Alchemised

by SenLinYu

That bitterness in his eyes—she finally understood it. He had been waiting for her betrayal. This was what held him back.

It was born of rage, despair, and desire so hot, it threatened to burn her into oblivion. It was possibly a kiss goodbye. She wanted him to know. It was real. For her, it had always been real.

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her savagely. The heat was like wildfire. The tension, the waiting. Months of expectations. After being told this was what she was sent for, why she was wanted. All a ruse. A feint to conceal his true motive. Demanding her had been the same trick of misdirection he taught her to use to protect her memories. A lie, until it wasn’t.

Somehow she’d shifted in his estimation, manipulated her way into becoming the very obsession he’d pretended she was.

Despite how cold he often was, a dragon was an apt sigil for the Ferrons. He kept walls of ice around himself, but there was fire in his heart.

She’d known it might hurt if not done slowly, but she was glad it did. Certain things were meant to hurt. She’d seduced Kaine when it was abundantly clear that this was a line he had no desire to cross. She had pushed and persisted and done it anyway, because she was desperate. That should hurt.

Even now, his jaw was tense. His expression guarded. His mouth held in that hard, flat line. But his eyes… She could tell— He was hers. The realisation broke her heart.

Obsessive and possessive. She had him. If she was smart enough to leverage it. On his knees, ready to do anything, Ilva had said.

“Fuck you.” She flinched but spat back, “You already did.”

“I can’t—I can’t do this again—” he finally gasped out. “I can’t care for someone again. I can’t take it.”

“I realised just now that I’d miscalculated something. It hadn’t occurred to me that I’d made you marketable.” The words thudded against her chest. “Oh.”

They’d been so clear that she was alone in this, and now that the ruse was finally up, now that it had come out that they hadn’t really sold her off, forever, without a second thought, they thought she’d want them to care?

“I’ve spent a year working on the logistics of replacing you…I must admit, you are the most exceptional asset the Eternal Flame possesses. And I am sorry for that.”

Perhaps, looking at her as his successor, he did find her tragic.

He and Lila watched each other with a fervent intensity, as though the other person were their only touchstone.

She was a collar around Kaine’s neck, and her job now was to bear it.

“I always said it was a mistake, allowing a female paladin,” Matias said. “If I had been Falcon at the time, I would never have allowed such a violation of tradition to be entertained. I warned you, Ilva, Luc was partial to her, but no: Lila Bayard was too exceptional to separate from him. Now look what’s happened.”

Why was it always the hospital’s fault when things went wrong? If Helena had come out and said that surgery was a success and Lila was already getting out of bed, they’d all be off to the perihelion to offer Sol flames of thanksgiving. But bad news was always the hospital’s fault. How nice it must be, to be a god.

“And now Titus doesn’t even know what’s been done to our beautiful children—all my family, I only have pieces of them left.”

There was a trick to sobbing like that; it was something a person had to learn to do.

They meant to sacrifice Kaine to recover Luc. It was the obvious choice. An easy trade-off. The kind that any strategist would make.

“I’m sure there’s something poetic in it all, but right now all I feel is a new set of manacles.” He let go and stepped away from her, heading for the door. “So forgive me if I dislike looking at you. I’m still adjusting to the ways these new ones chafe.”

She was sick of how Ilva and Crowther both defaulted to manipulation to get their “miracles” to show up. As if people couldn’t be counted on unless they were tricked.

“My vow is to protect my Principate with my life and my death. You’re the one who said that if someone’s willing to die, why not give them a chance to keep fighting.”

That you chose me because you want necromancy as your backup plan?”

“We both know that if someone can do vivimancy, they can do necromancy. And if there’s anyone who can figure it out on the fly, it’s you.

For all her efforts, this was a shadow. Soren was a puppet she’d slipped her hand inside.

She simply told Soren’s body that it could not die. He would fight as he’d always fought. He would protect them, because he knew how to do that.

“You have a natural talent for it.” “That’s one of the most ironic things anyone has ever said to me,” he said quietly.

My loyalty was to those least responsible for her suffering, but if the Eternal Flame has decided that you are an affordable casualty, I will not be noble or understanding. I can exact dual revenge. I will make them pay if they get you killed.”

“You are not replaceable,” he said, his hands trembling against her shoulders. “You are not required to make your death convenient. You are allowed to be important to people. The reason I’m here—the reason I’m doing any of this—is to keep you alive. To keep you safe. That was the deal.” He searched her face. “They didn’t tell you.”

“You are all currently in custody for your violation of orders,” Althorne said, once the boat was pushed off. There was no bite to his words. They’d rescued Luc; any censure for that would be a formality.

It would have been a lesser crime to have murdered Soren. Murder was only a mortal crime; necromancy was a crime upon this life and the afterlife.

She was delirious. Truly delirious now, because Kaine was there with a giant winged dog standing behind him.

“I want to love someone without feeling like if they know, it’ll end up hurting them. People who love me always die. No matter what I do, it’s never enough to save them. I have to love everyone from a distance, and I’m so lonely.”

Like a star, he was glittering and ice-cold from afar, but when the space was bridged, the heat of him was endless.

When he kissed her, it felt like the beginning of something that could be eternal.

“I should have known—the moment I looked into your eyes, I should have known I would never win against you.”

Kaine Ferron was a dragon, like his family before him. Possessive to the point of self-annihilation. Isolated and deadly, and now he held her in his arms as if she were his. The temptation to give in, to let him have her, and to love him for it terrified her.

He was fire, and she was already consumed. “You’re mine,” he said against her lips,

He was exacting. Determined to prove to her that this was where she belonged, to ensure that she could never deny what he made her feel.

“You’re mine. You swore yourself to me. Now and after the war. I’m going to take care of you. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. You don’t have to be lonely. Because you’re mine.”

The Resistance has latched on to you like a parasite, and you think it’s all worked out because they’re kind enough to keep you alive while they eat you?”

“Six years in a war hospital. How many people have you saved for them? I doubt you know. But was that enough for them? No. The moment there was another advantage to gain, they sold you for the ports. I’ve seen workhorses treated better; they would have turned you into glue once you weren’t good for anything else.”

“I thought if I was just cruel enough, you’d give up. That you’d have a limit, that once I found it, you’d stop—finding ways to emotionally blindside me.” He gave a low sigh. “I spent such a long time waiting to be betrayed, I didn’t want to care when it happened. I was trying to hurt you, but I am so sorry that I did.”

“You keep people alive. You touch them and your instinct is to save them, no matter who they are or what they’ve done to you. That is not a trait we share. It’s far more difficult than calculating all the ways to kill someone. And it costs you more.”

“Don’t worry. I’m always going to come back to you.”

The reason the chimaeras are so dangerous is that they’re all rabid with pain. They usually die because the stress kills them. When Amaris arrived, she bit me about fifty times during the first week.

“You’re wrong because I’m part of the universe,” she said. “A tiny piece, I admit, maybe never an important or mathematically significant one, but still a piece. You and I are not separate from it. No one is. It matters to me, everyone who’s died and everyone who will, and everyone who suffers. As long as I exist, I will always care. And that means that part of the universe does.” She smiled at him. “Doesn’t that make it all a little brighter?”

“You’ve seen what she’s capable of. Without her sister keeping her in check, Ivy is of no use. Bear in mind, that rule applies to Ferron as well.”