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Crowther only scoffed. “I’m sure Ilva has filled your head with pretty stories about your importance, but you’re easily replaced. We already have several candidates under consideration.”
STAND UP
Whatever passing interest prompted this, I want you to turn it into an obsession that consumes him.”
😞😞
He was in a crucible, and he was the crucible, and he would either die terribly or be wholly alchemised into something that could survive the paradox.
LIKE OMG???
“Don’t die, Marino. I might miss you.”
The foreshadowing
“You have no idea how hard it is to save someone, to fix all the ways the people like you break them.” She glared at him. “I hope someday you have to try. See how little you think of it then.”
THE FORESHADOWING AGAIN!!
“I have no use for tools I cannot control.
Bye I hate him
“You’re like a rose in a graveyard,” he said, and his lips twisted into a bitter smile. “I wonder what you could have turned into without the war.”
*sobs*
He was gentler than she thought he could be. He looked at her like he saw her.
*sobs again*
“You made me feel like the parts of me that aren’t useful still deserve to exist. Like I’m not just all the things I can do.”
OMG
She’d let herself become wrapped up in her feelings at being compared to a rose and called lovely, at having aspects of herself that no one had ever liked treated as a source of desire.
Like girl omg
Whatever had or hadn’t briefly existed between them was buried beneath the weight of those vows.
Bye I hate luc
His expression grew mocking. “Don’t you think you’re worth it?”
CLEARY HE DOES
“Was the array for me, too?”
YES YOU IDIOT
She nodded. “I know. But that one you don’t come back from.” He gave a bitter laugh. “All right, then, but only because you asked.”
ONCE AGAIN
Property. No, not even that. She was a trinket.
#freehelena
“I came because I wanted to see you.” She realised only as she said it that it was the truth. That was why she’d come.
Finally but not enough
“All right…” he said, “but only because you asked.”
FORESHADOWING I CANT DO THIS
trust you to keep it.” Her stomach clenched. Don’t trust me. Don’t trust the Eternal Flame. We’re all liars.
Well duh I hate all of you
She wanted him to know. It was real. For her, it had always been real.
LIAR
Somehow she’d shifted in his estimation, manipulated her way into becoming the very obsession he’d pretended she was.
Like omg you are a terrible person
She’d seduced Kaine when it was abundantly clear that this was a line he had no desire to cross. She had pushed and persisted and done it anyway, because she was desperate.
FOR PEOPLE THAT SEE YOU AS DISPOSABLE
But his eyes… She could tell— He was hers. The realisation broke her heart.
FUCK YOU
“But you—you—” He shook his head. “It doesn’t really matter. You outmanoeuvred me. Or maybe I’m just too tired and grieving to keep pushing you away. You won.”
*hysterically sobs*
She placed a tentative hand on his arm, half expecting him to fling her across the room, but his shoulders trembled and he dropped his head onto her shoulder. She pulled him into her arms; he gripped her close and sobbed.
Helena you bitch.
can’t—I can’t do this again—” he finally gasped out. “I can’t care for someone again. I can’t take it.”
*gulps*
She could use that.
FUCK YOU HELENA
I must admit, you are the most exceptional asset the Eternal Flame possesses. And I am sorry for that.”
A TOOL IS WHAT SHE IS
Her hands dropped. “Kaine, I—” “Don’t—use my name. I hate the way it sounds on your tongue.”
“After you nearly bled to death here, I thought, at least I can keep her alive. She deserves to have someone who cares enough to try to keep her alive.
*cries again*
“You are not expendable. You don’t get to push everyone away so that they’ll feel comfortable using you and letting you die.”
“You are not required to make your death convenient. You are allowed to be important to people. The reason I’m here—the reason I’m doing any of this—is to keep you alive. To keep you safe. That was the deal.”
*cries*
He touched her cheek, tilting her face up and kissing her. “Use the ring, call me, if you ever need anything.”
YES
“I want to love someone without feeling like if they know, it’ll end up hurting them. People who love me always die. No matter what I do, it’s never enough to save them. I have to love everyone from a distance, and I’m so lonely.”
💔💔💔 also Helena you suck
“If I care about you—I won’t be able to use you. And you’re the only hope I have of keeping everyone else alive.”
KILL YOURSELF BUT NOT REALLY
“Then use me,” Kaine said.
*pure utter despair*
When he kissed her, it felt like the beginning of something that could be eternal.
If only
“I should have known—the moment I looked into your eyes, I should have known I would never win against you.”
*she wept*
“You’re mine. You swore yourself to me. Now and after the war. I’m going to take care of you. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. You don’t have to be lonely. Because you’re mine.”
😔
“Six years in a war hospital. How many people have you saved for them? I doubt you know. But was that enough for them? No. The moment there was another advantage to gain, they sold you for the ports. I’ve seen workhorses treated better; they would have turned you into glue once you weren’t good for anything else.”
IM SAYING
“Don’t worry. I’m always going to come back to you.”
Now, in his absence, she felt herself suffocating.
Good
He clenched his jaw, and she knew what he wanted to say, that he didn’t care. He didn’t care whether anyone survived except her.
