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She looked up at him. “You’re a monster.” He raised an eyebrow. “Noticed that, have you?”
“I have warned you, if something happens to you, I will personally raze the Eternal Flame. That isn’t a threat. It is a promise. Consider your survival as much a necessity to the Resistance as Holdfast’s. If you die, I will kill every single one of them.”
“Do you leer at and fondle all your unconscious patients, or am I special?” Ferron’s voice was as unexpected as a bucket of ice water.
“I’m late,” he said. Helena had to focus and make herself breathe before she could speak. “Are we—t-training again this week?” “No,” he said quickly. “No. I won’t do that to you again.”
He spoke just as she was leaving. “Don’t die, Marino. I might miss you.”
His thumb tilted her chin up as he stared at her through darkening eyes. “You have such a singular mind. Even when I’m not inside it, I can still see it churning away behind those eyes of yours.”
“I must admit,” he said in a low voice as though making a confession, “if anyone had told me you’d become so lovely, I would never have come near you. I was rather blindsided when I saw you again.”
“You’re like a rose in a graveyard,” he said, and his lips twisted into a bitter smile. “I wonder what you could have turned into without the war.”
“If you don’t want me to kiss you, you should say so now,” he said.
“Why are you crying?” he finally asked. She smeared at her cheeks with her hand. “Because I’m lonely, and kissing you, and you don’t even like me.”
“You made me feel like the parts of me that aren’t useful still deserve to exist. Like I’m not just all the things I can do.”
Women were always defined by the lowliest thing they could be called.
She wanted him to know. It was real. For her, it had always been real.
She placed a tentative hand on his arm, half expecting him to fling her across the room, but his shoulders trembled and he dropped his head onto her shoulder. She pulled him into her arms; he gripped her close and sobbed.
Helena looked between them and then turned reluctantly and went out to the landing. She only heard Crowther utter one word before the door sealed shut: “Beg.”
He gave a low bitter laugh. “I’m sure there’s something poetic in it all, but right now all I feel is a new set of manacles.” He let go and stepped away from her, heading for the door. “So forgive me if I dislike looking at you. I’m still adjusting to the ways these new ones chafe.”
“Tell me you can last long enough for me to get a doctor.” His voice was shaking. She shook her head.
“You could be a healer,” she finally said as he removed the block on her nerves. She flexed her hand, opening and closing. It was still sore, and fragile as though hairline-fractured. “You have a natural talent for it.” “That’s one of the most ironic things anyone has ever said to me,” he said quietly.
“You are not replaceable,” he said, his hands trembling against her shoulders. “You are not required to make your death convenient. You are allowed to be important to people. The reason I’m here—the reason I’m doing any of this—is to keep you alive. To keep you safe. That was the deal.” He searched her face. “They didn’t tell you.”
She was half crying as she kissed him, tracing her fingers along his face and under the curve of his jaw, trying to memorise every detail: his pulse under her fingertips, his lips pressed against hers. The taste of him. Her eyes fluttered shut, trying to savour it all. This one moment. She could have this. She’d earned it.
He touched her cheek, tilting her face up and kissing her. “Use the ring, call me, if you ever need anything.”
When he kissed her, it felt like the beginning of something that could be eternal.
“I should have known—the moment I looked into your eyes, I should have known I would never win against you.”
She gave a small smile, struggling to stay awake, afraid it might all fade away if she did. “I’ve always thought my eyes were my best feature.” “One of them,” he said quietly.
Kaine Ferron was a dragon, like his family before him. Possessive to the point of self-annihilation. Isolated and deadly, and now he held her in his arms as if she were his. The temptation to give in, to let him have her, and to love him for it terrified her.
“This was a mistake,” she said. “I shouldn’t have come here.” His throat dipped as he looked away. “Don’t worry,” he said quietly. “This won’t complicate anything for you. You wanted someone to be with, and I was available. I know it didn’t mean anything.” Helena’s breath caught, and she swallowed. He wasn’t just someone. To her, he was— That was the mistake of it, what she was so scared of. Before she could even begin to invent a lie, something must have shown in her face. Her eyes always betrayed her. Because his expression was withdrawn, and then, in an instant, triumph flashed across his
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“You’re mine,” he said against her lips, his fingers sliding along her throat, tangling in her hair, holding her fast as he dragged her nearer. It was not like the previous night. It wasn’t comfort. It was claiming.
He pulled her close, crushing her to his chest. “You’re mine. You swore yourself to me. Now and after the war. I’m going to take care of you. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. You don’t have to be lonely. Because you’re mine.”
She was locked in the dangerous embrace of Kaine Ferron, and it felt like home.
Their foreheads touched, and she closed her eyes. It was as though their souls were touching, too.
She reached out, her fingers brushing back his hair. “Don’t worry. I’m always going to come back to you.”
She was half indignant when she arrived, and then forgot, because before she was through the door, Kaine had her in his arms and was kissing her as if starved.
He captured her hand and pulled her close. His other hand slid possessively up her throat, fingers tilting her head back, and he kissed her, long and deep, before he drew away to meet her eyes. “Call me, and I will come.”
He’d dip his head forward, kissing her inner wrist or the palm of her hand, his silver eyes locked on her face. “You’re mine. I’ll always come for you.” He always did.
Calculating, Cunning, Devoted, Determined, Ruthless, Unfailing, Unhesitating, and Unyielding.
She was almost asleep when she heard the faint whisper of his voice. “I’m going to take care of you. I swear, I’m always going to take care of you.”
Helena would sit, tracing her fingers along Kaine’s face, following his every heartbeat and promising, “I’m going to take care of you. I promise, I’m always going to take care of you.”
“Because I have warned you, if something happens to you, I will personally raze the entire Order of the Eternal Flame. That isn’t a threat, it’s a promise. Consider your survival as much a necessity to the Resistance as Holdfast’s. If you die, I will kill every single one of them. Given that the risk to their lives is the only way to make you value your own.”
“I don’t want you to kill people because of me.” He gave a barking laugh. “What exactly is it that you think I do with all my time? I kill people. I order other people to kill people. I train people to kill people. I sabotage and undermine people so that they will be killed, and I do it all because of you. Every word. Every life. Because of you.”
She could feel Kaine watching her and forced herself to speak. “I think your scars are prettier than mine,” she finally said. “I have a better healer.”
She told him in the way she let go of herself and held on to him instead. With every beat of her heart. I love you. I will always love you. I will always take care of you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
The ring burned again and again and again. He was looking for her. He’d come for her. He always did.
“Lila Bayard was the first one he brought back.”
“She has a son now. An exceptionally noisy child, named for his grandfather. And every time I’ve seen her, she’s tried to murder me at least twice.”
“You looked for me?” Her voice cracked. A look of anguish flashed across his eyes. “Of course I looked for you. I looked everywhere for you. Did you think I left you there?”
He stood unmoving a moment longer, and then the façade fell. He gave a long sigh. “I had really hoped the library would keep you busy for at least a week,” he said, looking exhausted.
“Is this not enough? There are, undoubtedly, still unexplored depths to the potential misery between us. Shall we endeavour to achieve all of it?”
“I’m sorry—I’m sorry—I’m so sorry for everything I did to you,” he said, his voice hoarse and broken. “I love you. You left, and I’d never told you.”
“My mother’s name was Enid.” Helena nodded. She remembered that. He looked towards the garden, fingers curling into a fist. “I always liked that name.”
