The Fall Risk

by Abby Jimenez

I had no choice but to mull over the very strange turn that my life had taken over the last year.

Think about your ex and be sad.

I went inside to see what else I had with caffeine in it so I could stave off the hea...

“I wanted a mimosa,” I moaned. No. What I wanted was to feel normal again. I wanted to wander a Target, walk alone on the beach. Go on dates. The isolation was the worst part. Well, the second worst part. The first was the afraid for my life at all times thing.

I never felt safe. I never slept well. This one sick, twisted human had changed every aspect of my life.

“I think I’m going to run for a bit,” I said, looking forlornly at my treadmill. Maybe some weights after. Working out was one of the many things I did now to prepare myself for the potential fight for my life I might have to make one day.

He should have been locked up. But they never do anything until it’s too late.

“Get UP. Go make a fucking friend. Knowing your neighbors makes you safer.”

And fix your damn hair. You look feral.”

I could put five rounds, rapid fire, into center mass from ten yards away while chewing gum and listening to an audiobook.

Zero criminal history did not mean he was safe. George didn’t have a criminal history either—until he did.

He picked up on what I was feeling. I don’t know how, but he did, and he was giving me an out. I was beyond grateful.

“Female trees produce fruit. Fruit falls, it makes messes, it attracts vermin. So most trees planted in urban areas are male. They put out pollen with no female trees to absorb it, so it ends up in the air instead.”

“Eucalyptus trees are highly flammable. It’s the oil.”

California has the world’s tallest tree, the coast redwood. They can live for thousands of years, and they repel insects.” “Really . . .” “Yeah. And they have fire-resistant bark.”

“So you have a fish?” I asked. “Yeah. A betta fish.” “Oh. Does he have a name?” “He does. Swim Shady.” I barked out a laugh. “Is he the real Swim Shady or . . .” “All the other Swim Shadys are just imitating,” he said, totally serious. He was funny.

“If you swing a baseball bat at someone, they sometimes try to take it from you. So if you have a sock on there, the sock slides off when they grab the bat, it puts them off balance, and you get a second swing to break their skull.”

“I’ve really been hoping that this move would be the last one. It’s my fifth one in two years. I don’t even want to hang frames on the walls. I can’t rationalize the effort.”

“Shows to watch together that you’re not allowed to watch without each other,”

“To be honest, I’m way too introverted,”

“Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.”

Have you ever heard of the orange peel theory?”

“You give a guy an orange and ask him to peel it for you,” she said. “It tells you what kind of person he is.” “How?” “Because it’s such a small ask. If he complains about it or forgets, he’s probably gonna complain and forget to do other shit that’s more important.”

He’s goofy in a way that gives me a hard-on.

You don’t let a man take you to IKEA unless you’re serious because it makes you imagine a life together.”

I wouldn’t wish my situation on anyone.”

the terror made me weak.

condemned to a life of celibacy and loneliness.”

“Red flag guys aren’t your type. They’re your pattern.”

I think you pick toxic men because it’s what you think you deserve. And then you chase them off, or they prove they’re exactly what you think they are, and they leave you, and you think you deserve that too. You don’t. You are very worth loving. And sticking around for.”

“I think you are a bit of a fall risk for me.”

The point was that I couldn’t enjoy my life.

I was so tired. Sick to death of living this way.

“Sometimes the start of something good begins during something bad,”

I wanted to put down roots. To stop running, to stand my ground.

I was done being chased out of my own life.

They say it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

I was the one who was dangerous.

Have you ever heard of the western sycamore tree?” He grimaced in pain. “Huh?” “They’re a protected species in California, so once one’s in the ground, it’s staying put. They can live up to six hundred years, so if you were to bury something under one of them, chances are that thing would never be discovered. At least not for a few centuries.”

“you won’t find her, you’ll find me. And then no one will ever find you.”

I kept my promises. I meant every single thing I said to that piece of shit.

I felt like one of those dead plants on my balcony that had been brought back to life.