That Time I Got Drunk And Saved a Human (Mead Mishaps, #3)

by Kimberly Lemming

“I’m sorry, Dante. The truth is, I drugged your drink.” He scoffed. “Yes, I’ve gathered that from the talking banana.” This time there was no fighting the laugh that escaped my throat. “Please tell me what the banana is saying to you.” “It’s saying I should have escaped you when I had the chance.” Dante closed his eyes and relaxed as if to accept his fate. “Now I’m doomed.”

“Cherry, you are reading way too much into this. A man got high and bit you. It doesn’t mean it’s going to end in cannibalism.”

man that wealthy probably ate nothing but caviar and the tears of the poor.

Baffled, I leaned in closer. “So how did you get her to fall in love with you?” “I licked her cunt.”

“Stupid dragon slut venom,” I growled.

Sweet screaming meemies, that was way hotter than it should have been.

Sweet peaches, someone put my soul back in my body.

I gritted my teeth and gave him another little kick. Why? Fuck if I knew.

Snapping gators. Read the room, dragon slut magic!

Fact number two: dragons are fucking dramatic.

“I’ll be the bane of every creature on this continent to get a smile from you,” he said, smiling warmly.

I turned to see the two cleaning men from before standing in the doorway staring in awe. As they should. I am amazing.

“STOP SCREAMING ABOUT FINDING A VIRGIN,” Usha hollered. “THE VILLAGERS ARE ALREADY WARY OF YOU LOT AND THIS IS EXACTLY HOW RUMORS START.”

“Oh you picky ass-end of an anaconda, just FUCKING LIGHT!”

Sweet dancing coyotes in the moonlight, just fuck me up, you beautiful bastard—

My back arched, head falling back in a scream of a second orgasm that may have to be arrested for murder, because I died and came back.

I meant to say I love you too, but the back-to-back orgasms had strained my throat so much it came out more like “I lerph me ner.”