Loving a Vampire Is Total Chaos (Total Chaos, #1)

by Aura Hayes

I don’t like blood unless I’m drinking it. Even then I’m a picky bitch.

I’d loved once, but then she turned out to be off her rocker more than I am, so I skedaddled right on out of that relationship.

You know it’s a comedy when he is a scary vampire but also says ‘skedaddled’ unironically