Alchemised

by SenLinYu

His thumb tilted her chin up as he stared at her through darkening eyes.

OH MAN

Helena’s pulse thrummed. He pressed the decanter into her hands, and when she looked down and tried to hand it back, he took her face in both hands, tilting it up so she had to meet his stare.

His hazel-grey eyes were gone, replaced by a silver-bright glow.

Instead of perpetually ice-sharp and guarded, he felt like something she might drown in.

Oh same. Fuck.

He smiled. The first real smile she’d ever seen from him.

She wrote this part somehow better than manacled

He stilled, eyes instantly opening, and reached towards her. “Don’t go.”

Hes so lonely

“Thank you, Marino.” She swallowed, lifting her gaze. “Still not Helena?” He exhaled, avoiding her eyes. “Helena.” He said it slowly, drawing it out, as if he was testing the way it sounded.

She looked up and realised she found him handsome.

Drunk and feeling his heartbeat beneath her fingers, she couldn’t remember when she’d stopped being afraid of him.

“I must admit,” he said in a low voice as though making a confession, “if anyone had told me you’d become so lovely, I would never have come near you. I was rather blindsided when I saw you again.” Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “You’re like a rose in a graveyard,” he said, and his lips twisted into a bitter smile. “I wonder what you could have turned into without the war.”

“Like you, then,” he said, twisting the curl so it wrapped around his fingertip, “trapped in place, but still the same somewhere underneath.”

“There. My mane.”

“It’s softer than I expected,” he said. His eyes were fascinated.

Omg he has thought about how soft her hair was before

“If you don’t want me to kiss you, you should say so now,” he said.

She hadn’t realised how much she’d wanted to be touched. That she was starved of it, too.

“I thought that was part of the package deal: You swear your life to a set of asinine religious ideals and get a valuable weapon in compensation.”

They were the inverse and counter to each other. A healer and killer, circling slowly, the push and pull inexorable.

“They’ll all be medalled for bravery, and there were several Ember Services called, to devote prayers of thanks to Sol for his—grace in saving her.”

You mean Helena. HELENA SAVED HER.

Lila took the vows. To protect Luc with her life, to die for him. Luc had no choice but to accept them. Whatever had or hadn’t briefly existed between them was buried beneath the weight of those vows.

“I’d do anything to have that now. I can’t taste anything now except blood and smoke, and I don’t feel anything except when I’m on fire. The stories made it sound so good. Fighting for a cause. Being a hero.” He shook his head. “Why does everyone pretend it’s anything like that?”

This is a book about the untold stories of war. The 'other' that is a footnote in a text. This is the real stories of war, not the guilded lily.

“In the East, there is a rare metal found deep in the mountains. It is—rarer than gold. Only the Emperor himself is permitted to possess it. We called it mo’lian’shi. It—creates inertia.”

“Oh yes, your rose in a graveyard,” she said, lip curling. “Was the array for me, too?” “Who else?” he asked, his voice empty, just a touch of irony in it.

Touch him and she’d bleed, and yet she could not escape the allure of it.

“Don’t die, Kaine,” she said. The line he walked frightened her. If the array was the punishment for a failure, what would the price of betrayal be? A smirk twisted his mouth as he looked at her. “There are far worse fates than dying, Marino.” She nodded. “I know. But that one you don’t come back from.” He gave a bitter laugh. “All right, then, but only because you asked.”

He looked at himself, only then realising he wasn’t wearing a shirt and that the wound was gone. She thought he’d relax once he understood, but he looked angrier. “I nearly killed you.”

This part gave me such anxiety in my belly! I would LOVE Kaines POV. He prob had such dispaire knkwing what he almost did.

Kestrels

So random but this is a really cute bird of prey

“And what would your dear Luc say if he learned how you let his father’s killer buy you like a whore?”

Oh fuck

He could talk all he wanted about how her education was to leverage her, how the Holdfasts were to blame. But he was the one who’d turned her into a whore.

Sometimes she wished she’d died in the hospital with her father, to be remembered and mourned for her possibilities, rather than live day by day growing ever lesser.

Women were always defined by the lowliest thing they could be called.

This hits so hard after seeinv Sen

He tossed it, letting it land on the floor between them.

First tears aee shed here. Hes so cruel.

“It’s rather gory to look at, but he doesn’t seem to mind.” He pulled his hand free, clearly done with the lecturing. “It’s like someone burned them out. He uses his resonance to see.”

He is terrifying

She tensed, looking back. He was still standing where she’d left him, irritation evident in the sweep of his eyes. He looked her up and down as if debating something.

I am now wondering if Helen is a unreliable narrator. Is irritation actually what he is fedling…?

“I must say, Marino, you’ve ended up being quite expensive.”

EMOTIONALLY

Shiseo thinks that if the alloy was paired with something that has a high, sharp resonance point—like copper processed with a high level of lumithium emanations—that could create a type of interference that would suppress most kinds of resonance regardless of the alchemist’s repertoire.”

Oh damn. She helped cfeate the manacles that inprisoned her.

Ilva met her eyes. She was composed again, chilly as a lake. “He was always going to die, but I want you to do it. You created this new threat to Luc, so you will put an end to it.”

THIS BITCH. She just shifted everhthing and then added an ADTION BURDEN onto her?!

Ilva was losing her touch. Or perhaps Helena was finally getting wise to her.

The latter. Thjs is going to be such a good reread.

No wonder Ilva had told her the truth about Orion. She knew that no one would ever believe Helena’s claims.

Forget every word you’ve ever heard about honour in combat. The honour is surviving.”

She kept twisting and bucking her hips to try to break free. Kaine abruptly let go of her, shoving himself off. The muscle in his jaw rippled, and his eyes were dark as he stood up, breathing heavily, a low flush in his cheeks. “If you’re ever pinned down like that, I would not recommend trying to escape that way,” he said in a tight voice, turning as if catching his breath.

LMAO SHE WAS LOWKEY HUMPING HIM LOLOL

She’d known it might hurt if not done slowly, but she was glad it did. Certain things were meant to hurt. She’d seduced Kaine when it was abundantly clear that this was a line he had no desire to cross. She had pushed and persisted and done it anyway, because she was desperate. That should hurt.

She could use that.

This is not a type of love you want. Theres no good in this love. Just desperation.

“Do you—” Her voice broke. “Do you want it to be me? Or does it—not matter?”

Shes asking to kill him

He scoffed. “You lost your chance.”

GOSH DAM

Her braids had been pulled loose, the sections hanging haphazardly.

Second time im cryinng. Tbis poor thing. Shes so young. Thd braids remind me of a child and she basically is. This is so heavy, what she has sacraficed and the choiced that are so heavy.

A lump rose in her throat. “Well, he saw through you both. I was the only fool in the end. But you got what you wanted. Lucky you, I guess.”

Heartbreaking

“I’ve spent a year working on the logistics of replacing you…I must admit, you are the most exceptional asset the Eternal Flame possesses. And I am sorry for that.”

Helena looked between them and then turned reluctantly and went out to the landing. She only heard Crowther utter one word before the door sealed shut: “Beg.”

Omfg

He merely paused, studying her. “Good work, Marino.”

This is heart breaking nd sick. I would kill for a Kaine POV. What did crowler make hime do? What did Kaine agree to and fo what degree ? What did he say. Lets discuss.

“Don’t—use my name. I hate the way it sounds on your tongue.” He ripped the envelope from her fingers and left.

My jaw just dropped