Until It Was Love (Copper Valley Pounders Rugby, #1)

by Pippa Grant

While I tell people I got her because I knew it would look good on my socials, the little creature owns my cold, black heart, and we both know it.

“That was remarkably straightforward,” she finally says. “I don’t like bushes enough to beat around them.”

“He’s asking my opinion on what he should do with his mustache,” Goldie says. “And he didn’t like it when I said he can’t grow another dog on his upper lip.”

“It was my nickname.” Goldie’s speaking slowly, enunciating every word. “In college. When I played soccer. When I broke my hip.” Confession: I’ve known Goldie Collins was a badass for a long time.

today might be hard, but so was yesterday, and you did it. You can do it again today. I believe in you, and I want you to believe in yourself.

I swallow and pretend I’m not a Goldie Collins fanboy.

You’re never too young to support other people.

I’m so excited to go to London. Excited for who I’ll meet and what I’ll learn and what I’ll give back. And it’s okay that I’m sad at what I’m leaving behind at the same time. I get to be both. And in the meantime, I’m seizing every opportunity I can find here too.

And fucking is the best part of dating, so why not do the fucking part and skip the dating? But I’ve been on this earth for thirty-four trips around the sun, two divorces, at least three drinks in my face for voicing my opinion, and enough lectures from my father about how to treat a woman that I don’t say it out loud. Anymore. I don’t say it out loud anymore.

“You’re a disaster, aren’t you?” “Every fucking day. Only way to live.”

Watching her might be my new favorite hobby, which is a problem.

“But then there’s the next moment, when you put one foot in front of the other, and you keep going. You don’t know where you’re going, but there’s something ahead, and if you can get to it, even if it’s not what you’re supposed to get to, you made it far enough to look. You can stop. You can rest. You can get a bite to eat. And then you can keep going until you find what’s right. Because it’s out there. Whatever it is, it’s still out there.”

I don’t let women stay the night at my house. But I’m glad Goldie isn’t leaving.

My favorite thing about life is that you can do anything you want to do, no matter who doubts you or tries to tear you down.”

It’s so fine, I can’t stop saying fine. And I think that pretty much says it all.

She peers at me, her face an open question. Tell me all of the bad things. You can trust me. You’re safe here.

I hope she rereads the whole series when she unpacks her boxes and finds the note I left her inside of the first book.

She makes it okay for me to be me in a way that rugby, that my father, that fans and ex-wives and coaches never have. She sees me, she accepts me, and she likes me.

Her belly moves in time with her chest, and she looks completely and undeniably happy. Not only relaxed. Not satisfied. Happy. I want to make her happy every damn day.

“But you can’t make a man talk about his feelings. You can only hope he opens up before you’re tired of how annoying he is.”

“Life’s a complicated bowl of crap sometimes.”

It’s easy being with Fletcher because this has an end date. My heart doesn’t have to get involved. It’s torture being with Fletcher because my heart didn’t get that memo and has very much gotten involved.

I’m leaving in four days. I’m in love with the last man on earth I ever could’ve imagined giving the time of day a month ago. And I don’t know if he can consciously love me back.

I want this every night. I want her every night.

But she’s my Goldie. She’s been a bright spot in my world when I thought leaving England would mean the rest of my life spent in darkness. I’ve lived in fear and uncertainty since I tore my rotator cuff. But Goldie makes me feel free. She brings me joy. She brings me peace. She makes it okay for me to be me. The good and bad parts. The easy and the hard parts.

I don’t need to be someone’s world to live a happy life. But the utter joy that’s blossoming in my soul at Fletcher being here is undeniable. I don’t need this. But I will absolutely bask in it.

If it’s Goldie, it’s my favorite.

And for the first time in my entire memory, I am finally whole.