After (After, #1)

by Anna Todd

I sit up and he pulls his lip ring between his teeth. I love when he does that.

I have no warning before he crashes his lips down on mine, the force of his mouth almost painful. His action is so full of desperation and hunger that I am lost. Lost in Hardin. Lost in the salty taste of my tears on both our lips, lost in his fingers threaded through my hair. His hands move from my head to my waist and he lifts me onto the railing. My legs part for him and he moves between them, never losing contact with my mouth. We are all heat and gasps, tangled in each other. My teeth graze over his bottom lip, causing him to groan and pull me even closer.

He takes a few breaths, his eyes shifting from my lips back to my eyes.

I purposely push my behind against him and hear him suck in a breath. His hands move down to my hips and he squeezes gently. I feel him hardening against me, sending electricity through me for what feels like the hundredth time today. “Hardin?” Karen’s voice calls from the hall as a delicate tapping hits the door, and I become extremely thankful we’re both dressed. Hardin rolls his eyes and brings his lips to my ear. “Later,” he promises and walks to the door. He switches on the light before opening it, revealing Karen.

I recover quickly as his hand begins to rub my neck.

“I love the way your body responds to me,” he breathes. I know what is coming next, and I can’t wait.

My back arches off the bed, and within minutes I’m in a completely euphoric state, calling Hardin’s name as I come undone.

But I notice you more than you think,” he tells me and my heart swells. I’m falling for him, hard and fast.

His long arms pull back the curtain and I can’t help but stare at his naked body. The more I get to see him this way, the more beautiful the designs printed on his skin are to me.

“However, you really should wear a bra when you’re roaming the halls of a fraternity house, Theresa.” He brings his mouth to my ear at the exact moment that his fingers find my breasts. He rubs over the sensitive area with his thumbs, making them harden under his touch.

“Yeah, having my head between your thighs this early in the morning seems like an omen for a good day.” He laughs and takes my hand in his.

“I… Tessa, I…” “You what? You what, Hardin?” I scream even louder. “I… I love you!” he yells.

“It’s true, I do. I know you won’t believe me, but I do. I love you.” His eyes brim with tears. His lips press in a hard line and he covers his face with his hands. He takes a step back, then another forward, and when he takes his hands away, his green eyes appear sincere, full of panic.

And I love him. I love Hardin.

I try to stop it, but he has me in such a rage, I yell the thing I know will get to him, break his control: “No, I keep coming around because I love you!” I cover my mouth immediately, wishing I could push the words back in. He couldn’t possibly hurt me worse than he has, and I don’t want to be left wondering years from now what he would have said if I told him. I am okay with him not loving me.

“Please don’t,” I beg. I don’t care how pathetic I sound. “I love you, Tessa,” he says and my heart leaps out of my chest. The words sound perfect coming off his lips and I would do anything to be able to hear them again. “I love you, Hardin.” This is the first time we have both openly said the words, and I fight down my urge to panic over the possibility that he could take them back again. Even if he does, I will always have the memory of how they sounded, how they made me feel. “Say it again,” he whispers and turns me around to face him. In his eyes I see more vulnerability than I had thought possible for him.

Instead of answering me, he wraps his fingers around my ponytail and brings his lips to mine. We stagger back against the door and he presses his body against me. “I missed you.”

But the small gap between our lips is too tempting. I lean forward and press mine against his, and he immediately opens his mouth, deepening the kiss. My fingers twist into his hair and he groans as I put more force into it. His anger rolls off him like a tidal wave. I push him back a little and he turns me around so the bottom of my back hits the desk. His hands attach to my hips and he lifts me onto the desk. I am his distraction. The thought of me being what Hardin needs makes me feel needed in a way I wasn’t aware of. I feel more solid now, more necessary in his life, and my head tilts back as he continues to push his tongue against mine, standing between my legs.

“No, I’m nice because I love you,” he whispers and I swoon. “Sleep, beautiful.” He gives me a small peck on my forehead, and I am too tired to try for more.

I pull my shirt off to slip his over my head when he stops me. “Fuck,” he blurts out and I look up. “What are you wearing?” His eyes are dark and wide.

