Fall I Want (Cozy Creek Collection #1)

by Lyra Parish

“I’ve tried it all. I have the literary version of erectile dysfunction. I don’t believe everlasting love exists, and it’s kind of a requirement. Happily ever afters and all that. How do I create when the magic is gone?”

I’m not afraid of falling in love. My biggest fear is being alone. I’ve learned that if I don’t give anyone a chance, then they can’t leave me.

Before I was born, my father built a ski resort on top of the mountain as a gift to my mom, along with allowing her to design her dream home. After my mother passed away, I inherited the manor, but I’ve refused to visit since she’s been gone. It was always too hard, until now. Having my life in shambles makes being back here not seem as hard. I finally feel ready to face this place and the memories attached to it.

A lot has happened in a short amount of time. I can’t pretend everything is perfect anymore.

“It’s impossible to run from your problems. They always follow you.”

Mom had her own style, and every square foot is her. Each room in the house is quirky in its own way. I could never change it because this property is the only place where my mother’s presence and personality haven’t been erased. It doesn’t feel like home yet, but it will.

Broken people break people, and I don’t want to do that to her or anyone.

“There’s no scoreboard with us.” At the moment, I see her at her core and know she has a kind heart. If she continues to touch me, I won’t be able to concentrate, so I slide my hand from under hers. “It’s lonely being me. I don’t expect you to understand.” “Loneliness doesn’t care who you are,” she says, her voice calm. “I laughed because I was shocked. I’m sure a man like you can befriend anyone in Cozy Hollow, but you chose me. I don’t get why. I make shitty coffee and break into people’s homes.”

I took a chance, and it didn’t work out. It happens to the best of us. Trying is what matters.

For once, I want to live and experience the life I’ve missed out on. I have to stop mourning a life I’ve never had and change the one I have. I crave things money can’t buy—happiness and true love.

“I want to put some magic into the world and make someone’s day better.”

“I feel like I know you. I can look at you and know exactly what you’re thinking. And I shouldn’t.” “No, you can’t,” I say, but I wonder if he can. He closes the menu. “You feel the invisible tug. I know you do. It’s written on your face.”

“Holmes.” I bark out his last name in the same way I used to when we were on the slopes together. Autumn tenses, realizing I know her ex. The thought of her ever being with him makes me sick to my goddamn stomach. “I don’t like the way you’re speaking to my fucking girlfriend.”

“You let me go, Bastian. You didn’t expect me to wait for you, did you? That’s ridiculous.”

“I wasn’t perfect in our relationship,” she admits. “No one is. Sometimes we date people who bring out the best in us, sometimes they bring out the worst.”

“The goal is to avoid the latter.”

It shouldn’t feel like this. It shouldn’t feel like home. It shouldn’t feel like I want to do this again and again and again. But it does. My body buzzes and the sensation nearly brings me to my knees as the kiss deepens further. I whimper against him and I’m lost in this moment. Nothing else in the world matters.

But when she grabbed on to me, deepening the kiss, something that’s stayed dormant for a lifetime ignited deep inside me. Overpowering emotions streamed between us, and I swear she cast a spell on me.

“There isn’t one.” His head falls back on his shoulders. “That’s why you agreed, because you have no limits.” “Only with you. If you’re willing to cut yourself open, then I will too. Secrets for secrets. I’ll trade with you.”

Artists are wired differently, I think. My obsession with love is why I chose romance.” My brows furrow. “You’re no longer obsessed with it?” She shrugs as we stand in front of our pumpkins. “I think I need convincing after the relationships I’ve had. I can’t write the end because I don’t believe my characters will get a happily ever after.” “Because you haven’t?” I huff, but it’s the truth. “Basically.” Silence streams between us. “I’m happy you’ll be creating again soon.”

“You love horror and write romance. You’re sunshine and darkness all rolled into one,” I say. “A good way to describe me.”

The attraction streams between us, and at this point of the night, if a line were crossed, we’d fully lose control. If we’re going to be together, it needs to be without lost inhibitions. Without excuses. Without the worry of consent. No regrets afterward.

“Falling in love with me wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen to you, would it?” “No. Losing you would,”

He had me so turned on that I had to handle it myself. No more tequila around him needs to be something I enforce in the future.

“Do you think Harper is right?” I ask as the gate slides open. “I don’t know.” He glances over at me. “I just want your friendship. Nothing else. No expectations. Just me and you getting to know one another. Being each other’s plus-one to the holiday stuff and having fun,” he explains, making it sound simple. “What if I meet the man of my dreams while we’re pretending to be together?” “The man of your dreams?”

“Bottom line is, I want you to do what makes you happy because that’s what matters most.”

“What shall we toast to tonight?” I swirl the golden liquid around the edges of the crystal. “To your exes.” My brows furrow He continues, “For not realizing what they had.” We lightly tap our rims together and sip the sweet bubbly as my body blazes from the inside out. “Do you mean that?” “Fuck yes I do,” he states. “I speak what I mean, Pumpkin. Especially with things like that. Who has time for bullshit?”

“You’re the first person I’ve ever shared a soul connection with.” “A soul connection,” I repeat. “That’s one way to describe it.” There is an invisible rope that always pulls us together. The odd sense of familiarity, like I’ve always known him. We’re strangers, I remind myself. Perfect strangers. “It’s undeniable,” he admits. It’s not one sided, even if I try to convince myself otherwise.

