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“She’ll never
be yours.”
Surely I deserve something in return, to warm my cold heart.”
this ring was hand-forged rather than transmutationally crafted; she could see the hammer marks that had beaten a scaled, almost geometric pattern onto it. A bizarre thing for an iron alchemist to have.
“More than once,” he said. “My training was rigorous.”
“Are you wanting a confession? Shall I tell you everything I’ve done?”
“Do you want to?”
“I must admit,” he said in a low voice as though making a confession, “if anyone had told me you’d become so lovely, I would never have come near you. I was rather blindsided when I saw you again.”
She fluttered her fingers but, catching herself gesturing, folded them in her lap.
“Recovering,” Pace said in a tart voice. “Quite a miracle that she survived. All thanks to the recovery team’s quick thinking and daring rescue.” She cleared her throat. “They’ll all be medalled for bravery, and there were several Ember Services called, to devote prayers of thanks to Sol for his—grace in saving her.”
“Don’t die, Kaine,”
“All right, then, but only because you asked.”
Women were always defined by the lowliest thing they could be called.
“All right…” he said, “but only because you asked.”
“You are not expendable. You don’t get to push everyone away so that they’ll feel comfortable using you and letting you die.”
“Well, thanks to you, I’m worth less now. They added all these new healers after you asked for me. I had to train all my replacements.” She gave a bitter laugh. “You made me as expendable as I am now. And you didn’t even want me, either.”
“You are not replaceable,” he said, his hands trembling against her shoulders. “You are not required to make your death convenient. You are allowed to be important to people. The reason I’m here—the reason I’m doing any of this—is to keep you alive. To keep you safe. That was the deal.” He searched her face. “They didn’t tell you.”
“Don’t worry,” he said quietly. “This won’t complicate anything for you. You wanted someone to be with, and I was available. I know it didn’t mean anything.”
She never had and never would heal anyone the way she healed Kaine: in his arms, pressed against his body.
“You’re mine. I’ll always come for you.”
“I’m going to take care of you. I swear, I’m always going to take care of you.”
“I’m going to take care of you. I promise, I’m always going to take care of you.”
Someone would come. She could wait until a lorry came back.
“Because I have warned you, if something happens to you, I will personally raze the entire Order of the Eternal Flame. That isn’t a threat, it’s a promise. Consider your survival as much a necessity to the Resistance as Holdfast’s. If you die, I will kill every single one of them. Given that the risk to their lives is the only way to make you value your own.”
His eyes flashed. “Yes, I did all of this for convenience, which you know I have so abundantly in my life with my two mutually exclusive masters.”
I’m tired.”
Of having so little time and never getting to spend it in the ways she wanted.
I love you. I will always love you. I will always take care of you.
“Everyone who wins says they were good, but they’re the ones who tell the story. They get to choose how we all remember it. What if it’s never that simple?
“You’re always in danger, and I can never ask you to stop.”
“Don’t die, Kaine. You can’t leave me behind.”
“Mine. You’re mine,” he said as he kissed her. “Always.”
Someday, she promised herself, someday I am going to love him in a moment that isn’t stolen.