Now that he has left the room I have a little time to collect myself. I wonder if I look as good as I feel, which is warm and oddly at peace. The memory of Hardin hovering over me while he entered me makes my stomach clench. Now I know why people make such a big deal about sex. I really have been missing out, but I know that if my first time wouldn’t have been with Hardin, it wouldn’t have been so amazing. When I look in the mirror, my mouth falls open at my reflection. My cheeks are glowing, my lips are swollen. I squish my cheeks and move my hands around; somehow I look different. It’s the slightest of changes, and I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I like it. I take a second to admire the small red marks dotted across my breasts. I don’t even remember him making them. My mind takes me back to him making love to me, his mouth hot and wet against my flesh.

“Are you coming or what?” I say and grab my toiletry bag. “I would love to come, but I guess a shower will have to do for now.” He winks and I swat his arm as we walk into the hall.

“You look adorable. Sexy office woman by day and cute college girl by night,” he teases. My stomach flutters at his words and I lean up on my toes to kiss his cheek.

I assure him, but I can’t think of a single thing he could do to make me leave him. I’m in too deep. Thinking of leaving him sends a pain through my body that I can’t bear. It would break me. Even if we fight every single day, I love him.

I love him, every part of him. All versions of him. Mostly, I like who I have become with him; we have both been changed for the better by each other. I have somehow gotten him to open up and have brought happiness to him, and he has taught me how to live and not worry about every detail.

“But all that being said… I also happen to be vigorously in love with you,” he says and sucks harshly on sensitive skin below my ear. I push my hands through his hair, making him groan, and he puts both of his hands on my waist, pulling me to him. I know there are more things to be said, more problems to be solved, but right now all I want is to get lost in Hardin and forget about tonight.

He practically falls back, lying on the bed, and takes me with him. I barely notice him discarding the condom as I come back to reality. “I’m glad you followed me down the stairs,” I finally say after a long but pleasant silence. With my head lying on his bare chest, I can hear his rapid heartbeat slowing.

“Well, if you weren’t so tight, I would have lasted longer,” he says into my ear. “Good night!” I groan in embarrassment. He laughs and kisses the back of my neck before turning the light off.

but I know that I love him more than anything and he loves me. As long as that much is certain, the rest will fall into place.

Watching him pushes me to the limit; my toes curl and my leg tightens around his back as I moan his name repeatedly. “That’s it, baby… come for me. Show me how good… fuck… how good I make you f-feel,” he stutters, and I feel him twitch inside me. Though he finishes a few seconds before me, his perfect movements continue until I am turned into a pool of boneless mush and am spent. My body is completely relaxed and he collapses on top of me. We lie there in silence just enjoying the feeling of being so close to each other, and within minutes soft snores fall from Hardin’s lips.

He is so incredibly hot—and all mine.

Without thinking, I pull Hardin closer and immediately put my hand over his crotch, palming him through his jeans. He groans and unbuttons his jeans, yanking them down along with his boxers.

The tension grows in my stomach and his movements grow sloppier—and I know we are both close. With his final thrust he kisses my shoulder before pulling out of me and helping me off the desk. “That was—” I try to say and he silences me by kissing my lips. “Yeah… it was.” He finishes my thoughts before pulling his pants back up. I run my fingers through my hair and wipe under my eyes to make sure my makeup is in place before looking at the clock. It’s almost three. The day has escaped me once again.

I groan, pushing my head into the pillow. “It’s true; I read it somewhere.” “Playboy?” I tease, struggling to form a thought, let alone words. He seems to find that amusing and he smirks while lowering his head. The moment his tongue finds my sex, I grip at the sheets and he works quickly, combining his fingers with his perfect mouth. I push my hands into his hair, silently thanking whoever it was who discovered this knowledge as Hardin brings me to orgasm, twice.

He always makes me feel so beautiful and wanted.

“You never need to thank me, Hardin. You do as much for me as I do for you.” I look into his bright green eyes. “Actually, more.” “No way.” He shakes his head gently and takes my hand. “Let’s go back down before someone comes looking for us.” “How do I look?” I ask, running my fingers through my hair and wiping under my eyes. “Freshly fucked,” he teases and I roll my eyes. “You look beautiful.” “So do you,” I tell him.

“You’re insane,” I snort. “Only when it comes to you,” he says and pulls onto the street.

(ebook)

7/4/24 all i want is you ~ e.l. todd