After Bea has gone to sleep and the house is quiet, I brew a cup of tea and cuddle up on the couch in the living room downstairs. Rain pours down outside, tapping against the window as I pull a blanket over my legs and set my laptop on it. Music plays softly on the speakers as I open it and stare at the blank search engine screen. There’s so much I want to know and yet so much I’m afraid to know. Not afraid in the sense that it could hurt me but afraid in the sense that once I go down this path, there’s no turning back.
