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vivimancer. Necromancy’s inverse twin, wielded on the living rather than the dead.
This—she is the animancer.”
“The Undying. You’re his source of power, and the Resistance—we figured that out, didn’t we? How to kill him. How to kill all of you.”
“I would rather spend the rest of my life being raped in Central than spend a minute of it having feelings for you.”
“I have warned you, if something happens to you, I will personally raze the Eternal Flame. That isn’t a threat. It is a promise. Consider your survival as much a necessity to the Resistance as Holdfast’s. If you die, I will kill every single one of them.”
She couldn’t fix herself anymore, and no one else seemed inclined to even notice she was breaking. You are all alone, and when the war is over, you will still be alone.
“You’re like a rose in a graveyard,” he said, and his lips twisted into a bitter smile. “I wonder what you could have turned into without the
“You made me feel like the parts of me that aren’t useful still deserve to exist. Like I’m not just all the things I can do.”
She was a trinket. Something he’d thrown into his demands. So insignificant that Ilva and Crowther had looked at her and seen no reason to refuse.
Women were always defined by the lowliest thing they could be called.
Don’t trust me. Don’t trust the Eternal Flame. We’re all liars.
“I can’t—I can’t do this again—” he finally gasped out. “I can’t care for someone again. I can’t take it.”
For the first time, Kaine Ferron was fully human to her. She’d slipped through his walls and peeled away the defensive layers of malice and cruelty, and found that there he carried a broken heart.
“I’ve spent a year working on the logistics of replacing you…I must admit, you are the most exceptional asset the Eternal Flame possesses. And I am sorry for that.”
“There’s plenty of people to replace me. I’ve always been expendable, remember?” She used her elbows to sit up. “I need you to fix my hands now.”
NOT TRUE!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT EXPENDABLE!!!!
“She’s dead,” he said. “You are not. My loyalty was to those least responsible for her suffering, but if the Eternal Flame has decided that you are an affordable casualty, I will not be noble or understanding. I can exact dual revenge. I will make them pay if they get you killed.”
“You are not expendable. You don’t get to push everyone away so that they’ll feel comfortable using you and letting you die.”
“You are not replaceable,” he said, his hands trembling against her shoulders. “You are not required to make your death convenient. You are allowed to be important to people. The reason I’m here—the reason I’m doing any of this—is to keep you alive. To keep you safe. That was the deal.” He searched her face. “They didn’t tell you.”
“I don’t want to always be alone,” she said. It was easier to be honest in the dark. “I want to love someone without feeling like if they know, it’ll end up hurting them. People who love me always die. No matter what I do, it’s never enough to save them. I have to love everyone from a distance, and I’m so lonely.”
“You’re mine. You swore yourself to me. Now and after the war. I’m going to take care of you. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. You don’t have to be lonely. Because you’re mine.”
She was locked in the dangerous embrace of Kaine Ferron, and it felt like home.
“Would you go now, if you could?” His eyes seemed to ripple with heat. “With you, I would.”
“When the war is over. We’ll run away somewhere no one knows us. We’ll disappear—forever.”
“You’re mine. I’ll always come for you.” He always did.
“Because I have warned you, if something happens to you, I will personally raze the entire Order of the Eternal Flame. That isn’t a threat, it’s a promise. Consider your survival as much a necessity to the Resistance as Holdfast’s. If you die, I will kill every single one of them. Given that the risk to their lives is the only way to make you value your own.”
“What if it’s not that simple, though?” she said. “Everyone who wins says they were good, but they’re the ones who tell the story. They get to choose how we all remember it. What if it’s never that simple?
“You’re mine,” he said almost against her lips. “Mine. You swore it. Your Resistance sold you to me. I’m not going anywhere without you. And if anyone touches you, immortal or not, I will kill them.”
“Every time you asked, I promised I was yours. Always. There aren’t any exemptions or expiration dates on always.”
“I love you. You left, and I’d never told you.”
“You came—” She reached for him. “I guess you always do.”
I would rather die trying to save you than live knowing there was a chance and I didn’t take it.”
If Helena let herself believe they were safe, let down her guard for an instant, something would go wrong. She was sure it would.
This poor girl is paranoid 😭
“I don’t think that an ordinary life will ever feel real for either of us.”
“I think I always saw running away as the destination. I never actually thought about what would be left of me by the time I got here.”
“I’m sure there will be good days and bad days for us. Too much has happened to ever really put it behind us, but if you choose me, and I choose you, I think we’re strong enough to make it.”
😭❤️❤️
Helena watched him and recognised the expression that slowly filled his eyes as he stared at the tiny person tenaciously clinging to him: possessive adoration.
“There’s no version of me that survived the war without Kaine.
“Love isn’t as pretty or pure as people like to think. There’s a darkness in it sometimes. Kaine and I go hand in hand. I made him who he is. I knew what that array meant when I saved him. If he’s a monster, then I’m his creator.”
She shouldn’t be a footnote. This shouldn’t be the only entry she even has. She deserves her own chapter. She deserves a whole damned book of her own.”
