Are You Mad at Me?: How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You

by Meg Josephson

I viewed as self-sabotage had been self-protection.

We can use what’s happening in the present moment as a way to heal from the past. All we have is what’s here right now, and that’s enough.

A question to return to on this journey of healing is Does this feel uncomfortable because it’s unsafe, or is it just unfamiliar?

The most important aspect of your healing is your own awareness.

when we torture ourselves with the worst possibility and it actually does happen, we’re living it twice—once in our heads, and then again in reality.

She wants to reject herself before others can reject her.

We tend to pick fights with our inner voices as a way to feel in control of them. We try to silence

Mindfulness is about accepting reality, and if the reality is that you don’t have the time or space to take a few quiet moments with yourself right away, then that’s something to be accepted, too.

“Or maybe, just maybe, we can sit with the possibility that his lack of interest is proof that he’s not the one for you, instead of proof that you’re not lovable.

What part of me was activated by this and what does this part need?

nothing is personal, nothing is permanent, and nothing is perfect.

You can let an emotion sting without adding an extra layer of self-loathing for feeling hurt or upset.

We can acknowledge that there’s room for improvement, or a quality we want to work on, without creating bigger stories about our self-worth.

And by trying to gain control of others’ perceptions, you’re losing something in the process: your sense of self, your precious energy, your peace of mind.

The truth is that others’ perceptions were never in your control. People will judge you, misunderstand you, and hold perceptions of you that you don’t agree with. That’s okay.

When someone doesn’t like you, instead of asking, What should I do to make them like me? you can instead ask, How can I soothe myself through the discomfort of them not liking me? What do I need to be okay?

we can divert energy away from thoughts such as What is wrong with me to cause them to say this? and shift it to Do I like how this person makes me feel?

just feel like I avoid getting too close to people so that we can’t get into an argument.