Alchemised

by SenLinYu

“You would have been somebody. You’re nothing now. You spent yourself on the wrong side. No one will ever remember you. You’re ash, like all the rest. And a traitor to your kind.”

It was the iron guild heir. Kaine Ferron.

She’d beaten Ferron before. If she was careful, and clever, she would do it again.

“You know,” Ferron said, jolting her from her thoughts, “when I heard it was you I’d be getting, I was looking forward to breaking you.” He shook his head. “But I don’t think it’s possible to exceed what you’ve done to yourself.”

“I promised I’d do anything for you.” She curled her fingers into a fist. “Maybe you didn’t realise how far I was willing to go.”

“The Undying. You’re his source of power, and the Resistance—we figured that out, didn’t we? How to kill him. How to kill all of you.”

Kaine Ferron Publicly Kills Initiate

As quickly as it had come alive, the house sank back into stillness.

He tilted her face up towards his, and his expression grew horrified. He touched her cheek and held her face as he drew several deep breaths.

The violent sound of retching emerged from the bathroom.

“Kaine Ferron has offered to spy for the Resistance,” said Crowther.

“He wants you, Marino,” Crowther said. “Both now and after the war.”

“When he made his offer and set his terms, as proof of his—sincerity, he told us how to kill the liches and Undying without fire.”

“I swear it, on the spirits of the five gods and my own soul, Kaine Ferron, I’m yours as long as I live.”

“There’s a mirrored entanglement in them. If I do anything to mine, you’ll feel it. I’ll transmute it to warm briefly if I need to meet. Twice if it’s urgent. I’d advise coming very quickly if it ever burns twice.”

“You think you’re better than us because you’re immortal, but you’re dead inside already.”

“If I’d known healing would make you so familiar, I would have said no.” He almost sounded like himself.

Don’t make me responsible for Kaine Ferron’s death.

“Don’t die, Marino. I might miss you.”

But she was so lonely.

You are all alone, and when the war is over, you will still be alone.

“Like you, then,” he said, twisting the curl so it wrapped around his fingertip, “trapped in place, but still the same somewhere underneath.”

Inside lay a set of beautiful daggers, sheathed in mesh holsters. Helena felt her resonance respond before she even touched them.

“Because I’m not your friend anymore. Your friend Helena Marino died in a field hospital six years ago. She doesn’t exist anymore. I need you to let her go.”

Her stomach clenched. Don’t trust me. Don’t trust the Eternal Flame. We’re all liars.

He was hers. The realisation broke her heart.

“I can’t—I can’t do this again—” he finally gasped out. “I can’t care for someone again. I can’t take it.”

don’t want to always be alone,” she said. It was easier to be honest in the dark. “I want to love someone without feeling like if they know, it’ll end up hurting them. People who love me always die. No matter what I do, it’s never enough to save them. I have to love everyone from a distance, and I’m so lonely.”

“I’m alone, too,” he said.

She reached out, her fingers brushing back his hair. “Don’t worry. I’m always going to come back to you.”

“Call me, and I will come.”

“I’m going to take care of you. I swear, I’m always going to take care of you.”

I love you. I will always love you. I will always take care of you.

“I promised I’d do anything for you.” She curled her fingers into a fist. “Maybe you didn’t realise how far I was willing to go.”

Someday, she promised herself, someday I am going to love him in a moment that isn’t stolen.

“I’ve never gotten to tell anyone about you. I’d want someone to know what you were like.”

I left a note. Didn’t you get my note? I love you.”

“Helena, I’m tired.”

To the world, to history, Lucien Holdfast had died on the steps of the Alchemy Tower. Lila would have to believe that, too.

“Love isn’t as pretty or pure as people like to think. There’s a darkness in it sometimes. Kaine and I go hand in hand. I made him who he is. I knew what that array meant when I saved him. If he’s a monster, then I’m his creator.”

She was a non-active member of the Order of the Eternal Flame and did not fight.