Are You Mad at Me?: How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You

by Meg Josephson

the harsh inner critic became someone who had your back, a voice of guidance to protect you, to parent you, or to help you get ahead of the criticism you might’ve received from others. If you’re critical of yourself first, you can be “perfect,” someone whom no one will find fault with. Think of this critic as your inner adviser, a concerned friend working tirelessly to keep you safe. Your inner critic put tons of pressure on you and learned what sorts of things attracted criticism or sparked conflict, and it learned what to say to get you to prevent those things from happening. The inner critic is trying to protect you, but that doesn’t mean you always need protecting. So many fawners have such harsh inner critics because there once wasn’t space for their uncomfortable emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. Those emotions couldn’t be expressed and they had to go somewhere, so they went inward, toward the self, manifesting as harsh self-criticism.