desires. I look forward to practicing the baby making. Wait. Babies. Celine. I need to write that down.

Make sure Celine always wears a seatbelt. Safety is hot.

He grabs my finger so quickly I can barely react and nips at it. I try to pull away, but he refuses to let go. “Lockwood. Zavier Lockwood. L-O-C-K-W-O-O-D. Why aren’t you writing this down? It’s going to be your last name one day, too.” His grin is downright wicked.

Zavier’s Date Ideas for Whooing His Mate: Bowling - Asher’s bitch ass ruined this one Karaoke - Show off my golden pipes Navy Pier, Ferris Wheel - Basic and done before Skip everything and go straight to fucking her senseless - My favorite

Celine. My mate. This can’t be the end. She doesn’t know how big of a dick I have yet. I’m going to die and she doesn’t even know. This is the worst.

this man was unhinged and I lived