Alchemised

by SenLinYu

“Thank you. I don’t even know what to say. They’re beautiful.”

“It’s nothing.” He cleared his throat.

“Good.” He shifted. “Well, this has been delightful. I can’t even remember how many times I’ve wished someone would lecture me on the systems of the human body.” She looked up, and he smiled insincerely at her.

“What is it?” he asked as the door closed behind him. “Did something happen?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She looked down quickly. His gaze was like a brand on the top of her head. “I just came because I was—worried about you.” He scoffed. “Since when have you worried about me?”

“Why?” Her chest tightened. “I’m afraid that someday I’ll come, and you—you won’t be here.”

“You always have to come back,” she said. “All right? Don’t die. Promise—”

“All right…” he said, “but only because you asked.”

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her savagely.

He sank into her, and her heart stopped, eyes going wide.

He was hers.

“You—were you a virgin?”

“I—” His voice failed him. “I—I would have been gentler—if I’d known.”

“So, what happens to you now?” Helena blinked. “Me?”

“Yes.” He leaned forward and caught her chin, tilting her face so that the light from the windows

“What happens ...

“I don’t know,” she said with a short hysterical laugh.

“Like you said, I’ve always been expendable, so maybe they’ll offer me to the next spy.”

“Don’t joke. I want a real answer.” There was a sharp undercurrent to his voice.

“What do they want?” His voice was almost a whisper.

She looked back. “What?” “Is it—actual crawling? Or was there something more constructive Ilva had in mind?” Her throat closed. “I—I’d have to ask.”

“Find out. I’ll do it.” He looked exhausted, but now there was an edge of som...

“Are you really offering?” she asked, certain it was a trick. He gave no response. “Why are you offering?” Her voice rose, a note of hysteria in it. He looked up at her a moment. “I realised just now that I’d miscalculated somet...

It was Kaine.

He stalked through the water towards Helena. Not a step wavering, cutting down everything that crossed his path.

“You idiot,” he said, and dragged her up out of the water, crushing her hard against his chest.

“Tell me you can last long enough for me to get a doctor.” His voice was shaking.

“Don’t ever go on another mission,” he said without looking up, her hand trapped in his.

He blocked the door, his eyes gone cold. “Remind Crowther that if the Eternal Flame wants my continued assistance, they will keep you alive.”

“You are not. My loyalty was to those least responsible for her suffering, but if the Eternal Flame has decided that you are an affordable casualty, I will not be noble or understanding. I can exact dual revenge. I will make them pay if they get you killed.”

have to go.” Her voice shook. He wouldn’t let go. He gripped her tighter. “You are not expendable. You don’t get to push everyone away so that they’ll feel comfortable using you and letting you die.”

“You are not replaceable,” he said, his hands trembling against her shoulders. “You are not required to make your death convenient. You are allowed to be important to people. The reason I’m here—the reason I’m doing any of this—is to keep you alive. To keep you safe. That was the deal.” He searched her face. “They didn’t tell you.”

She shook her head, giving a broken sob and—before she let herself think—she kissed him.

Kaine cradled her face in his hands as he returned her kiss, pulling her closer, his arms wrapping around her.

Her eyes fluttered shut, trying to savour it all. This one moment. She could have this. She’d earned it.

He touched her cheek, tilting her face up and kissing her. “Use the ring, call me, if you ever need anything.”

“Do you think this is what my subconscious thinks I want?” she asked, peering towards the light of the Alchemy Tower’s beacon gleaming like a small golden sun. “To run away from the war with you?”

“What do you want?” he asked.

always be alone,” she said. It was easier to be honest in the dark. “I want to love someone without feeling like if they know, it’ll end up hurting them. People who love me always die. No matter what I do, it’s never enough to save them. I have to love everyone from a distance, and I’m so lonely.”

“You don’t have to be alone,” he said.

“I don’t get to care about you.”

“If I care about you—I won’t be able to use you. And you’re the only hope I have of keeping everyone else alive.”

“Then use me,” Kaine said.

“You don’t have to push me away to protect me,” he said in a hard, familiar voice. “I can take it. You can stop being lonely. I won’t misunderstand. I know you just want someone to be with.” She looked for a door. An escape. He didn’t let go. “Helena…” She stilled at her name. “I’m alone, too,” he said.

The first thing his fingers found were the pins in her hair. Her braids tumbled down her back, his fingers combing through them until her hair was loose. His hand tangled through it as he kissed her again.

“This—is the way I wanted it to be,” she admitted. “With you. I wanted it to be like this with you.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry it wasn’t,” he finally said,

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, resting her head on his shoulder. “Yes, it does. Let me give you this now.” He drew her face to his and kissed her. Slow and intent.

When he pushed inside her, his eyes were fastened on her face. “Is this all right? Is it good for you?” She gave a gasp and nodded. Because it was good this time. “It’s good. Don’t stop,” she said,