Alchemised

by SenLinYu

“Kaine…” She reached towards him. “You’re not a monster. You didn’t have any choice. Neither of us—we were both raped.”

“You’re mine,”

“Did you really think I would still hate you once I remembered?” She shook her head. “Even before I did, you were the only thing that ever felt safe. I thought I was going mad, but a part of me always knew you. I left a note. Didn’t you get my note? I love you.”

“I do,” she said more firmly, her voice shaking with intensity. “I love you. And I always will. Always.”

“I love you,” she said the words against his mouth, as if breathing them into him.

“I’m sorry—I’m sorry—I’m so sorry for everything I did to you,” he said, his voice hoarse and broken. “I love you. You left, and I’d never told you.”

“I don’t want to choose. I always have to choose, and I never get to choose you. I’m so tired of not getting to choose you.”

“You’re not choosing. You promised me anything I wanted. I want you to stop breaking yourself trying to save me. Go. Live. Tell our daughter I saved you both. That—is what I want.”

HE finally said our daughter

“You have to let me go now.”

“I can’t.” She shook her head. “You think I’ll be calm if I stop? If I have nothing to do but to sit in this room and wait to lose you? You wouldn’t. You never would.”

“Helena, I’m tired.”

“But…I want to save you back.”

“I know.” He said it gently. “And if anyone could, it would be you. But I would like to say goodbye to you before you’re gone, and you are losing yourself in this.”

Come. There’s a reunion that’s rather overdue.”

“Amaris…”

“She had a hard time when you first arrived.”

“I was afraid she’d give us away if I let her near you. She has quite the reputation nowadays,” he said. “You were the only other person she’s ever taken to.”

Stop i love this

“I’m not sure that she remembers me.”

“She very much remembers you. Howled for half the day when you arrived.”

He rested his head against Amaris, and her wings fluttered. She turned her neck to nip at him. “We’ll go out together, won’t we, old girl? Bennet’s last two monsters.”

Stop no

“We received word that while the Eastern envoy was passing through Novis, the train was attacked. Everyone on board was killed—including Shiseo.”

Noooo wtf

“But what if I reverse it—”

“You need a willing soul for that, and you’re not going to find one, because the only person who’d die for me is you.”

“You promised we’d run away together,” she said. “Remember?”

“Why is it that I have to keep all my promises, but you never seem to keep a single one of yours?”

“The first promise I made to you was that I’d be yours for as long as I live. I’m keeping that one.”

Kaine’s focus was entirely on her.

“This will work,” she said. “I promise. I’m going to save you.”

“I need you,” she said. “We’re almost to the end now. But you have to come back to me. We’re running away, remember? You, me, and our baby. We’re going to be free. I’m going to save you, but I need you to fight with me.”

“Come back to me. Stay with me.”

“We did it, Kaine,” she said. “Just like we always said we would.”

“It’s fine,” she said. “It’s not even my dominant hand, so I can still do most alchemy. I bet I’ll barely notice.”

“Don’t,” he said through gritted teeth. “Don’t act like it’s fine.”

“It is fine if I get you...

Time always ran out for them. They’d spent years surviving on stolen moments, and now she finally felt how starved it had left her.

“Helena, look at you. You have broken yourself into pieces, over and over, because of me, and you don’t seem to understand that it kills me. Living is not worth it to me if you’re the one who keeps paying the price for it. Let me fix what I can.”

“We have to stop hurting ourselves for each other,” she finally said. “Both of us. We’re not going to last if this is the only way we know how to love.”

“Just me. In this big house?” She said it lightly, but she was horrified at the idea.

“Lila was part of the arrangement by then. I came here briefly last summer. It was one of my last trips,” he said quietly. “Before that, I’d just sent things along as I thought of something I thought you’d like.”

“We said always, didn’t we?” she asked, her voice strained. “Always. Well, if you don’t want that promise in full any longer, I’ll give it to you in increments.”

“Every day. I’ll choose you. That way you’ll know it’s still what I want.”

“I’m sure there will be good days and bad days for us. Too much has happened to ever really put it behind us, but if you choose me, and I choose you,...

“Kaine, you have to care about her.”

“You can’t be like your father.”

“You have to care. You have to choose to care. The way you are, if you don’t, you won’t—and she’ll know. Just like you did. You cannot do that to her. She has to be someone that you decide to care about.”

“We don’t know how long I’ll…after everything. I need you to promise that if I’m not here, you’ll love her for me”—her voice cracked—“the way I would love her. She has to be that important to you. Do you promise?”

“All r...

“Promis...

“I pro...

Helena gave a sob and held her tighter. “Kaine—she has your eyes.”