A child is left to make sense of the conflict on their own: I made Dad upset; I must have done something bad. When this happens again and again, the child’s explanation evolves from I cause bad things to happen to I am bad. Because of this, it’s normal for a fawner to carry a deep sense of shame and to fear that they’re secretly a bad person, a fear that’s held close, in silence. It’s so much safer to believe that we’re bad than to think that our parents can’t take care of themselves and therefore maybe can’t fully take care of us. We come to believe that something is truly, inherently wrong
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