Before You Ask, “Are You Mad at Me?” When we react, there’s no pause between the trigger and what we say or do. Our reactions are instant and they’re driven by our fears, beliefs, biases, and past experiences. If there’s a perceived distance in a relationship and it activates the part of you that fears that the other person is upset with you, ask yourself these questions: Is the story I’m telling myself absolutely true? Is this different from the other person’s usual behavior, or is it consistent with how they communicate? Could there be other reasons for the other person’s perceived distance
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