Alchemised

by SenLinYu

Remembered that she’d been placed there as a prisoner, kept preserved, but someday, someone would come for her.

“Ferron always comes for me,” she whispered.

“Well, you—you have a natural talent for it. In another life, you could be a healer.”

“Oh, Marino.” His thumb trailed along her neck, following the scar below her jaw. “If I’d known what pain you’d cause me, I never would have taken you.”

“I have warned you, if something happens to you, I will personally raze the Eternal Flame. That isn’t a threat. It is a promise. Consider your survival as much a necessity to the Resistance as Holdfast’s. If you die, I will kill every single one of them.”

“I’m so sorry, Kaine.”

“You’re like a rose in a graveyard,” he said, and his lips twisted into a bitter smile. “I wonder what you could have turned into without the war.”

Sometimes she wished she’d died in the hospital with her father, to be remembered and mourned for her possibilities, rather than live day by day growing ever lesser.

it didn’t matter if she’d been an alchemist, or a healer, or anything else. To anyone who ever learned of it, she would only be that one thing. Women were always defined by the lowliest thing they could be called.

“If Ferron wanted you, he would have taken you by now. You’re just a toy; he winds you up and watches you spin.”

“All right…” he said, “but only because you asked.”

He gave a sharp nod. “You’ve given your word. I’ll trust you to keep it.” Her stomach clenched. Don’t trust me. Don’t trust the Eternal Flame. We’re all liars.

“I suppose even martyrs have limits.”

Certain things were meant to hurt. She’d seduced Kaine when it was abundantly clear that this was a line he had no desire to cross. She had pushed and persisted and done it anyway, because she was desperate. That should hurt.

Even now, his jaw was tense. His expression guarded. His mouth held in that hard, flat line. But his eyes… She could tell— He was hers. The realisation broke her heart.

He looked up at her a moment. “I realised just now that I’d miscalculated something. It hadn’t occurred to me that I’d made you marketable.” The words thudded against her chest. “Oh.” Apparently, Crowther was right after all. The Ferrons were possessive enough to eat themselves alive before they’d let go of anything they considered theirs.

“I’m sure there’s something poetic in it all, but right now all I feel is a new set of manacles.”

He didn’t let go. “Helena…” She stilled at her name. “I’m alone, too,” he said.

“This—is the way I wanted it to be,” she admitted. “With you. I wanted it to be like this with you.” He went very still. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry it wasn’t,” he finally said, pulling her closer.

“I memorised yours, too,” he said after a moment, and then sighed, looking away. “I should have known—the moment I looked into your eyes, I should have known I would never win against you.”

Kaine Ferron was a dragon, like his family before him. Possessive to the point of self-annihilation. Isolated and deadly, and now he held her in his arms as if she were his. The temptation to give in, to let him have her, and to love him for it terrified her.

He pulled her close, crushing her to his chest. “You’re mine. You swore yourself to me. Now and after the war. I’m going to take care of you. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. You don’t have to be lonely. Because you’re mine.”

“You’re wrong because I’m part of the universe,” she said. “A tiny piece, I admit, maybe never an important or mathematically significant one, but still a piece. You and I are not separate from it. No one is. It matters to me, everyone who’s died and everyone who will, and everyone who suffers. As long as I exist, I will always care. And that means that part of the universe does.” She smiled at him. “Doesn’t that make it all a little brighter?”

“When the war is over. We’ll run away somewhere no one knows us. We’ll disappear—forever.”

I love you. It was right at the tip of her tongue, but she hesitated, biting the words back. There was a part of her that felt she might doom them if she said it. If there were important things left unspoken, tomorrow would come.

“You always said you wouldn’t choose me over everyone else. I am chained to a sinking ship. I will not take you with me.” “I was lying!” The words came out a scream.

“But look at everything we’ve done, and it’s still not enough. I guess in the end, I am like Luc. I thought that we could suffer enough to earn each other.”

“We said always, didn’t we?” she asked, her voice strained. “Always. Well, if you don’t want that promise in full any longer, I’ll give it to you in increments.” She clutched his hand tighter. “Every day. I’ll choose you. That way you’ll know it’s still what I want.”