Columbine

by Dave Cullen

Rejection was Eric's weak spot, especially by females. He wouldn't quite pull a Klebold, but the veil came down, and his anger spilled out. It was just infuriating.

but joy wasn't really the objective. Prom was more about acting out some weird facsimile of adulthood: dress up like a tacky wedding party, hold hands and behave like a couple even if you've never dated, and observe the etiquette of Gilded Age debutantes thrust into modern celebrity: limos, red carpets, and a constant stream of paparazzi, played by parents, teachers, and hired photo hacks.

Isnt this what prom is though?

They talked to a lawyer that night. He related a sobering thought. "Dylan isn't here anymore for people to hate," he said. "So people are going to hate you."

We always want to point blame at someone. Anyone.

Eric had documented everything. He'd wanted us to know.

"Nature shared the secret serenity with someone who was actually observant enough to notice. Sucks for everyone else."

It had not really been intended as a shooting at all. Primarily, it had been a bombing that failed.

A bombing that failed....

He couldn't be more adorable, until you tripped his fragile ego. It didn't take much.

Suicide was consuming him--no way Dylan was confessing that. He tried explaining some of the other ideas, but people were too thick to understand.

Hes sad and lonely. Nobody is listening. He needs someone. Anyone.

The first mention comes in the first entry: "Thinking of suicide gives me hope that i'll be in my place wherever i go after this life--that ill finally not be at war w. myself, the world, the universe--my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE--me--my soul (existence)."

How awful that this is how he felt

His audience was the target.

"I finally accepted that I was confined to a wheelchair. Once I did that, I was free to move on with my life. It was very liberating."