Project Hail Mary

by Andy Weir

Only now does it occur to me: I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I do. I don’t remember anything at all.

Let’s say I’m on Earth and in a centrifuge.

Difference?

I couldn’t wait to talk about this with the kids tomorrow—

His kids?

Besides, if I had a nickel for every time I wanted to smack a kid’s parents for not teaching them even the most basic things…well…I’d have enough nickels to put in a sock and smack those parents with it.

I’m on a suicide mission. John, Paul, George, and Ringo get to go home, but my long and winding road ends here.

Human beings have a remarkable ability to accept the abnormal and make it normal.

Oh thank God. I can’t imagine explaining “sleep” to someone who had never heard of it. Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.

I put my hand to my chest in mock surprise. “Goodness me! DuBois appears to be black! I’m surprised you allowed it! Aren’t you afraid he’ll ruin the mission with talk of rap music and basketball?” “Oh, shut up,” she said.

“I’m sorry I asked,” I said.

This section was way too funny

“Sure. I’m naming them after the Beatles. The British rock group.” “I take it you’re a fan?” He turned back to face me. “Fan? Oh, yes. I don’t want to exaggerate, but Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is the greatest musical accomplishment in the history of mankind. I know, I know. Many would disagree. But they’re wrong.”

Their DGSE has perfected a drug that causes retrograde amnesia that lasts for long periods of time. Not just hours or days, but weeks. They used it during various anti-terror operations. It can be handy for a suspect to forget he was ever interrogated.”

WOW.

Rocky cocks his carapace. “Hey, your face is leaking! I haven’t seen that in a long-ass time! Remind me—does that mean you’re happy or sad? ’Cause it can mean either one, right?”

Sassy Rocky

“All right, all right,” I play. “Everyone settle down and get in your seats.” They scamper to their assigned desks and sit quietly, ready for the lesson to begin. “Who here can tell me the speed of light?” Twelve kids raise their claws.

Perfect ending.