Slash or Smash (Festive ASF)

by Dee Garcia

Call me Myrtle and strap a Life Alert around my neck because the thought of leaving the house after ten pm makes me wanna “slip” down a flight of stairs.

I’d much rather rot on the couch with a cozy sweater and my third pumpkin spice latte of the day, while reading a smutty book or rewatching Halloween movies.

There’s truly nothing sexier than a confident fat girl who simply doesn’t give a fuck…and I don’t have a single one to spare.

“Jesus-fucking-Christ, I was worried. I thought they took you out back and killed you or something.” Yeah, killed this pussy.

“Oh, I so fucked them, and it was better than a pail full of candy. Happy Halloween to meee.”