People-pleasing is an unconscious way of trying to feel a false sense of control (with emphasis on “unconscious”—remember that fawning is an adaptive survival mechanism). It’s when we can be aware that we’re fawning that we can begin to break out of the pattern. People-pleasing makes us feel safe by allowing us to feel in control of the narrative, of people’s perceptions—all to avoid our own discomfort, to avoid our own emotions, which feel scary to sit with.
