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In the middle of the night, in my dreams I know I’m gonna be with you —Taylor Swift, “. . . Ready For It”
“At this point, I’d welcome any adventure to break me out of the monotony of my so-called life.”
Your subconscious has created the perfect man for you, and I’m not sure anyone can live up to him.”
I used to be a hopeless romantic, now I’m just hopeless.
“I had tons of ambitions, Jules, like getting married by thirty. We’re going on four years beyond that. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that we don’t always get what we want in life, and that’s okay.
“How else would you explain my situation? I’m thirty-three going on thirty-four and if a penis comes anywhere near my vag, it might actually bark and growl. Shit, it might bite. I swear there is a tiny No Trespassing sign hanging on my mons pubis.”
“Next full moon, I’m stripping out of my clothes and saying Beetlejuice three times, hoping he’s desperate. Beetlejuice, Jules. He hangs out in a fucking graveyard and has gross as hell teeth.
“Some people will always be miserable.”
“Explain yourself,” he growls, and I understand how dangerous this is. But his scent surrounds me and he smells so damn good, like fresh mountain air. Only fuckboys smell like this.
It takes all of my strength not to smile, because I know from this single encounter she will be the end of me.
She blinks up at me and I think I could paint her face with my eyes closed.
“That’s probably my boyfriend checking on me.” “Fuck him. Right now, you’re my entertainment, Autumn.”
I’m glad she believes that’s who I am. It’s best for both of us if she stays away from me. Broken people break people, and I don’t want to do that to her or anyone.
“I want an IOU,” I state, matter-of-factly, testing her boundaries. “I already told you, I don’t give those,” she says, staying firm in her decision. “And that’s exactly why I want one. I want to be your exception.”
“Your name is Alex Alexander?” “You can call me whatever you’d like.”
“Why are you so determined to be close?” The smell of his soap and cologne pulls me under. “I enjoy watching your heart rate increase,” he admits.
Silence lingers, and when our eyes meet again, that odd sense of déjà vu creeps in. She glances away. Have we lived this life together before? I can’t shake that feeling.
No one can be sad while eating still-warm homemade pumpkin bread. It’s impossible.
“Just tell me this one thing: When you think about me and pumpkin bread, what comes to mind?” “Easy. Love.” She laughs. My eyes widen and I place my face in my hands. “Holy shit. You made him a love loaf!” She’s giddy and hops around in a circle as tourists walk past her. “Yay!”
“Actually, you should call her Pumpkin,” Julie says, nudging Autumn in the side. She turns to me. “No. No, do not call me that.” I chuckle, gripping the warm cup. Her cheeks are bright red. “Have a good day, Pumpkin.” It comes out in a deep gruff and she chews on the corner of her lip.
“I dated him for six years of my life. Often, I think I gave him my best years.”
“I’m sorry you had an awful experience.” I want to apologize for everything that stupid fuck did to her, but I don’t say that out loud.
He should’ve never let you go. Now he understands that.”
Sometimes we date people who bring out the best in us, sometimes they bring out the worst.”
“That kiss was passionate as hell. What did it feel like?” My body is still singing. “Like . . . magic.”
I laugh. “I’m literally the man of your dreams?”
“Kissing you felt like magic.”
“Meeting you has already been my greatest pleasure.”
If I don’t walk away right now, my lips will be pressed against his again.
Fuck, I hope I don’t fall in love with this man. It would complicate our lives. But then again, I thrive in chaos.
It’s hard for me to believe she’s inside my house again, hanging out and comfortable, like she belongs in my space. She does.
“I wish I could show you what the rest of the world sees. If you really knew how goddamn gorgeous you are, you wouldn’t say shit like that.”
“I’m afraid of growing attached then having to navigate a world without knowing you.”
“Your turn.” “I’m afraid of falling madly in love with you,” he says.
I create space between us before I lose control and cross that line. It’s something I won’t do, not when we’ve been drinking. That’s not fair to her, and I already have too much respect for this woman.
I want to. Fuck. We wouldn’t stop, though, but it’s hard to ignore the magic swirling between us, pulling us closer.
If we’re going to be together, it needs to be without lost inhibitions. Without excuses. Without the worry of consent. No regrets afterward.
“If I didn’t care about you, I’d fuck you right now.”
“You’re not fling material. You’re the type of woman that men want forever with.”
I’m glad I’m seated because that sexy-as-fuck expression on her face makes me weak in the knees.
“Falling in love with me wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen to you, would it?” “No. Losing you would,” he says.
“You don’t want me?” I ask. “I’m scared I won’t let you go,” he admits.
Sober me wants a relationship; drunk me begs to be fucked by this man, leaving me unable to stand for a week.
Just as I’m falling asleep, I think I hear him mutter, “My good fucking girl.”
“We’re fake dating.”
“I don’t like anyone looking at you like that.” I turn to him. “Jealous?” “Mm. No. I know who you belong to.” I meet his eyes and I swear they darken. “Already staking claim?” “Fuck yes. I absolutely am.”
“Who are you?” “The heir of Xander Resorts and Enterprises. A total asshole. I’m also a brother. A son. A kick-ass friend. Oh, and a damn good lover.”
“Were we?” I glare at him. I remember the times I made dinner and ate alone because he was too busy. There were so many canceled dates I lost count. After a while, I stopped making plans. The person I became when I was with him isn’t who I am. Or who I ever want to be again. I don’t know that version of myself anymore.
“You’re mine, Autumn,”