Slash or Smash (Festive ASF)

by Dee Garcia

Call me Myrtle and strap a Life Alert around my neck because the thought of leaving the house after ten pm makes me wanna “slip” down a flight of stairs.

I’d much rather rot on the couch with a cozy sweater and my third pumpkin spice latte of the day, while reading a smutty book or rewatching Halloween movies.

There’s truly nothing sexier than a confident fat girl who simply doesn’t give a fuck…and I don’t have a single one to spare.

My brother and I simply have a penchant for sharing women. Probably a good thing we’re not blood related because we often enjoy indulging in one another, too…

And yet…I’ve never felt more alive, out here living my best masked man fantasy as if they couldn’t turn on me and actually kill me any second now.

“Jesus-fucking-Christ, I was worried. I thought they took you out back and killed you or something.” Yeah, killed this pussy.