Project Hail Mary

by Andy Weir

Can I do this? Will I be rendered completely worthless from this point on? Will humanity die because I can’t handle zero g?

I clench my teeth. I clench my fists. I clench my butt. I clench every part of me that I know how to clench. It gives me a feeling of control. I’m doing something by aggressively doing nothing.

I have to assume friendly intent at this point. I mean, they’re going out of their way to say hi and be accommodating. Besides, if there is hostile intent, what would I do about it? Die. That’s what I’d do. I’m a scientist, not Buck Rogers.

I have that long to get in an EVA suit, go outside, and position myself on the hull for humanity’s first touchdown-pass reception with an alien quarterback.

I don’t have time for this. I have an alien thingy to catch.

Maybe once I explain what’s happening to Earth, they’ll have a solution. Or maybe they’ll board my ship and lay eggs in my brain. You can never be sure.

I’m using “lucky” loosely here. I’m on a suicide mission. So…yeah.

Human beings have a remarkable ability to accept the abnormal and make it normal.

told Rocky I’d be back in two hours and I wouldn’t want him to think humans are untrustworthy. I mean…we’re pretty untrustworthy, but I don’t want him to know that.

Broadly speaking, the human brain is a collection of software hacks compiled into a single, somehow-functional unit. Each “feature” was added as a random mutation that solved some specific problem to increase our odds of survival.

In short, the human brain is a mess. Everything about evolution is messy.

I can’t imagine explaining “sleep” to someone who had never heard of it. Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.

“I know. Did you hear that global warming has been almost undone?” She nodded. “Humanity’s recklessness with our environment accidentally bought us an extra month of time by pre-heating the planet.”

“We fell in poop and came out smelling like roses,”

Just as well. It would take a long time to explain cartoons to an alien.