“Who are you?” “The heir of Xander Resorts and Enterprises. A total asshole. I’m also a brother. A son. A kick-ass friend. Oh, and a damn good lover.” He focuses on my mouth before meeting my eyes. “And a tease,” I add. This makes him laugh. “I don’t want to rush anything. Especially not with you.”

“Please, listen to me carefully when I say this: There is nothing left for us to repair. I begged you to go to couples’ therapy. I wanted to marry you, but you wanted to see other people.” “We wanted to see others.” “No, we fucking didn’t. Don’t you dare try to rewrite history. I was there. You hurt me.” “I’m sorry.” He shakes his head. “I know I messed up. But I deserve another chance to make it up to you. We were so good together.”

“Were we?” I glare at him. I remember the times I made dinner and ate alone because he was too busy. There were so many canceled dates I lost count. After a while, I stopped making plans. The person I became when I was with him isn’t who I am. Or who I ever want to be again. I don’t know that version of myself anymore.

Zane Alexander is what dreams are made of. Is that ironic?

“Thank you for offering to leave.” Her voice is soft and I can see she’s turning inward, lost in thoughts. “No way in hell we were staying. Anytime we are together and you ever feel an iota of discomfort, we go. Okay? Life is too fucking short to be in awkward or annoying situations.”

“Photographers,” I whisper, leading us to the reception area. “Gross that they’d do this under these circumstances. I’m sorry. I thought we’d have privacy here, or I would’ve nev—” She places her finger on top of my lips. “You can only control yourself, no one else, okay? You don’t owe me an apology. I said I wanted all of you, Zane. That means the good and the bad.” I tilt her chin upward, my expression softening. “Thank you.” “For what?” “For being you. For being here. For understanding. For not being upset.” She hooks her finger with mine. “You’re more than welcome.”

“You agreed to be mine through the holidays if you could have all of me.” He glances down at it. “Now you do, Pumpkin. You have me physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially.”

“Time is one of your most valuable commodities. I don’t want you to worry about anything while we’re together. Focus on the good, and on the things that make you happy. Money won’t.”

“You really don’t care about money.” “Some call it irresponsible. But every day, I make millions off of the interest alone by doing absolutely nothing. If I gave away a hundred thousand dollars a day, I’d barely notice. So I try, knowing that one act of kindness could completely change someone’s outlook on life.”

“Thank you for loving me,” she whispers. “Thank you for allowing me to.”

I hold her tighter, never wanting to let her go. Tonight, I’ll fall asleep with a smile on my face. Tomorrow, this woman will be my wife, the first day of forever.

“You’re the one, Autie. The only one. This was meant just for you—my brother, the dress, the intense burning love. You were made for one another. And I’m so thrilled for both of you.”

“Are you nervous?” Winter asks. Calmness washes over me. “No. Every day I’m with him, I’m living a dream. He has a good heart that should be protected at all costs. Earlier, he thought I was going to call this off. The expression he had . . .” I shake my head. “I never want to see that look again. It nearly destroyed me.” “Because you love him.” “Yes,” I whisper. “And I keep asking myself how it’s possible, how I can feel this strongly and deeply about someone so fast.”

The sun hangs low in the sky as wisps of clouds float in the distance. My thoughts go to Zane, and I wonder what he’s doing right now and if he’s thinking of me, too. Being apart is hard. Once we return from his father’s wedding, we’re not leaving the manor for a week. I want to be with him and only him.

It’s always been like this for us since the beginning. I can’t get enough and never will. This man is my fantasy, my dream, and I’m insatiable for him as he devours me like I’m his sustenance. Like I’m the only thing that can keep him alive.

“I finally found you,” he says, sounding like Mr. Dreamy. “I’m not ever letting you go now. That’s a fucking promise. One I’ll keep until my last breath,” he says, nuzzling against my neck. He looks at me like I’m the stars in his night sky. I smile, clasping my hands on his cheeks, moving his face closer for one more kiss. “I love you. Every inch of you inside and out,” I say, grateful and overwhelmed by the emotions swimming through me. No more crash landings, not with Zane. When he smiles, my heart flutters. “I love you, Autie. Today, tomorrow, and forever.”

Kiss each other good night every single night. Tomorrow isn’t promised. Never go to bed angry. I don’t care what happened. Laugh until your stomach hurts. It’s healthy for the soul. Say I love you as much as you can. One day, you might not be able to. Take a ridiculous number of pictures together. It’s the only way to turn back time.

Be each other’s best friend. Because together, you can conquer anything. Share secrets and communicate. And never repeat what’s said. Forgive easily. Sometimes, it’s the only way to move forward. Love one another without barriers. Because then it’s limitless.

“All this time, I thought I manifested you, but I actually think your mom manifested me.” He laughs, squeezing me a little tighter. “I love you so damn much that it almost hurts.” “I love you too.” I meet his gaze. “You’re all I want in life.” “You’ve got me, Pumpkin. For eternity.”

We danced around the world searching for one another, and I’ll continue to twirl in his arms until our story ends. This is our fairy tale.

“You’ll always be my Pumpkin Queen.” “And you’ll always be my Prince Charming.”